Post # 1
Hi everyone. To make a long story short, my father is a jerk who is forever bitter over his divorce with my mom. Though he is a successful doctor, he doesn’t like paying for things as he feels like he is somehow helping my mom (who doesn’t make much money), and sadly my wedding is no exception. Despite creating an unbelievably low budget he could easily cover, he refused to pay for, or even split the cost of the wedding with me, and basically just sent a check for x amount and said that’s all he’s giving.
I reluctantly moved forward hoping I could cover the rest, but it’s just become too much of a burden and is stressing me out every day and even worse causing me and my fiance to fight. Plus, my step-sister just told me she’s going to an expensive private grad school (which costs twice what my wedding does) and that my dad is footing the bill (since he’s married to her mom, who doesn’t work, he had always happily paid for everything for her). While I’m happy for my sister, I tried to talk to her about this and she basically just said I’m being selfish and should have a less expensive wedding and defended my dad. I’m starting to not want any of them to come.
Given that I have already used the money he gave for deposits and can’t return it, what would you do?
Post # 3
@mginthecity: While it’s always nice when a parent offers to help, they are in no way obligated to do so. I’m sorry your dad isn’t giving you as much money as you thought he would, but I don’t think that’s grounds for uninviting him or his family. You could try limiting the guest list in other ways (no cousins, no kids, ect). It’s hard to give advice not knowing your budget, what’s paid for, how many guests, ect.
Post # 4
Money from your parents is a gift, not a right. I think it would be childish to uninvite them because they haven’t paid you enough.
Post # 5
Im a little peeved my parents arent contributing anything but brideonabudgetlauren is right. They dont have to pay for anything. Trust me. i know how flustering it is. My parents front everything for my sister and ive been financially independant since I was 14. It would be nice for some help though. Im just making sure they dont think i want their help. They’d look down on me for asking for help..theyre just like that. I would invite them and just show them you didnt need their money to have a nice wedding. Good luck, im sorry hes playing favorites but there isnt much you can do.
Post # 6
I would have to say that in this situation your father is not really in the wrong. As PPs said, money from your parents are a gift and not an expectation. And it appears he gave you some money aleady, whatever the amount is. My Fiance and I are paying for our wedding on our own and neither of us feels like our families (who do not have much to give as is) need to contribute. I also feel like education takes priority to wedding money because education is the foundation for the rest of ones’ life where as a wedding is usually one day of our life (not that it is not important!). So, i can kind of see what your father was thinking. Plus, when you say that the private school tuition (or whatever it is he is paying for) is twice your wedding budget, it makes me feel like your wedding budget is quite large (I might be wrong). I think you can limit your guest list in this situation however, not allowing your father to attend to your own wedding because he won’t pay for it is not a good reason in my opinion.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Well, I think disinviting your family because they won’t give you money is the wrong reaction. My dad didn’t give me as much money as I wanted either. And although I was initially disappointed, my next thought wasn’t to disinvite him! Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic? What is that going to gain you in the long run (or even the short run)? Ask yourself, what do you really want here? Do you want to push your family away forever because you didn’t get more money? Yes, you think your father can afford it. But you don’t know his situation 100%. I think paying for someone’s education over a wedding is smart and responsible.
Post # 9
I agree. My Fiance and i have refused to accept any money from our parents as we are adults, and would never expect them to fund it. I actually find it kind of funny when “kids” are out on their own with their own mortgages and such and the brides parents are still traditionally paying for the whole thing. It’s great if they want to gift it to you, but its exactly that, a gift. I think it would reflect poorly if you would univite anyone. I think at this point you have two options, cut in other areas to have your wedding at the date you set it at, even if it means you have to cut your losses and find an informal venue with a luncheon, or perhaps brunch, or push the date back until you can save up the money to have your dream day.
Post # 10
Yup I agree with PP, that money belongs to your father, and it’s his to spend as he sees fit. He can spend it on your wedding, your step-sister’s education, fancy vacations, a boob job for his new wife, a lifetime supply of tinfoil hats, or a shelter for homeless kitties if that’s his desire, and while it would be nice that he would gift all children equally, he doesn’t HAVE to. I’d imagine a grad school education would be a better investment than a wedding anyway, assuming of course the major is in a marketable skill.
At any rate, as long as he’s paying any court-ordered alimony, you need to stay out of his finances, and really even the alimony is not your business; it’s your mom’s.
Wanting to disinvite the family over this just demonstrates how much of a wedge you are all driving between one another. Perhaps it’s time for the entire family to buy only things they can afford and stop worrying about who’s getting presents from whom or how much the other guy makes.