(Closed) Can I dump my bridesmaid 3 weeks before my wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Dump the bridesmaid?
    yes : (35 votes)
    71 %
    no : (13 votes)
    27 %
    other : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3142 posts
    Sugar bee

    The sentence above “anyone have suggestions” says it all.  so yes, just ditch her. Done and done.

    Post # 3
    Member
    3257 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If you have absolutely no interest in remaining friends, then can her. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    How long ago was college for you ?

    Post # 6
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Is she really a friend?  It doesn’t sound like in your normal life you spend any time with her, but felt you needed to include her because you were once close. 

    The reasons you posted. 1, I wouldn’t be angry with (a Vegas party can’t be attended by everyone). 2. That would bother me, but not a reason to cut her out if she had other things that she had to attend to or doesn’t live near you. 3. Would be annoying, but not a deal breaker for me. 4. No one in our bridal party has RSVP’d.. I just counted them as I assumed their acceptance to be in our party was their RSVP. 5. Here is the point that makes me ask if you are friends?  She obviously isn’t acting as your friend in this point.  She doesn’t even care enough to stay through your entire wedding night.

    If it won’t affect your future, then don’t think twice to disinvite her to be a part of your day.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @mosh20: Ugh, sorry to hear of her disinterest in your special day. I think your paragraph of what you’d like to say to her is perfect, and that you might consider the following amendment:

    “So with that being said, I’m okay with you stepping down as a bridesmaid. Think about it for a couple days and let me know by the end of the week/Friday, if you truly want to attend instead. No hard feelings. If I don’t hear from you at all by then, I will proceed with having you as a guest and that you are no longer a bridesmaid. Thanks.” See what I did there? 😉 Good luck.

    Post # 9
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Chuck the deuces up hun. She obviously is making you upset, you don’t need that on your wedding day!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @mosh20: I think in your heart you know what you want to do, and I am sorry that you have to deal with this.  Only people who want to support you and be there for you should be standing next to you, IMO.

    I love the suggestion of giving her the option by Cornflakegirl.

    Post # 11
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Just do it but do it face-to-face. It’s you day and obviously you want her out of the wedding. I’ve heard brides kick girls out for being too fat – that is a terrible reason but yours is completely justified! Bite the bullet, your other BMs will back you up.

    Post # 12
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee

    way to much stress and tht isnt a friend she sure aint acting like one anyway kick her to the curb and dont wrry about she obviously isnt worried bout how she is making you feel

    Post # 14
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee

    I must be in the minority here, but you come of a little bridezilla to me.  Just based on the facts given, the first two things you seem upset about is that appears to not have enough money to spend on you.

    I’m assuming your ages to be late twenties?  Plenty of people in that age group are still lousy about RSVPing.  Her not RSVPing might not be an attack against you personally, just general poor manners that you seem to be taking personally.  And as for her expecting to get a plus 1, she is (currently) a bridesmaid, even when brides limit plus 1’s I thought most people gave them to the wedding party.  It doesn’t seem unreasonable.

    What it comes down to is your wedding is a lot more important to you than it is to her.  If you want to ask her to step down, then you should it is completely your decision based on what makes your day the best.  But I would have a hard time remaining friends with someone who got mad at me because I couldn’t afford her out of state bachlorette party or to buy her things.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    MissIntent makes some great points about being compassionate toward those that can’t afford to travel to a wedding, and that of course it is best to have a +1 for a bridesmaid out of respect to their being in one’s bridal party.

    I think in mosh20‘s case, though, it is more about her friend being disinterested from the start. It would be one thing if OP’s friend said she’d really love to be there but couldn’t due to finances or even if she just said she couldn’t make it. At least she’d be communicating a basic need on a very basic, simple level out of sheer courtesy. But the fact that OP is just flat out being ignored is a shame. (I’ve got a similar situation with a friend who is 33…so…sad to say, it can still be an issue even then LOL.)

     

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