Can I ever be greater than his mother?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee

It’s not totally clear from your post…does he live with you or with his mother? If he lives with his mother as in all of his stuff is there and he keeps a drawer at your place, it’s not that weird to me for him to want to be “home” where his stuff is.

Post # 3
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, did he get his own place, or move in with you officially?

 

I find it strange that he actually splits his 3 days home right down the middle- like, you each get a day and a half. Does he have a stopwatch so he knows exactly when Mom Time is up and Girlfriend Time begins?

 

How long have you been together?

Post # 4
Member
5873 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t really understand why you have such a big issue with this.  I don’t think seeing his mom one day and a half a week is over the top, nor do I understand why he needs to reduce that just because he is seeing you.  

Nothing odd in person.. but WHY the need to be with her SO much?   

I have asked him, he says she’s lonely..  But I am too? 

You can and should build a life aside from a boyfriend though.  How long have you even been together?  You don’t mention him visiting his dad so i’m assuming his mother lives alone and I think it is an admirable trait that he cares for her. 

but I want to know are there any women out there who suffered a similar experience but have come out with a WIN on the other side?

What exactly makes it a win though? Why do you have to phrase it as a win or lose situation?  

Post # 5
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I guess I don’t understand why you can’t see his mum together. That way you still get to see you partner and he can see his mum. It shouldn’t be a ‘her or me’ situation. 

My Fiance is really close to his mum and I respect their relationship so try and include her in some of the activities we are doing (not everything of course – we need alone too). We make the effort to have lunch with her twice a month. I have become very close to her and now if my partner goes round alone she asks where I am. 

Yes, I am somewhere who has experience – My fiance is an only child and his parents are divorced. His mum means so much to him. I don’t understand what you mean about the ‘win’ situation….I mean, in my eyes it is a win, we are all happy sharing time together. 

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I sadly have no advice, my only comment is that it sounds like you’re competing for his time and affection which you need to nip in the bud right now.

You’re both grown adults, are you happy being with a man that you feel like you’re competing with his mother for his time? Or are you waiting until you ‘win’ the competition against his mother?

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You said he just recently bought his own place but does he live there or is all his stuff at his mothers? I’m wondering if going to “visit mom” is actually him getting some alone time. My husband has admitted to me that while he loved spending time together when we first started dating, he sometimes wished he had a little more time alone when he wasn’t either working or with me but didn’t know how to bring it up without potentially hurting my feelings. I realize he’s only home 3 days a week but he is working the other 4 so I could understand him wanting a little time for himself as well. 

 

Post # 11
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

If not – then dump him and find a man that will make you the center of his world 

Post # 13
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

View original reply
jessicabear :  How long have you been dating?

Post # 14
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee

I would treat this exactly the same way I would treat a guy wanting to spend 5.5 of his 11 free days a month with friends instead of with me. No thanks, Next!

It sounds like his relationship with his mother is pretty normal. SHE’S not the problem.

 

The problem is that he only has 11 days a month to spend with you. And he’s choosing NOT to spend half of that time with you. He’s CHOOSING to only see you ~5 days a month.

That just wouldn’t be enough quality time for me. And I wouldn’t be OK with a guy being so apathetic toward me as to choose other things over spending time with me so frequently. 

So. No thanks. Next.

Post # 15
Hostess
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I really don’t see the problem. It’s not like he’s blowing off plans with you to go hang out with his mom, he’s giving you both what he can.

If you haven’t tried talking to him and you’re just going to continue being afraid to talk to him about it I see no reason for you to continue the relationship.

Relationships are build on trust and if you don’t trust him to understand where you’re coming from and believe he will pull away then why are you even with him? You two don’t sound compatible.

 

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