Post # 121
Did the two of you get a chance to talk this weekend, OP? Very curious to know how it went when you tried to pull your SO out of his extended adolescence.
Most women who are dating in their 30s have some work to do with their SO, but generally, it’s more like “He’s a bit of a bachelor” than “he’s a child who relies on his mother still”.
I would never find someone like your SO to be a tolerable partner, but if I fell for someone without realizing this sort of information first, there would have to be a come to Jesus moment for me to stay in the relationship.
Post # 122
bouviebee : ehh I think it’s pretty sexist to say it’s just women in their 30s that have some work to do with their SO. While yes this specific guy is a complete man child and total mommas boy which the mommas boy shit and putting mommy before me I had to shut down and nip in the bud real quick with my fiance women arent perfect partners either. I just notice on the bee a lot it’s perfectly acceptable for a lot of people to just make blanket statements about men but god forbid a guy were to ever make a blanket statement that is negative against women all hell would break loose and he would be a sexist pig
Post # 123
thats a hard no from me.
if its a serious relationship mom need to be weened from her son and son need to get off the teat.
Post # 124
soexcited123 : I absolutely never said that women are perfect partners. Most women have some work to do with their men, most men have some work to do with their women. That’s the benefit of an adult relationship; you grow *together* and learn how to coexist as a couple rather than a single person, but you both started out as functioning adults, at the very least.
The subject of this post was a man-child, so I drew parallels to the fact that while most partners need some refining once coupled up, a dude should be “bachelor-ish” at most. OP is effectively fighting to get him to move from adolescence, where his mother cooks for him and does his laundry, to adulthood.
Post # 125
bouviebee : We did eventaully talk it over though not that very first weekend and I did take a lot of advice from this post which was helpful.
I realize it can’t be me or her, but he has to pull away from their relationship some to make a partner relationship work and he is trying and seeming to get that. We’ve compromised more and do things with her then have our alone time. It’s still a bit of a struggle at times with the time he needs to dedicate and she certainly pulls at his heart strings more some weeks than others.
All in all, I think our bond is strong and continuing to be stronger and I have great hope for us. Mom texts me now and again and likes me, so I guess I’m better off than some Mother-In-Law type scenarios. (even though she isn’t an actual Mother-In-Law to me).
Post # 126
I’m a little late to the board, but personally, Ive always likes the advice that you should judge a man by how he treats his mother. My that rule of thumb, you’ve got a gem!
i don’t think the amount of time he spends with her, or how he spends it, is weird or excessive. But, it’s hard being in a relationship with someone who travels all the time, so I understand your frustration at only getting him a few times a week.
if I were you, I’d try to find some activities for the three of you to do together. Change up your chores routine so you can also visit on sundays, or invite her over for dinner during the week (even if he’s gone).
As we get older, it becomes apparent the amount of time we have with our parents is finite… I completely understand wanting to maximize it if possible.