(Closed) can i “fire” a bridesmaid??

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Maybe you can just talk to her and let her know that while you initially wanted her to stand by you on your wedding day, you don’t feel like she’s as "there" for you as she was before. Do it over coffee or a quick lunch. If you have become distant, she may be feeling the same. She may want out but might be afraid to tell you.

Communication is key in EVERY relationship, not just romantic ones.

Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a girl quit on me because she couldn’t afford to fly out here, and I centraintly can’t pay for that….I was thinking she was going to do that, but I didn’t want to bring it up. She avoided me for weeks and I was beginning to think she was angry with me or something….I eventually just came out and asked her. She was relieved and I was too. Now I am short a bridemaid, but I still have a friend. Perhaps there is something bothering your one time friend. Open a line of communication. If you aren’t that close anymore, you needn’t woryy about he not being happy with you…

Post # 5
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Before you jump the gun, just talk with her.  Is it possible she has a lot going on?  Is it possible she doesn’t know you need something?  If you two haven’t really spoken since the engagemnt, which is about 4 months, is that abnormal? I have some friends whom I don’t speak to for months at a time.  This is probably more due to living in different parts of the country.  Is this your situation?

Also, I think it’s possible that while she is excited and honored to be in the wedding, she might be ironing out some other issues surrounding this.  Maybe she’s nervous as to how she’ll pay for everything.  Maybe she’s jealous because she wishes she had a boyfriend, or that her boyfriend would propose.  Maybe she’s unsure of what she needs to do as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and is waiting for direction. 

Try to have a talk and reconnect.  If you just try to drop her from the Bridal Party, you risk losing her friendship.  Maybe you don’t care at this point, or feel like you’ve lost her anyway….  But you might find out after you’ve dropped her, that you really do still care and maybe the friendship could have been saved.  Weddings can cause strains on friendships.  If you can weather through it, you’ll probably fair better once you’re settled down, after the wedding.

Post # 6
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with Tanya.  You need to try and talk to her first.  Tell her how you feel about the situation.  You might need to re establish what you expect from your bridesmaid.  It sounds like you have others so maybe they can help you with the normal bridesmaid things?

It is pretty rude to "fire" someone after you have asked them to be your bridesmaid.  I had the same situation and the girl ended up not being able to come anyway so I’m bridesmaidless.  I hope your situation works out better than mine.  Hopefully she will be sorry for being absent and will turn around.

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

Whether you should "fire" her totally depends on the circumstances. One of my good friends got dropped from a bridal party once. I think the reason was similar to yours–that the bride didn’t really feel like she was there for her. Maybe she wasn’t, but honestly, she was super busy at the time and the bride didn’t really give her any direction, or make a huge effort to get together with my friend either. In the end, my friend ended up not attending the wedding and now she is not even friends with the bride anymore.

If I were you, I would make a genuine effort to meet up with your friend soon. You may find out that the has a lot going on, or that she expected you to contact her with wedding details, etc.

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