(Closed) can I get a new mom?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry to hear this… some people just aren’t good moms. It’s a painful fact. One thing I wonder is if you might not be communicating with her in the best way for her? (i.e., texts/emails instead of phone calls). I have some friends/family members who will totally ignore texts or emails, but if you call them, they open up more easily. Or the opposite, where calls and voicemails get ignored but texts get responses within 2 minutes. Maybe try a different method of sharing your news with her.

In any case, there’s only so much reaching out you can do before it’s just too painful for you. Hugs.

Post # 4
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh my gosh you could be talking about my mom! I completely understand how you feel. I’m sorry your mom is like that, it really is awful and i’ve cried rivers of tears over it. It would be nice for her to be happy for me for a change, but all I get from her and my sister is negativity and bashing and snarky comments about my destination wedding (even though I’ve offered to pay for her trip). I don’t even think she’s going to end up coming. My Fiance is from England, we are getting married in Vegas, and even HIS family is coming, and so far no one from mine. It’s really humiliating to have my wedding and for his parents to see that no one from my family is there for me. But at the end of the day, it’s he and I that matter so i’m not going to let it ruin my day. I hope you wont either, you are in love and happy and sometimes we just have to accept that people are who they are and they aren’t going to change. πŸ™

Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I understand how you feel. My thoughts go out to you. Keep your chin up! πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts

I’m sorry your mom acts this way and makes you feel this way.  I hope you have other people in your life that are there to love and support you.  (We’re always here though!)  

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ms. rice crispy treat: Hi there. It sounds like your mom is dealing with depression, among other things. My mom has had many of the same reactions as you’ve experienced with your mom. Our relationship is very surface. I am cordial and friendly towards her, but overall, to protect myself from now on it is a very surface interaction. I believe she is jealous of me and regrets many of the choices she made in her own life. My own father has said to me that she is living her life through me. I’ve tried to accept that this is just her way and not to expect any sort of rational discussion with her about anything. But yes…it still hurts. Especially now, during wedding time. Deep down I wish she could be more excited for me. Instead, however, I am fortunate to have many other loving family members and friends that help to fill that void in my life.

Which brings me to my next point: surround yourself with positive loved ones. This will help to counter things when your mom attempts to deflate your spirit. I’ve read a great book called “I’m OK, You’re My Parents” that has a healthy perspective on such situations. Perhaps it will shed some light on things for you. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Cornflakegirl: Have to agree — that was my first thoughts on reading the post. Can’t say it makes it any easier for either of you, but it may make OP realize it’s not anything she ever did. Depression is debilitating and comes out in strange ways.

And think it’s cute you are Cornflake and OP is Rice Crispy πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@blu77: Ha! You know, I hadn’t noticed the cereal likeness of our profile names until you pointed it out! Too cute! πŸ™‚ Thanks for your kind words.

@ms. rice crispy treat: Yes, I feel like there’s a point where we just can’t take things our moms say personally. It takes a certain kind of special shield to block the hurtful words and realize they’re coming from a place that really has nothing to do with us. Once that shield is achieved, it really makes a difference, but I understand that it is still difficult to uphold from time to time, especially at times in our lives where classically we would expect our moms to be most present. I’m glad you are happy in your life. You know you’re successful and accomplished and strong, and have loving people to support you. 

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