(Closed) Can I get a second proposal

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s passing. Did your Fiance know that he died before giving you the ring? If so, then that might have just been his attempt and giving you something positive to focus on. It is not unreasonable to want a do-over but I don’t think that actually having one is going to make you feel any better. If he didn’t purposely give you the ring on the day your Dad died then try to separate the two. Therapy might help with this. Sorry I can’t give you any better insight. 

Post # 4
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. 

However, could it be your Fiance was trying to give you something positive on such a negative day in your life?

Also, it wasn’t the day of your proposal, it was the day you got the ring.

You can ask your Fiance for a “do-over” if you want, but don’t be surprised if your Fiance is hurt by you asking for one.

Post # 5
340 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry about your loss 🙁 that has to be so hard. I can see your Fiance giving you the ring to try to make you happy and not sad. I am sure his intentions were in the right. Maybe in time you won’t correlate the two and since you are grieving, you may be in the anger/blame stage of grieving. Also, another thing to think about is that he already proposed (just without the ring). That was the special time. The ring is just a hollywood symbol; it was the words previously that were the meaningful part of the proposal.

Post # 6
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry for your loss.  I don’t have anything else to say but I know what it is to loose someone important and not be able to have them with you in a time that should be joyful.

Post # 7
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Ness1987:  I wouldn’t say you’re being unreasonable – you can’t help what you feel. I think this has more to do w. your dad’s death than the proposal, though. I know everyone says ‘seek therapy’, but I think it might really help you to talk this out with a professional. There is only so much advice an internet message board can provide.

If I were you, I’d think of your proposal as the day where he asked you to marry him. Plenty of couples pick the ring out later – this is very normal. Yeah it kinda sucks that you got the ring on the day with the bad news, but I wouldn’t really consider that the proposal. Maybe he thought the ring would cheer you up a little bit (maybe misguided, but heart in the right place). Realistically though, if he had given you the ring the day after, the week after, or even the month after, would it really make much difference? You’ll be mourning for a while, sadly.

Sometimes life isn’t perfect. I know some girls dream of the amazing, perfect proposal, and then anything is a let down. A marriage isn’t about a perfect proposal… it’s about spending your life w. someone that you love… through good times and rough times. It started off a bit rough, but what can you do? That’s life. Like I said before, I still don’t think your actual proposal was bad.

Post # 8
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Hey punkin, that’s really terrible and I am sorry, Daddies are a special thing so my heart hurts for you…being a bad proposal survivor I can tell you from experience, there is no recapturing that moment, and if it wasn’t as magical and perfect as you dreamed it would be, that’s ok, and it’s ok to be bummed about it, it’s ok to cry about it…but making him “re-do” it, just seems insincere and forced…you know? 

 I talked to my hubby about how much his botched proposal got to me, especially after all my friends and family got these amazing carriage ride, top of the mountain kind of things, and he said he knew it was bad, and that he just loves me so much that even asking for my hand, when he knew I was a sure thing, was really scary…so now, whenever he buys me jewelry, before he gives it to me, he gets down on one knee and, “Offers this _____ as a token of regret in an effort to apologize for the boned proposal of 2008.”

And it makes me laugh, and it sets us apart from other couples, most everyone gets something romantic, we’ve got something to laugh about…so it’s all good.  Maybe you and him kind find a way moving forward to make it better…but you can’t re-do…not without it feeling phony

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