Post # 31
Gemma2 : Yes, it WOULD go without saying, which is why nobody says it. Except by adding “unconditionally” you are actually stating the opposite. If you would sever the marriage based on some condition, then you’re not promising to be his wife unconditionally.
Kids are different. You’re not having a legal ceremony promising your kids that you’ll stay their mom unconditionally, or even that you’ll love them unconditionally. It’s a feeling. You feel it and you act like it and because they sprung from you and you’ve had a large part in making them who they are there’s a very good chance that even if they did something horrible, you’d still love them. But with a spouse, depending on how horrible it was, you might decide to sever the marriage and you could even stop feeling love. That means it’s conditional. Saying “unconditional love” is romantic but usually not true and wouldn’t be healthy if it was.
Post # 32
Daisy_Mae : totally disagree.
Unconditional love is basic goodness and the total acceptance of someone, it does not mean tolerating behaviours fore mentioned or other ‘deal breakers’
I have been with my partner for 10 years, I believe I know him inside out, good and bad, I have seen the best and worse of him and my love for him has never and will never change.
I love him unconditionally and take him as he is I trust him implicitly so I have no reservations in letting him know I love him unconditionally.
Post # 33
Gemma2 : But words have meanings though. Unconditional means without conditions. That’s what the word means. To love someone unconditionally doesn’t just mean really really love them a lot. It means there is no condition that would ever cause you to not love them anymore. The way you’ve written it takes it a few steps further and says that no matter what horrible thing he might do (eg, a condition) you will stay his faithful wife. But you have also said that if he murdered someone, you would sever the marriage. That is a condition. Yes, an extreme condition, but that’s my point: Unconditional means including the extreme conditions. When making a legal and sacred vow, you should mean the words that you say.
Post # 34
Daisy_Mae : i do mean them. Thank you for your in depth feedback
Post # 35
While l appreciate the sincerity and goodness behind wanting to use the term ‘unconditionally ‘ it seems as if you won’t accept factual feedback on what the word actually means, so no point in me going on about that.
As for the length and general tone of the vows, l am of the (probably old fashioned and untrendy) view that public vows should be short and formal and dignified. I find any highly intimate and personalised exchanges such as yours excruciatiing to listen to, like being made to read someone else’s love letters.
I hope you have a lovely ceremony though .