(Closed) Can I get some things off my chest…..?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

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acc092289:  I know exactly how you feel. I’m about to head into day 4 of “that vacation” with my SO of 6.5 years. I know he got the ring (don’t know for a fact he brought it on vacation) and I know he talked to my dad before vacation, so it would be reasonable to guess it could happen in the next 4 days. But the doubt is killing me. I’m starting to think I’m going home empty handed (pun intended!) and each night I log on my phone and my Facebook feed fills up with people who have gotten engaged while I’ve been on vacation. it makes me want to spit fire.

Post # 17
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have been there!! One day in particular, I visited a friend and her brand new baby at the hospital with Fiance. I was obviously happy and excited for her, brought her flowers, and had a great time meeting her baby. For some reason, once Fiance and I got in the car, I broke down in tears. I realized this particular couple (mutual friends of ours) got married, bought a house, adopted a dog, and had a baby… and we were still JUST dating. STILL WAITING! He promised we would be engaged my X date at the latest… it took 10 months longer than that.

I was so frustrated/ resentful while waiting sometimes I thought I would never get over it and it might ruin our relationship. After a scavenger hunt proposal in Mexico with a surprise horse-drawn carriage ride, engagement photo shoot on the beach, and 5 course private gazebo dinner, all that hurt melted away. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 18
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

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acc092289:  I may never be in you exact shoes, for we all walk a different path in life, but I was in a similar situation. I spent 5 years with someone who promised me the same thing you are being promised. “It’ll happen” “Give it time” “I know you’re the one I want to be with and have a family with.” So on and so forth. I took it in great stride, being truly happy for all the other friends and family members who were engaged and planning their weddings, & helping them with their big day. Enjoying the relationship that my then bf and I had at the time. Afterall, we had talked about us having our day too.  Guess what? That never happened after so many broke promises. I was cheated on instead. He too got “cold feet” about marriage and figured we werent meant to be. I was now single, in my mid-late 20s, and all of my friends were getting married (I had stated in other threads that I am the last one in my group to get married). That sucked, not the way I pictured it ending. Felt like I had no control. Also didn’t end nicely either. 

Now, I’m in more control of how things are going to plan out in my life (do I have the say all, no, some things are beyond my control), but did I have a walk date with my now Fiance if he didn’t propose by a date we had set (we made a timeline by what we would like to happen – Truly believe in “Fail to plan, you plan to fail”)? Yes. Not going down that road again. Not being dragged around like a toy, Waiting… Wondering… Hoping… Wishing… Disappointed after broken promises and timelines lapsing. What saved me in the long run was knowing I enjoyed that time I had with him and making sure to enjoy every moment in the present. I take that on with me now to my present relationship, enjoying one another (in the past as bf/gf and now as FIs).

OP… I really hope this happens for you since you are so eagerly waiting for your big day. It seems as though you truly love you bf. You guys have been through a lot, and have built quite a life together. You deserve this, just as much as anyone else. Us ladies on the Bee are cheering you on and wishing you the best. We want to hear your good news. Please keep us updated!

Post # 22
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

After months of lurking I finally had to sign up to say I know exactly how you’re feeling! It’s a funny to be perfectly happy for your friends and with your life but still so, so jealous. I know that it doesn’t matter, but it’s really hard to move past it.

My SO was going to propose when we went away last weekend. He carried the ring in his pocket for TWO DAYS. Everywhere we went, all weekend. And then…nothing! It was really hard to be perky on the drive home. So close. I thought I had come to terms with waiting but that made it so much harder.

Hang in there! I’m sure you’ll get a good result soon enough!

Post # 25
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I had to comment – since I felt the same way 2 weeks ago. I had been with my partner for 8 years… I knew that marriage was something we wanted to do from around 2011ish (I was 18 when we started dating)… But it took a few more years for my partner to pull it all together and get a ring.

I watched all my friends get engaged, married, have kids… I guess at various times I found it more difficult than others, but I had come to terms with it and it didn’t really bother me anymore. We were together so long that people stopped asking if we were getting married (is that better or worse?!) ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I knew that it was going to happen in the next month or two. But I still went insane! The closer it got the crazier I got! Worrying and agonising about it. I am a smart, well grounded person so I wish I could explain why I went crazy?! I was getting resentful, angry and bitter all over again. However, we got engaged 1.5 weeks ago and I am pleased to say it was worth the wait. I had an amazing night and all the anger did melt away. 

So – please listen to me! As someone who got herself so tied in knots that I almost ruined the whole thing…RELAX! Try to enjoy it! And if anyone figures out why this makes us so crazy please enlighten me! Haha. I hate not understand ing my own emotions! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 27
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

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acc092289:  Please don’t make it obvious in front of your friends that you are annoyed that they are getting engaged and you aren’t. I had one friend who, anytime she heard that anyone got engaged, would get outright mad at her SO and it was obvious to everyone. It made her look slightly crazy and made everyone else uncomfortable.

I get that waiting sucks, but at least you have an idea of when it’s happening, and honestly 3 years isn’t that long.

Post # 28
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

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acc092289:  no idea! it was actually in the pocket of his sweater that I wore on the drive home! Kinda wish i’d just pulled it out and called him on it then and asked what it was. I don’t know if that’s what he wanted by that point (seems weird to give me the sweater). Oh well ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 30
Member
618 posts
Busy bee

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_blackbird_:  agree. 3 years is nothing in the grand scheme OP. I waited 8.5 years. It will happen when it’s meant to. Don’t push it and don’t look like a brat in front of your friends. 

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