(Closed) Can I have a whiney sad guest list moment?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

StL.Ashley:  Hey, i was sad too at some declines we got because we cared about all the people we invited and wanted them there but it’s never (or rarely!) because people don’t like you. It’s usually a valid reason like  can’t travel at that time, can’t get off work, having a baby (we had two due right around our wedding date, lol) etc.


We had a wedding of around 90 people and it rocked! Dance floor was full and the room looked packed. I don’t think I would have wanted anymore that that number really. Plus think of the money you’ll save :-).

Post # 3
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I will totally come to your pity party.

I am so so so sorry.

I was originally worried about the same thing (and I won’t even be sending out invitations for over a year!)

But now I’m starting to realize that it might even be nice if a bunch of people decline…more room to spead out and have a nice dinner and get crazy on the dance floor!!

Try not to take it too personally. Just thank all of those people making an effort to be there and show them a great time! Honestly, if everyone has a comfortable and happy dinner and is then able to get down on the dance floor, you won’t even THINK about anyone who can’t make it!!

Enjoy your time and marry the love of your life!

Post # 4
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We are inviting 120, but we are really only expecting 50 or so to show up, which seems terribly low and makes me a little sad, BUT many of SO’s family are 2500+ miles away, so it makes sense.

Post # 5
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why do we treat weddings in this culture as if they are some sort of status symbol, and the more people who come, the more important/popular you are? Sorry, but I think it is a little ridiculous to think that a gathering of 90 people is so small.

Do you think any of the guests are going to sit there counting?

Besides, now that you have 90 coming, get ready for the no-shows. There may be even fewer. Smaller weddings can be approached in a whole different way, and there is a lot you can do with them that you can’t at a larger wedding.

Rejoice at all the money you will be saving! You invited a whole bunch of people (so no one will feel left out and offended that they were not invited) and luckily a bunch of them won’t be coming. All those plus ones who you do not know anyway. All those people you do know, but really don’t care about. Now the money you would have wasted on them can be put toward spoiling the guests that are attending.

Post # 6
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

StL.Ashley:  I’m almost in the same boat. We originally wanted 85 so I guess it’s not SO bad but after we ended up at 125 I was SO EXCITED to have a ‘real’ party. RSVPs are due next Saturday and we’re only at 84. Womp womp. But still if we spend 5 minutes with everyone it will take 7 hours which is way more time than we’re going to be able to a lot.

Post # 7
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’re inviting 200 (invitations not gone out yet) but I’m guessing we’ll get 120ish. FI’s family is in Ireland so there are a lot of people who have to be invited who I am sure can’t make it. I’m really interested to see how it will go when we start getting responses back!

Post # 8
420 posts
Helper bee

91 guest is a lot! I know some people have huge 200-400 ppl weddings but others also have small weddings. To me, 100 is the perfect size! However, I know how you feel! We planned to have a wedding but no one really cared and out of 120 ppl, only about 30-40 would prob show….and we expected about 100! I was sad and I am still a little. I wish more people wanted to celebrate and care but they don’t. So, we are now eloping bc there is no point in wasting money. You will have an amazing time and those who really matter will be there with you! 

Post # 9
128 posts
Blushing bee

We have about 160 (including our kids and direct nieces & nephew). We haven’t sent any invites out yet, but I know there is a good chance that a lot of my family from my mom’s side will not be coming as it’s about a 7-8 hr drive for them and they’re older. I’m sad because I would love them to be there and celebrate with us.

Other than our kids an direct nieces and nephew (2 of the nieces will be in the bridal part as Flower Girl and our two boys will be Ring Bearer, we will have one niece and a nephew that will be coming just to be fair, both nieces are on SO side and nephew is on my side, so don’t want to exclude him as he’s older), they will be the only other children at the reception.

This is a hot topic on my dad’s side. So I can see a lot of my cousins not coming because theit kids will not be invited to the reception. We just can’t do it. We counted all the kids on both our sides and I think they came in around an extra 80-something. We just can’t afford that unfortunately.

I wouldn’t be surprised if our wedding is mostly my SO’s side. I’ll be sad my family isn’t there, but will have fun regardless with the family that is there and not worry about it. Plus it will save lots of money too. 

Post # 10
1502 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

StL.Ashley:  In the same boat!  We invited 114 and hoped for about 100.  Now we’re looking at 83…  it does seem small.  But I am happy about saving money.

Post # 11
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

StL.Ashley:  90 may seem small, but you will have more time to spend with the guests who do come, and you know they have made your special day a priority.   

Post # 12
3857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I understand you feel super bummed, but just try to remember that it’s quality, not quantity. Ninety is a bit lower than your anticipated number, but it’s not fifteen people replied. That’s cause for worry. I will be in the same boat. Fiance and I will be inviting 130, but will probably only have seventy come to the wedding. We have lots of family out of town who I just KNOW won’t be able to make the trip, but those that do? Our nearest and dearest and I can’t wait. There’s no fault in being bummed, but just remember you will be HAPPY that only ninety are attending and the day of the wedding ninety is going to feel absolutely perfect!

Post # 13
8818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

sorry, i wanted an 80 person guest list.  Darling Husband had too many people to invite.  we ended up having 118 people. i’ve been to weddings with 50-75 people and they are wonderful too.  you will have a great time and not even be thinking about the numbers.


Post # 14
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know the feeling. Our original target was 150 and we faced some ballooning and invited over 200. We’re a week before our deadline and have 106 right now. We’re waiting for about 55 more, but we’ve already gotten verbal “no”s from most of them. It’s looking like we’re going to come out around 125ish, maybe less. Yeah, it’s a bummer, but at least we know the people who are going to be there will care about us. And Carolsays, actually, yeah, at the last 4 weddings I’ve been to I have counted how many people were there, but maybe that’s just me.

Post # 15
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


luluvohn:  Genuinely curious – why would you count how many people were at a wedding?

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