(Closed) Can I have a whiney sad guest list moment?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We were hoping for 100-120 and did b-lists so we wouldnt go over our venue’s capacity or over our budget. based on estimates and the 85% of rsvps we have, we’ll have 110-125 at our wedding (that also accounts for typical no shows) out of the 213 guests we’ve invited.

We feel great that we’ve been able to invite everybody we wanted to and yet we’ll still be able to send some time with each of our guests over the wedding weekend and splurge on them a bit. For a dancing reception in the main area, our venue is best with 80-125 guests so anywhere in there would be fine for us.

See if there are ways to make your reception area feel crowded and fun. if you’re feeling down, maybe think about putting more of the money twd your honeymoon or on a welcome party or afterparty for your guests. And get ready for potentially 5+ no shows. If you have ppl you think might no show, I’d probably confirm with them before the money for them was paid and lost. 

Post # 32
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsMariposa:  right? our wedding consisted of a whopping 18 people, INCLUDING the bride and groom! NOBODY likes me!

Post # 33
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We invited 235, and are having about 170… a good chunk of my family isn’t coming (health issues / new babies / and a couple of “we have too many weddings this year (which actually hurt a lot)). 🙁  oh well, i guess we have more $$ to spend on people who actually care about us!

Post # 34
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
StL.Ashley:  I’ll join your party, but for the opposite reason. We sent out invites for 115 people. We were told by FI’s mom that certain guests wouldn’t be attending due to travel distances, etc. But everyone she said likely wouldn’t come has RSVPed yes!

We have the room and obviously planned for the number of people on the list. But I was really hoping for a lot of declines, especially from the people who she said weren’t likely to come, because I would like it to be more intimate.

Post # 35
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

You know, you just can’t take it personally.  Yes, it is YOUR wedding!!  Your most magical day everrrrr!  But… in reality it is an engagement on other people’s social calendar and has nothing to do with how much they really care.

If you want to correctly judge who cares about you see who steps up when  you are facing a challenge.  When one of your parents is dying in the hospital, when your new spouse or future child is sick, when it is time to bury a body at 3 a.m..  Judging how much someone cares based on attending your wedding will be woefully inaccurate.

I have been through all of those things.  I am 54, married twice, and had 4 girls get married.  Looking back, I had light attendance at both of my weddings, but I still have friends from that timeframe (1980) who come running when I need something or someone. 

You know, wedding scheduled on Fridays, Sundays, or weekdays do create challenges for people to attend.  Has nothing to do with how much they care, you threw them a curveball.

If you have lighter attendance, call your caterer and upgrade your appetizers, or drinks, or desserts to cover the extra money you have to spend.  No sense throwing it away when you can get something a little better, right?

Post # 36
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
StL.Ashley:  I had a similar situation…I think with all the “and guests” we had around 185 total if everyone came, and we ended up with 125 rsvps yes, and then on the day there was like 15 people just didnt show up!!!! I was so bummed not only because of who some of them were but also the fact that it was 100 pp for dinner and not one person had a good excuse nor was any apology made …..just thoughtless. I found out after a few of them knew more then a week ahead of time they wouldnt be attending and yet still didnt say anything….

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  shanbp.
Post # 37
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Fiance is American and I’m Canadian, so our families are all spread out and everyone would have to treavel for the wedding.  We invited 150 and are just hoping to get 40-50 people.  There are a lot of family we haven’t seen for a long time due to living out of the country and moving around for internships, so we’re both pretty bummed because we just wanted to see them all again.

Post # 38
Member
2875 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
StL.Ashley: it’s better than my corporate event — we targeted 30 – 50, got rsvps for 28 and only 5 showed up. 

That said, I will totally come to your pity party, though I’d rather do a smaller wedding than a large one, personally. 

Post # 39
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
hermom:  Would love to hear more about this 3 am escipade… ex husband?  Just Kidding

Post # 40
Member
4690 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

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springbride23:  oh then you have time!!! People are HORRIBLE about RSVPing. You will get an increase in yes’s right on or after the RSVP list. I promise!!

Post # 41
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

We are in the same boat. Invited 202 people (many at the insistence of his mother, I never would have invited his grandmas sisters, more distant relatives because I was aiming for 150 people on the guest list and I have a huge immediate family, being one of 6 kids) & we have 139 coming. after RSVPs came in we were down to 145, but in the last week 6 people have changed their initial RSVP (which I’m thankful for because they didn’t just “no show”). I’m glad we’re not having 200 people, but at the same time I’m said that over 60 people declined.

Post # 42
Member
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel your pain! Our RSVP deadline was yesterday and about 45% of people (130 people!) still haven’t responded even people like our grandparents that we know are coming. So far we have 170-80 attenting and I do not want a small wedding!! I’ve never been to a wedding under 200+ people with the average being around 350, noone has a small wedding. I’m sure many of the 130 will attend, I’m just freaking out that although it would be nice for space and budget, I do not want a small wedding! 

Post # 43
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We invited around 70 (some with +1) however since we are having wedding in my country we already knew that there will be people who will not be able to make it, so even at the very beginning we planned to have 50 guests. Now it seems it will be even less. However I am not upset about numbers. I mean – number of people isn’t the position that determines the quality of wedding day. I am a little upset about certain people not being able to come, because But I know that if they could they would come. My ideal wedding day would be with people I really wanty to be there (and not because they are relatives or we know each other , or we used to be childhood friends or went to the same school). I don’t see how it would make me happy to invite work collegues or people that in general are not really that important in my world. So I guess I would never ever think about how succesfull or less sucessfull my wedding (or any other party for that matter) would be just based on the amount of people attending.

Post # 44
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Oh man sign me up for this party!  I’m inviting something like 220 people and expecting maybe 125, it is a destination wedding and most of those invites are for friends (recent college graduates) who aren’t likely to fly to Boston in January and stay downtown with us for the weekend unfortunately.  

Post # 45
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

View original reply
StL.Ashley:  HOORAY for saving money!!! Less people 🙂

Honestly, I understand where you’re coming from but it’s really not that big of a deal. You won’t be any less married, you won’t be any less beautiful or happy to be standing with your Fiance making that special commitment.

Hell, I couldn’t think of 91 people I HONESTLY wanted there to save my life!  Look at you! You’re popular 🙂

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