(Closed) Can I invite friend to get ready w me on the day of if she is not a bridesmaid?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I see why you would want to include her but I think it would be a bit awkward for her to be the only one in the room who isn’t a bridesmaid.  

Post # 3
Member
4608 posts
Honey bee

I see no problem with it.  Plenty of people do it.  Hell, plenty of people get ready WITHOUT their bridesmaids – most of my friends who have gotten married have gotten ready at their own homes and then all arrived separately at the church or ceremony site.  You can have whoever you want get ready with you.

Post # 4
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

midas2017 :  I wouldn’t include her but I understand your reasoning for wanting to.  What is she going to do while everyone else is getting ready?  She’s either going to stand there awkwardly or people are going to ask her for help.  Either one wouldn’t sit well with me.  You’re going to be so busy that you won’t have time to spend with her anyway.

Post # 6
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I think it depends on how your friend feels about it. Knowing her health situation I’m sure she would understand why you might not want to burden her with being in the bridal party and if you’re close enough I’d just ask her. Personally, I would have no problem with this and would love to hang out with my long distance friend before the wedding without any of the bridal party stress. Also, maybe you could see if she might want to be a bridesmaid despite her health issues? Bridal shower, bachelorette party and missing any other optional events is perfectly ok. Like if she can make it to the wedding fantastic, if not then you’ll know exactly why but if you really want to ask her and she’s ok with it I would leave the choice up to her. 😊 

Post # 7
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

midas2017 :  Look it is a nice idea but agree with pp about it being awkward. I have terminal cancer and I would feel like you excluded me from being a bridesmaid because of the cancer, which sucks and makes you feel shitty especially since you made the decision for me rather than letting me decide if I was up to being a bridesmaid. 

Also you might be putting pressure on her. Depending on her treatment she may not have the strength to get ready with you, especially after an international flight, but feel pressured to do so. There also may be body image issues she is struggling with (hair loss, scars, ports) which might overwhelm her as well especially if strangers will be there. 

 

Post # 8
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

midas2017 :  I think it’s totally appropriate given the unique situation. But you should tell her that you want her there and ask her if she wants to do it.

Post # 9
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

I travelled to a wedding for very close friend of mine who lives far away and got ready with her and her bridesmaid as well as another friend. (She just had one bridesmaid). She asked me and that other friend to do a reading at the ceremony so we could be involved and I was delighted. I lived so far away I wouldn’t have been able to help with anything or attend any pre-wedding events. I also wouldn’t have known anyone except for her. It simply did not make sense for me to attend as a bridesmaid IMO but the reading was such a nice touch. Perhaps you just have a conversation with your friend ask her about her comfort level on everything. 

Post # 10
Member
9802 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I had a friend who wasn’t a bridesmaid get ready with us. She travelled 9 hours to come to the wedding and the only other person she knew was my Maid/Matron of Honor (and they travelled together so we’re sharing a car/accommodations). It wasn’t awkward at all. She got ready with us and hung out just like she was one of the bridesmaids.

I guess I don’t understand why it would be awkward…just because she’s not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean she has to stand in the corner awkwardly. 

Post # 11
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think it’s fine. I asked my cousin if she wanted to join us while we got dressed. I gave her the option of doing her hair and makeup if she chose and she really appreciated it. She’s not a bridesmaid but I don’t see why it would be awkward. She’ll get to join in on the fun! 

Post # 12
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I live in the UK currently and travelled back for a good friend’s wedding, my college roommate and someone with whom I’d always imagined being in each other’s weddings.  She didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid, but did have me stay at her house the night before and get ready with her and the bridal party the morning of.  And you know what, it kind of sucked.  To do all the bridesmaidy things — I got down on my knees and put her shoes on, for crying out loud, while everyone else stood around — and then get left in the house while she and the “real” BMs all traipsed off with the photographer, that sucked, and hurt.

Your friend’s cancer adds more complication to your situation, but I still don’t see why you shouldn’t ask her if she wants to be a bridesmaid.  Even if she’s ultimately unable to come, if she’s important enough to you, I think she deserves the recognition and honor of being named in the program.

Post # 13
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

It is COMPLETELY your decision! I don’t think she would feel any more awkward about it then sitting in the crowd of guests she did not know. Plus you may be able to make a last memory with her and have it photographed. Sorry to put it that way, but giving the situation…

I do not know where all this “ettiqute” with these situations has come from. 18 years ago, when I got married for the first time, people who were not in the bridal party were in and out of the room constantly. I can not see a time where this would not be the case, unless you are not getting ready at your venue. I have never been to a wedding where that happened other than one I photographed, and there were still plenty of people not in the bridal party there, including her 3 younger, MALE cousins, because it was their house and their mother who was getting ready for work because she could not get the day off. 

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Go for it! I think she’s be happy to join you guys.  And if she feel uncomfortable she can always say no. 

Post # 14
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t see any problem with it! Ultimately, this is a day to celebrate love and commitment, and if you want to welcome her to get ready with you all that is completely fine. If it would make the day more special for you both you should give yourself permission to honor that.

I got ready with my cousin who lives on the other side of the country on her wedding day even though I wasn’t a bridesmaid, and even helped get everyone’s hair styled. It was fun and I loved getting to know her friends!

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