(Closed) Can I invite some first cousins and not others?

posted 10 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you invite the extra cousins?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3930 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    err i voted incorrectly.  i put yes but i meant to put no.  you don’t have to invite all cousins.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3930 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @imalittlebirdie:  we are paying too, and not inviting all first cousins.  i haven’t even met some, and others i haven’t spoken to in 10 years.  just inviting the ones i have relationships with.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t think you should invite anyone out of obligation. Only invite the people who you really want there. I have 32 first cousins on one side of the family and most of them have spouses so that’s a heck of a lot of people…I’m definitely not inviting all of them. However, if you don’t invite all of your cousins you need to be prepared to take some flack. A couple of my aunts have already tried to put me on guilt trips for not inviting certains cousins but I really don’t care. It’s not their wedding!!!!

    Post # 22
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I am a strong, STRONG believer that you should only invite the people you want to your wedding.  If they didn’t invite you to their wedding, I would especially not be concerned.  Let the family know that you are having a smaller wedding (less than 100 people seems small in comparison, these days!!) and are only inviting close family and friends.  The word will get out.  Best wishes to you!  

    Post # 23
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m only inviting my cousins that I talk to. There’s no way I’m inviting my druggy cousins that I haven’t seen in over five years.

    Post # 24
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My mother as 12 brothers and sisters (4 have passed away) most all of them have children 2 of them have over 8 each. I have many more second cousins (I am the second youngest in the first cousin generation) so I have second cousins who are older than me (my Maid/Matron of Honor is one and she is a year older than me).. I am not close with many of them. There is too many, and I kind of got shafted because of the age difference in both generations. I am not inviting many of them. I think I will have maybe 10 cousins from my mothers family. I’m sure everyone understands. I don’t even know if they know who I am. 

     

    So I say that is fine! 

     

    (Just for numbers I probably have around 40 first cousins, I am second youngest at 27, so if even half of those had 2 kids.. I would have 40 second cousins.. that is 80 in total. Yea… not gonna happen) 

    Post # 25
    Member
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee

    OP, I definitely think it’s fine to invite some first cousins and not others.  My mom has 3 brothers and my dad has 4, but I am only inviting 3 of my first cousins (they are sisters).  I NEVER talk to any of my other first cousins.  I think you should just invite people you have a personal relationship with.  Since you and your FH are paying for the wedding yourselves, you shouldn’t HAVE to invite some random family members.

    Post # 25
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee

    View original reply
    Ember78:  I agree with you Ember78, but how to do this is the question? 

    Post # 26
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee

    View original reply
    Ember78:  I agree with you Ember78, but how to do this is the question? 

    View original reply
    dawnandjay:  This is exactly what my Fiance and I want to do, but my parents say it’s rude and hurtful. How did you do this? What did you say to the non-invitees and do you have tips for doing it tactfully/diplomatically? 

    Post # 27
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee

    This is really similar to one of our guest list issues. <br />We’d like to treat all tiers of family the same and that appears to be the family idea. But I have 2 cousins who live 30 mins away and I see them, partners and children. My Fiance has more cousins, some of whom we’ve seen and would be invited but I’ve not met and he’s seen once. With a small wedding, it could be that that one side of his family (with partners/children – to keep it fair)makes up a fifth of the guests! I really want to say that we shouldn’t invite anyone we’re not close to as it’d be awful to cut friends for somebody he’s seen once and kids we’ve not met.<br />Advice?

    Post # 28
    Member
    2144 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    imalittlebirdie:  I’m in the same boat.  I am only inviting cousins I am close to. And on my father’s side that is one out of five.

    Will it cause drama? Maybe. Do I care? Nope. I never see them so what’s the point. Besides, they never invited you, so I don’t see the issue in not inviting them.

    My family is HUGE. My father has 5 bros and sisters and my mother has 4. I’m sorry I can’t afford all those people.

    Post # 29
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think it’s fine to invite close cousins only when the family is large.  I have 18 sets of aunts/uncles and 74 first cousins who are all older than me and have their own spouses and kids and grand kids in some cases! If I had to invite them all and even if half of them came, I’d be look at over 100 extra people that I wasn’t particularly close to. No way. 

    We chose a destination wedding to get around this  but I would have no issues not inviting them.   My husband has 7 cousins and none are married, he invited them all. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    This thread is 3 years old guys.

    The topic ‘Can I invite some first cousins and not others?’ is closed to new replies.

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