(Closed) Can i invite to the Shower & not the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not really.  I, as a guest, would want to know I am wanted to attend the wedding and not just there for the gift giving shower.  Sorry, it comes off as a gift grab.  You should invite them to all or to nothing.

Post # 5
3068 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t. To me if you were inviting a guest to the shower and not the wedding it would look like you were only trying to get gifts.

Post # 6
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would just ask them straight out if they feel comfortable with being invited or not. Etiquette is simply not as stringent as it is now a days and most people dont even know the rules except the bride who is currently doing all the research!


My mother in law had my shower at her house, but my Bm’s hosted it there, my Mother-In-Law really wanted to invite some people she knew but were not invited to the wedding, I expressed my concern about the “rules” but these people were still invited, were VERY happy they were invited and they came! so i think it depends on the people 🙂

Post # 7
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Even if you think they won’t come I think they deserve to be invited.

Post # 8
78 posts
Worker bee

You can’t invite to the shower and not the wedding, I’ve had it happen to me before and it’s not very much fun.  

Post # 9
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that they deserve an invitiation to the wedding if they are invited to the shower. If you dont think they will come thats fine.. but that doesnt mean they shouldnt be invited..let them decide on that themselves..but dont be suprised if they end up coming. I personally would not attend a shower if I wasnt invited to the wedding.

Post # 10
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

in a word: no

Post # 11
11366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Etiquette does not permit you — or those hosting your shower — to invite someone to your shower who is not also invited to the wedding.  However, if a particular person or group of people decides on their own to do something on your behalf, that is perfectly fine.  For example, one of my former co-workers was planning a small destination wedding.  We, her co-workers, were not invited to her wedding or any shower that may have been planned. However, we got together and decided to go out after work one evening for appetizers and beverages and to contribute toward a combined gift certificate to one of the stores where she and her Fiance were registered.  So, even though the people hosting your shower should not be inviting people who are not also invited to the wedding, it’s likely that some of those individuals may, on their own, choose to send you a gift.

Also, you may be underestimating how many people will be willing to travel to your wedding.  My wedding was a bit of a destination wedding for everyone, including my Fiance and me.  It was held at a venue that was an hour and a half from most of our guests (and me), and three-to-five hours away from Fiance and most of our friends and family.  Other family members traveled many more hours and many hundreds of miles to share our big day with us.

Post # 12
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I find it very rude to invite someone to a shower where most people receive gifts, but then not invite them to the wedding. Either do not invite them to both or invite them to both and let them make the choice if they come to the wedding or not, you may be surprised.


Post # 14
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

No way!

Post # 15
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012


Post # 16
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Inviting people to the wedding without inviting them to the shower is alot more common and acceptable.. showers are more close knit smaller gathers.. you wouldnt invite 150 people to your shower..usually.. however.. if someone is in the close enough group to be invited to the shower they certainly get invited to the wedding.. not being invited to a shower while being invited to a wedding s different than being invited to a shower without being invited to the wedding.


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