(Closed) Can I just cry on your shoulders?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh man… I don’t have any advice for you, really, but I just wanted to let you know that your crying didn’t go unread. Cry all you need. Hopefully some other Bees with difficult moms or MIL’s will have some helpful words for you…

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can have my shoulder 🙁  Good luck, I’m so sorry this is going on.  

This is your wedding.  You get to have your family there.  If she can’t deal with it, she needs to not talk to you.  If she does this again on the phone, I would suggest just telling her to call back when she’s ready to be reasonable, and hanging up the phone.

And at the restaurant she won’t want to cause a scene (and probably expects that you won’t want to either), so just stick to your guns!  Good luck again!

ETA: You can always tell her that you’ve seen how much pain it’s caused her to hold onto that grudge and you don’t want that for yourself.  It might offend her, but if she thinks about it honestly, she’s not going to want you to go through life like that.

Post # 5
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re having the same issue with my Future Mother-In-Law. She told us shes not coming if we invited a certain Aunt. Well we are inviting her, because it would be super rude not too and shes been a big help to my Fiance on more than one occasion. So if she doesnt come, then we dont have a ring bearer…and my poor Fiance will have to explain to everyone why his mom isnt there…..

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Man, why do people have to make other peoples lives more difficult than they already are?

I think you need to have a talk with your mother.  She is being selfish and rude and I think you need to let her know that it is unacceptable.  She is acting really poorly, having tantrums like she’s 4 or something.

Set the record straight – it is your wedding and you will be inviting who you would like to be there celebrating with you and any more negativity from her will result in silence from you. (As in, don’t speak to her!)

She’s either going to realize that she’s being a real jerk by tarnishing a special day or she will keep being a jerk and you can decide to distance yourself.  You need to do what makes you most happy and DO NOT let anyone else BULLY you into doing anything different!

Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

OMG about the fb posts, poor you. Glad she was better at dinner.

Post # 9
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I am sorry to hear that.You can cry on my shoulders.But this is your wedding.  You get to have your family there. I think it is never too late to learn hollister.If she can’t deal with it, she needs to not talk to you.

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

I’m so glad things are going better! But if you need to chat in the future, we’re here 🙂 Good luck! I know you can find a happy compromise.

Post # 11
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Pinksapphire:  We’re not secretly sisters, are we?  Because that sounds like my mom.

 

I’m sorry about the stress this is adding.  You’ve done nothing wrong.  I’ve found the best way to deal with this insanity is to stay calm and let the other person rile themselves up into combustion.  

Post # 12
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you had to go through all this. I think weddings and funerals have insane effects on people. The stress just seems to pour out of everyone, even if it’s not really “their day”. Keep your head up and if I were you I would stop sharing all the details with her. Sometimes giving the least amount of information is the best way to go in these situations.

Post # 13
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

“She was yelling in my ear (on the phone)about how she can’t believe how much I am stressing HER.  That this is HERday, just as much as it is mine, because she “gave birth to me”, and if she doesn’t want these people at my wedding then I should respect her wishes.  She even said that she is the most important person at the wedding, next to me, and above my Fiance, etc., etc.”

@Pinksapphire:  That kind of attitude from family members of brides and grooms pisses me off.

Post # 14
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I second what a lot of others have already said – she is being very rude and ignorant about your feelings, and needs to realise that actually, this is your day. I get so upset for fellow brides when this sort of thing happens. We’re all here for you. 

Bring out the ‘if you want to be a supportive mother… than you will try to understand why i want to invite my family to my wedding’. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m having the opposite problem. I had a nice guestlist all drawn up and didn’t invite my whole family being that a.) I haven’t seen them in years and b.) whenever there is a “family” event I am not invited so I didn’t see the point in inviting people who didn’t really care about me above friends that do. Until my mum sprung it on me that she invited the whole lot of them the last time they had a family event (that I wasn’t invited to lol). I can just imagine it too – her and her cousin being all competitive and boastful while having a bit too much to drink and my mum blurting that out. It was easily solved though, I made it clear I hadn’t invited them and could not afford to so she stumped up for those people she invited to avoid embarrassment for herself. Maybe a bit mean of me but I was pissed off that she felt she had the right to do that.

Obviously yours is a totally different scenario but the principal remains the same – your mother should not be controlling you like this and dictating to you who can or can’t come to your wedding. It is not her wedding, it’s yours and if it upsets you to think of your family not being there then it will upset you on your big day too and that is NOT fair. It is not HER day either, it’s YOURS. And she is stressing YOU out when it’s YOU getting married. I think you need to be firm, invite them anyway and just take a step back from your mother until she calms down. Be prepared for a lot of threats like “I won’t come” but remember it is emotional blackmail and she probably will turn up after she comes out of her hissy fit. Try to remain calm with her at all times, even if your crying and screaming on the inside. If she calls explain calmly it’s your choice and you’re sticking to it. If she starts screaming calmly tell her you don’t need the stress and end the call. If she sees you’e sticking to your guns she will stop eventually.

Keep us updated x

Post # 16
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Make sure You  mail out  the invitations. You don’t want aunt Sally’s invite  to not nactually make it Ito the post office.

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