- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I hope this dosent turn into a landmine post but here we go
I see a lot of flak on these boards about “how can you walk away from someone you want to spend the rest of your life with/love more than anything, because he won’t propose when you want him too”,
well my feelings on this, are if the love is mutual and he is telling me he wants to get married and doesn’t have a legitimate reason why he won’t propose (for me and many other girls, it’s not about the ring, the party, the dress) it’s about the question!, knowing that after everything we’ve been through that he truly means it when he says he wants forever, it’s about having self-respect.
it is an agreement entered upon by 2 ADULTS why should I not have a say in how long I’m willing to wait to get what I need in the relationship. It’s not saying you don’t get a ring, by 12/1/12 and *poof* you don’t love him anymore and are done, it means that you feel you have given him the time he needs to make the decision and meet you half way, my SO knows if he said to me tomorrow “let’s go get married, you +me +courthouse” I would be there no second thoughts, no regrets, but if after 6 years of nothing it is unfair to one party… and we have the power to change that, I am NO ONES OPTION, life and shit happen….everyday, no one gets a tomorrow, so if you mean it why drag it out to the point where the person “you love and never want to lose” is ready to leave…
I sound really harsh, but it is a big ol pill for me to swallow, to see some people post on these boards how we are wrong to have a “dis-engage” date when they post on here on other threads that they never had to wait, just because you THINK you understand does not mean you DO UNDERSTAND, there is a difference, and it is annoying….the statement don’t judge me till you’ve walked a mile in my shoes rings true with walk dates,
if you dated for a year or two then were magically engaged before you really started wondering, don’t come on here and tell someone whose been with someone 5+ years that you think it’s wrong that they have a date, where they are saying, hey you know what I matter too! so do my needs and if you aren’t going to fill those needs then I need to walk away….otherwise there will always be bitter resentment in the relationship because of what was taken away from one party that was important and it’s unfair to both….
It would be one thing if the other partner in the relationship had legitimate reasons for waiting to be engaged i.e.: he says “I’m only 20 yeah we’ve been together 5 years but I’m only 20 and not ready”, that is different from a 30 year old guy saying the same thing, or even older
But when the other partner is saying, “oh baby I love you I want to marry you”, and then nothing, but sweet words for sometimes YEARS! it messes with your head and your selfworth, sometimes people take their relationships for granted and procrastinate thinking the other person will always be there for when they get in gear, and sometimes people need that kick in the ass to go “Oh, Crap! I’ve got this great girl, I don’t want anyone else, and I didn’t think she was serious, holy crap! I don’t want to lose this girl, what was I thinking, I do WANT to marry her!” and does it, it isn’t FORCING someone to get married that is ridiculous….
My final point is I think a lot of waiting girls catch so much flack, because, we come off as “wedding obsessed” when I would be willing to bet money….that if you asked I’d say at least 75% of the girls on the waiting list, when it comes deep down to it if their significant other said tomorrow “will you marry me, I can’t give you a ring or a big wedding, I just want you all of you forever”….their answer would be “HELL YES! THAT’S ALL IVE BEEN WAITING FOR!” at least that’s how it is for me and girls who are in waiting that I know personally…so I get tired of the judgment and if you don’t like it then don’t comment on the “I don’t know what to do anymore threads”, de-meaning their legitimate feelings, it makes you look like a snarky person which is NOT attractive….Many of these girls want the validation of being the wife, not the party….
end rant….sorry for the novel, props to anyone who reads this bad boy, but due to the joys of night shift I can’t sleep on nights that I’m off like tonight…so I read wedding bee….lol…cuz really who wants to fold laundry….
edited: hopefully made it easier to read…