Post # 32
@MrsPiggles: The thing is, when I see her in person, she is all happy and excited about the wedding. She comes up with these “plans” and says how she can’t wait to do all this stuff. But when it comes down to it, she flakes. It’s the weirdest thing! She’s always been one of those girls who tries to please everyone, so I think she just tells me things she thinks I want to hear from her. Honestly, if she wouldn’t say she is going to do all these things, I wouldn’t care. It’s the fact that she plans it but doesn’t go through with it leaving it all up to my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 33
She sounds a lot like the Bridesmaid or Best Man I had – talking about drinking my top shelf open bar, pretending to be excited about my wedding and wanting to help out and then in the next breath talking about how she hates weddings and thinks they’re ridiculous and expensive and stupid, wanting to hang out where/when it’s convenient for her – we’re pretty much only friends due to the fact that we’ve been friends since we were 10, but we aren’t really good matches for each other. She’s just not as good of a friend as I like my friends to be – it might be good for other people who also like to be that way, but not for me.
Regardless, I gave her the option to step down. I told her it seemed like it was too much and too expensive and I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but that it didn’t mean she had to say yes and if she wanted to step down. She said she would think about it and then decided to step down that night. Now I don’t have to hear her negativity and complaints and I know where her priorities are. She doesn’t actually have money issues (I see FB posts about her going out drinking and going to concerts and going away for weekends, etc.), but her issue is spending money on something she doesn’t actually want to spend it on – a dress to be in my wedding. Which is fine, she doesn’t have to – now I know where her priorities are!
So how about giving her the option? Then if you give her the option and she decides to stay on, at that point you can tell her she needs to suck it up and be a better friend/BM bc she has TWICE said she wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man even when you gave her the option to step down.
Post # 34
@BakerBee16: In this case, I think you are better off not counting on her to follow through with any plans then…. if you know she is probably going to flake, let her talk the talk, but don’t be disappointed if she doesn’t do what she says she will. Make sure you always have a back up plan with your Maid/Matron of Honor 🙂
I hope it works out…. honestly, having bridesmaids is kind of a pain in the butt… if I knew they were going to be more of an annoyance than actual help, I wouldn’t have any.
Post # 35
What??? I don’t see any reason for her to be dethroned as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The only issue would be owing you money, but she told you she would pay you back at a certain time, so it doesn’t sound like a huge deal. Stuffing envelopes is not a bridesmaid duty. I’m sure you managed and survived the paper cuts. It sounds like you are expecting a lot.
Post # 36
I swear, so many brides on this site have trouble with their bridesmaids because they expect them to help out with the DIYs, be there for every little party, shower or bachelorette and also expect them to chip in a fair chunk of money.
Post # 37
As a bride-to-be myself who is in 2 weddings this year and have 4 under my belt, I think that when you agree to be a bridesmad in someone’s wedding, you know exactly what you’re getting into in terms of the cost and responsibilities (shower, bachelorette party, dress, hair, makeup, etc). With that being said, you can’t expect members of your bridal party to plan your wedding for you and to drop everything to complete your wedding tasks and crafts.
If your friend couldn’t afford it, she should have told you when you asked her to be in your wedding. On the other hand, maybe your expectations are too high. Maybe you should give her an ‘out’ so you can at least keep the friendship.
Post # 38
I don’t know if I would kick her out of the bridal party, but I also don’t think you’re expecting too much from her. Saying you’ll do something and then backing out is kind of rude, whether it’s planning a shower or doing something completely wedding unrelated. Same for saying you will pay someone back and not doing it. Same for ignoring communication from a friend.
Also NO JUDGEMENT on anyone here. But, I really don’t understand the attitude some people have about Bridesmaid or Best Man having to do nothing but show up and take pictures that day? Maybe it’s just the area I grew up in? Here, your Bridesmaid or Best Man are your closest friends. The girls that would help you do stupid wedding stuff if they were Bridesmaid or Best Man or not. I dont know why you would chose to fill such an important spot in your wedding with someone who doesnt even want to take an evening and help you stuff some envelopes (or whatever).