Post # 1
We have sent out a total of 165 invitations which we calculated to be about 200 people. The reception site only holds 160 people. So we knew we were up agaisnt a big challenge of inviting too many. But we both have larfe families.. and everyone INSISTED on getting an invite.
Our ceremony/reception will be held on the college campus where we met, which is a little over 2 hours from both of our home towns. So, we knew that distance would defintely spike up our Decline rate.
So here we are, 3 weeks away from wedding, and only 1 day away from RSVP deadline. Out of the 165 invitations.. we have gotten 94 cards back – which equates to 120 guests attending so far. And we still have not heard anything from the other 71 families that got invitations.
So, as of now, I am thinking of having a guest list at the reception door, and making the reception only who those who actually RSVP’d back to us. Because anyone else would just be a ‘show-up’. I would have it printed on the bottom of our wedding programs that reception is RSVP only.
Is this a bad idea?
**update** we HAVE tried texting,calling, facebooking, and emailing the rest of the non-responders. and they just wont reply.
Post # 3
I would follow up with anyone who didn’t respond and get an answer. Think how upsetting it would be to arrive at a reception that you drove hours to be at and they turned you away at the door? I would definitely just get in touch and find out for sure who to expect.
Post # 4
I agree – you have to just follow up with them. It’s a pain, but it’s what brides have had to do for years and years. A lot of people won’t ready the program and/or won’t see the notice. Plus, like SummerCamp said – imagine coming a distance for a wedding, bringing a nice gift, and then being turned away from the rception. I’d be ticked – even if technically I was wrong for not RSVPing.
If the reception was going to be RSVP only, the invitation needed to say that, not the program.
It’s too bad for us brides that no one seems to understand that RSVPs have deadlines for a reason!
Post # 5
I told my mom if they do not RSVP to me they are no longer invited!
I will not be calling anyone. If you are rude enough to not RSVP then you deserve to be turned away at the door
Post # 6
You do need to follow up with them. People forget, or they might have thought they RSVP’d and they didn’t. I know it seems like the most obvious thing to send an RSVP card back, but sometimes it just doesn’t end up happening. And I think it would be beyond rude for some of your friends/family members to show up and be turned away at the door. It’s much better to follow up with them and find out for sure how many are coming.
Although I have to say, it seems like you’re kind of hoping that by not following up, some of the people who are able to come but did not RSVP will be kept out of the reception, thus ensuring that you don’t exceed the capacity…?
Post # 7
Just saw your update…if you made the effort to contact them and they haven’t responded, then I think you’re within your rights to assume that they are not coming. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few people who didn’t respond DO end up showing up on the day of. If that happens, I would be prepared with some extra food and chairs because, again, I think it would be really rude to just not let them in (even though they themselves were rude by not RSVPing). I might also call them one more time and leave a message stating that if you do not hear from them by a week from today, you are assuming that they are not coming. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if you get a bunch of RSVPs next week–people might be putting them in the mail on the deadline.
Post # 8
I think hilsy85 has the right idea. Non-responses probably aren’t coming… but still might. Not everyone is an ideal guest.
Post # 9
Do you have a DOC or a friend who can be stern? My friend ran into the same problem.
She had the DOC stand at the place card table to assist people with finding their names. She also had a list on hand to confirm. If someone came and there was no place card and they weren’t on the final list, they were informed that the couple had contacted them for their RSVP and never received a confirmation and the venue couldn’t accomodate none-planned for guest.
I’m sure some people were annoyed or hurt but it was their own fault.
Maybe you could be prepared for something like that?
Post # 10
Maybe try giving them a call again, letting them know that you need to know an exact headcount and that the facility will only allow those whose names are on “the list” to enter. So, if you don’t hear back, you will have to assume they will not be coming and will not put them on the “permitted” list.
It may be a lie, but could be enough to jolt people to respond. And that way, it’s the venue’s fault for having crazy “security protocol” 🙂
Post # 11
I think intentionally keeping people out of the wedding who were invited is a terrible idea.
I’d think was stange and not very courteous of someone to show up without RSVPing, but I still want everyone I invited to come to my wedding if they can. I would never turn someone away at the door, especially if they were invited.
Hopefully peope have just waited until the last minute to respond, and hopefully you can get in touch with everyone to confirm. Or at the very least let them know in a phone message that if they do not respond, you will assume that they are not coming, and there wont be a place set for them.
Post # 12
I agree that you should try to contact everyone one more time and this time make sure you mention in your text/email/voicemail that if you do not hear from them in the next day you will assume that they will not be attending and will not be able to accomodate them if they do. That way no one can be upset with you if they show up without sending their RSVP.
Post # 13
I agree with Moose1209. I would probably say something like “Hi! I need to get my final numbers into the caterer by Monday at the latest. If by Sunday I still haven’t heard back, I just want to let you know that there will not be a seat or meal reserved in your name. My number is….Thanks!”
Post # 14
I thought about doing this, too. People are ignorant enough to just show up, too. I’m afraid of that happening and being charged extra. I say give them the final warning; I like Vonnegurl’s wording it is polite, but stern. Good luck!
Post # 15
Wow. That is crazy. I’d call/email/text everyone one more time and use Vonnegurl’s wording.
Post # 16
I would send one more e-mail / leave one more message saying your deadline is X Date. If you do not respond, I will assume you are not coming. We need a final count for the reception to insure everyone has a seat and a meal. Something like that?