(Closed) Can I please vent about my fiance?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Instead of starting a fight or staying silent why dont you tell him what you just told us? Its fair he gets to go out sometimes, but only sometimes, not all the time.

You should be invited or he should come home to eat or he should come home and The three of you go out for a quick drink (OK your kid gets sodaCool) and then home for dinner

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you are having to go through this.

If I were you, I would have a set time for dinner. Your son needs to have a set time for things and you should too. If your Fiance isn’t there at that time, then he can get his own meal. He should definately be taking your feelings into consideration.

Have you tried to talk to him about this? If not you should, and if you have, what did he say?

You need to decide if you want your son and you to live like this for the rest of your lives and go from there. Kids need stability at any age and this doesn’t seem like a very stable environment to be.

To me, if I were in your shoes, this would be a deal breaker; sorry. I really hope you can get things worked out.

Also, if you can, you should join a gym or take some classes where they offer daycare. It would give you an opportunity to meet people in a controlled environment and also you son would be able to interact with other kids his age.

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Then eat. If he is late for any reason its OK to eat so you and your son are on a schedule.  If my Darling Husband is late for any reason he knows I may have eaten first because I get hungry. Let him heat up leftovers when he gets in.

I think its OK for him to go out sometimes and have a few, but you sound angry so maybe its not just sometimes like you said? 

Post # 7
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your feelings are 100% legit.  Please tell him exactly how you feel about this – it really is unfair to keep his family waiting so he can go out with friends.  And not letting you know that he’s going to be late when he knows you’re waiting on him for dinner is downright inconsiderate.

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You need to eat without him when you need to. I do it every night my husband works.No point waiting for him, so not sure what that’s about. If you’re hungry eat dinner.

If you’re not honest about how you’re feeling nothing will change. He might not realize you even feel this way. And if he does and doesn’t care, there are bigger problems than beer.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Cash000: That’s nice, but he’s choosing to not be home when dinner hits the table, so too bad for him he’ll have to have a reheated plate.

I mean, you’re unhappy with his behavior so why are you working around it to accommodate him? I guess that’s what I don’t understand.

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Cash000: That sounds too much. How about having a conversation and lay some rules

1) He can go out once a week for some beers by himself without inviting you

2) He needs to tell you as soon as he knows he’s going.

3) When he goes you will still eat at the same time and he is responsible for heating up his own dinner (or making)

4) He still needs to be home by # time.

 

A fresh meal together is better, but he is making the decision of beer over a fresh family dinner.  

If he has to make a choice he might not want to go as often, but as it stands now he gets the best of both worlds. There is no incentive to NOT go for beers.

Post # 13
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Perhaps the pressure of working many hours is his reasoning for this behavior. 

I can see how you are hurt and extremely frusterated! Right now he is everything the only one you know and the corner stone of the family for your son. Sometimes men are totally oblivious, im not sure about the other areas of you relationship. If this is the only problem it can defintatly be setteled with some talking, I know things might be a little crazy as you try to settle into a new place.

If the majority of the relationship is bad (overall respect, your love life, commitments, habits, major doubts etc), and you are just in it for the “right thing to do” , then perhaps its time to reevaluate everything to make the best life for everyone.

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

How old is your son? I don’t care if my husband has been shoveling coal all day, if it’s time for my kid to eat dinner, that’s that, husband has to have dinner when he gets home. If people are on opposite schedules it’s great to make an effort but it’s not always realistic.

Post # 15
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with 0@KatyElle:, your son needs a schedule, and you need to stick to it–whether or not your guy is home or not.  Lay down some rules, and if he can’t live with it, tough.  You have to do what you have to do in order to ensure your son has a proper upbringing.

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