Post # 1
Hi all. I’m looking for some outside opinions on how to deal with a flaky Maid/Matron of Honor… as a bridesmaid.
A dear friend of mine is getting married this summer. At the beginning of the planning process, she asked her sister to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. The remainder of the bridal party is filled by five (working) women scattered across the country, living 3-19 hours away. Since getting engaged in the fall, Maid/Matron of Honor has dragged her feet – asking the bride to push back her wedding date by a year to fit her own schedule, complaints about attending dress-shopping ventures, refused to plan shower, won’t be attending the planned shower, etc.
(When possible, I’ve been assisting her with wedding planning tasks if her Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t interested.) Bride-to-be is trying to casually ask me how the bach party planning is going… she would really like to have something. Four weeks ago, I badgered the Maid/Matron of Honor into setting a date for the bach party for my own benefit: I needed to ask for a day off work to travel in.
The bride-to-be is leaving in a month. She’ll be out of the country on business for about four weeks, returning two weeks before her wedding. In the meantime, Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t made any plans. No discussion of budget, destination, etc. Destinations that the bride-to-be had discussed are booking fast. Do I badger the Maid/Matron of Honor into doing more planning? If so, is there a way that I can do it tactfully? If not, do I let it go?
TL;DR: As a bridesmaid, can I prompt the Maid/Matron of Honor to begin planning a bach party? Do I take over planning? Or do I just let the Maid/Matron of Honor throw together whatever she can at the last minute?
This topic was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by anonybee2015. Reason: edit for spacing
Post # 2
anonybee2015: If her sister isn’t interested in planning, you should take over and plan something for her.
Maybe send her a quick message, saying you’d like to take over planning the bachelorette. It doesn’t seem like something the sister is into doing anyway. Some other BM’s and I had to do this recently for a friend’s wedding. The Maid/Matron of Honor sister literally did not do ONE thing.
Post # 3
anonybee2015: I’d say it’s more than fine to take over– it sounds like everyone involved (MOH, bride-to-be, other bridesmaids) would appreciate it. My Maid/Matron of Honor is more of a homebody, so she’s planning my shower, but another more party-friendly bridesmaid is planning bachelorette.
Post # 4
kb7: Thanks for the input! It’s a weird situation as I’m friends with both the bride-to-be and the Maid/Matron of Honor. You don’t want to step on toes, but you also don’t want your friend to miss out on a (potentially) fab experience..
Post # 5
august302014: I love how your bridal party split the tasks! It sounds like you’re going to have two great events 🙂
Post # 6
I think you could try some prompting of the Maid/Matron of Honor, but at the end of the day I think your options are to leave it alone or be willing to take over planning. A bachelorette party doesn’t have to be anything complicated and requiring reservations. Mine was dinner out with my girls and then back to our hotel suite for games and drinks and chick flicks. And it was awesome. If you have a date that’re the most important thing. Maybe just make some suggestions to the Maid/Matron of Honor and ask if she needs help.
Post # 7
Rather than just take over, I would contact the Maid/Matron of Honor and ask if she has finalized any details for the party. If not, then I would volunteer to assume responsibility for the planning.
Post # 8
Yep, go ahead and just start planning it. Clearly this girl just doesn’t really get the whole planning process. You could check w the bride and make sure she doesn’t mind, but I’m sure she’ll be grateful!
Post # 9
The first time I was ever a Maid/Matron of Honor (2011) I had someone take over the Bachelorette planning. It wasn’t really a situation like this, I had been starting to plan things and we were still months away from the big day. I started getting phone calls and emails from some mutual friends of the brides and mine (girls who weren’t even bridesmaids) telling me they were thinking about venues and activities and gifts for guests..
At first I was pretty offended, because it was as if they were taking over and just assuming I wasn’t doing anything. Admittedly, I hadn’t shared any of my ideas with them.
But then I realized that I was already spending money and a lot of time on the Bridal shower and here were two girls willing to do the whole Bachelorette for me.. .and they WANTED to. So I just sat back and let them take over.