Post # 1
Hey Bees, as usual, need your advice!
My friend’s wedding is this summer (and mine is this fall!) and I am a bridesmaid for her wedding so expenses are already getting a little tight. I already bought the dress ($200) and she will be handling the shoes ($50). She still thinks she might want us to have our hair professionally dones ($100) but I’m really hoping I dont have to. 🙁
My friend wanted a bachelorette weekend in Miami and there was some complaints about how much money it is…plus, I didnt want to go on a weekend trip with a bunch of girls I dont really know/like. (I’m not bitchy– I just dont want to waste my time and money doing something I dont enjoy…sue me!) It turns out that my friend’s FI’s mother and aunt got a timeshare in Miami and it will be a quiet weekend with just the older ladies, so I agreed to go on that ($350 plane tickets, they already have the timeshare) So far, I’ve spent $550 on this wedding.
Her wedding is about 5 hours away from me too, so I will have to rent a car, drive there, pay for hotel for the weekend, and pay for a dogsitter for my 2 dogs. I;’m estimating thsi will be another $500+ (not including wedding present!) All while I am trying to save fr my own wedding– which will be only me and my Fiance in Hawaii….no guests)
Today I get an email from the Maid/Matron of Honor about the bridal shower. It seems like my friend planned it herself and they broke down the price between 7 bridesmaids and its goping to cost $350!! And, there will probably be a bachelorette party in Boston. ugh.
Bees, tell me I can forfeit the Bridal Shower and just send a present?!
Post # 3
unfortunately you will still probably have to chip in for the shower. Being a bridesmaid is so expensive!
Post # 4
Even if you skip the shower (which I wouldn’t have a problem with, if I was the bride) are they still excepting you to chip in $350 for “your part”?
Post # 5
Definitely! It’s too much money! She’s having a total of 3 events aside from her wedding?! That’s excessive. Skip the shower and bachelorette.
Post # 6
Um…I would not be TOLD that my share of the shower is $350. That’s a thing that you discuss together before plans are made.
Post # 7
$350 per bridesmaid? Or $350 total? $50 a bridesmaid isn’t too bad, but it’s pretty crappy that she would plan something without getting input from any of you (not to mention tacky that she’s planning her own shower). I would tell her that you’re tight on money and ask if you could plan something a little less extravagant.
Post # 8
@1stRosie: you absolutely do NOT have to pay for
the shower. My bridesmaids arent paying for
mine bc they dont all have it so I didnt think it was fair that 2 out of 6 were offering to split it. I have no anger or resentment towards them
for that. You are planning your own wedding so they must understand.
I am confused about the bachelorette….u said u booked Miami then u later mention Boston? Which is it? Are there TWO?!
I am sorry but I firmly believe all a bridesmaid has to do is get an agreed upon dress and show up on my wedding day! I think you should speak to the bride and other bridesmaids now before they get upset or have unreasonable expectations.
Post # 9
@1stRosie: her bridal shower is over $2,000? That’s a crazy amount. I think you have spent enough money on the wedding, but did you know you would be spending a lot when she asked you? Its kinda to late to say no now for the wedding, but voice your concerns to the bride about the shower. Why weren’t plans discussed with you??
Post # 10
@cmbr: oh no. $350 PER BRIDESMAID
Post # 11
Just let them know you can’t do it. That’s way too much.
Post # 12
How is a bridal shower costing you 350 EACH? I am honestly just curious- that seems rediculous!!
Post # 13
Uh, I would write back the Maid/Matron of Honor and say that “share” is over your budget. Seriously, I cannot believe some brides expect others to spend that kind of money on a SHOWER, in addition to all the other obligations, gifts, etc.!!!! (Ok, end rant.) But I would seriously write her back and say you will not be contributing that much and maybe it’s a good idea for all the bridesmaids to get together (or talk over email) about planning the shower together within everyone’s means. You can seriously plan a beautiful shower without breaking the bank.
Edit: In my opinion, unless you have another obligation, as a bridesmaid you should not miss the shower. Totally understandable if you honestly can’t make it though. But you should definitely scale back the price of it! 😉
Post # 14
@1stRosie: Holy shit, that’s insane. What’s she doing for her shower, hosting it at the Ritz? Giving out gold bars as party favors? I’d be surprised if either of my showers ended up costing over $200 total.
This bride definitely needs a reality check.
Post # 15
What in the world is going on at the shower that SEVEN people need to pay $350 each???? I would tell them no as nicely as possible. Why wasn’t this a collective opinion among the bridesmaids?? Maybe you could sit down with the bride and ask her if she’s realized how much everything is adding up to?
Post # 16
@1stRosie: I think its fair to skip any event you have to travel for outside of the wedding. One of the bridemaids in my friend’s wedding lived on the other side of the country. She came for the wedding and that was it. Nothing else. I would chip in for the shower though. Although that seems pricy for a shower. Most showers around here are in halls with food provided by the guests (egg sandwiches and the like).