(Closed) Can I tell her no?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t do it either.

Post # 18
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

As already said, kindly decline and may offer to make a sign for her. Or offer to point people towards the guest book as you socialise.

Post # 20
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@Jijitattoo:  

Exactly this.

Post # 21
Member
2908 posts
Sugar bee

I have to add that unless your guest book is super unique and alternative and requires complicated instructions, no one needs to stand next to it. People will figure it out! It’s a guest book, you sign it!

Post # 22
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve been an “attendant” for two friends. Both wanted me there getting ready and in pics etc but had way too many bridesmaids as is. They told me what colors to wear, but not what dress. They both had me handing out programs. I just felt honored to be included in any way and special because I got a boutonnière. 

Standing by the guest book all night and buying a BMs dress when you’re not one is weird though. 

Post # 23
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I have never heard of a guest book attendant. Is it made of gold? Just politely decline. If she actually wanted you to be a part of her wedding in some way then she would have asked you to do a reading or maybe hand out programs, but guest book attendant? 

Post # 24
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

NOBODY needs a guest book attendant.  Put in on a stand by the door and people will sign it as they come in.  Seen that work countless times.

Nothing says “I’m the loser that didn’t make the cut as a bridesmaid” like having to wear a matching dress and stand by the book.  You should tell her no!

Post # 25
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee

I had to be a guest book attendant for a cousin’s wedding when I was about 11 (I didn’t get the option of declining – my parents were in charge) and it was a terrible experience.  It was the worst wedding experience I have ever had, and was a big contributor toward my negative attitude toward weddings for most of my teens and early adulthood.  I would say, definitely skip this role!

Post # 26
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just politely decline. Nobody needs a guest book attendant and the idea that you should shell out on a dress you’ll probably never wear again and then get stuck standing around like a hired retainer all night is a ridiculous one. You’d have more fun passing canapes, to be honest. 

Most people recognise and accept that there’s only so many bridesmaids that a bride can have/will want and sure, sometimes that means a friend is left out. But it is actually far worse to be offered an awful non-job than it is to accept that you cannot be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 27
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

No way! There is a funny Sex and the City episode about this, where Miranda gets this task!

Post # 28
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You’re fine to say no… But perhaps in doing so you could offer to remind people to sign it as you socialise? 

And just to slightly support your friend – I have seen this role listed on more than one website under sections about ‘I have lots of friends I want to get involved, but too many for bridesmaids’. So maybe she thinks it’s a normal thing…

Post # 29
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

Having you buy a matching dress IS lame. Is she going to get you a bouquet, too? Our guestbook will just sit on the table with the escort cards. The groomsmen will be handing out our programs. My mom told me she did it once – when she was about 16, at her cousin’s wedding. She also asked her sister in law to do it, at hers (she got a corsage). No matching dress or costs associated, with either.

Post # 30
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You can say no.  Just say that you’d rather attend the wedding as a guest.

Post # 31
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Would you like to have a boring job AND be forced to buy a dress that was picked out for you?

Boy, oh boy!  Laughing

Seriously?  Who does that?  I would decline.

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