(Closed) Can I tell her no?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@Rosybee:  “Are you allowed to leave the guestbook unattended?”

“It’s a bullshit job, Carrie.  People know what to do with the guestbook.”


Post # 33
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@dreamer1288:  I would tell her no. Honestly, who wants to stand by a guestbook? No thanks! I’d rather be enjoying cocktail hour/the reception than standing around! 

Post # 34
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dreamer1288:  It’s perfrctly fine to thank her for thinking of you but tell her you would prefer to attend as a guest.

Why anyone thinks anyone else over the age of 5 would be charmed to be asked to be a guest book attendant is beyond me. 

Post # 35
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

She wants YOU to buy a dress to stand next to the guest bok??
That’s a “Heck no!”
What a request :/

Post # 36
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@dreamer1288:  If I am super close with this person, I may consider it BUT I do think it is a little lame and almost disrespectful of her.

Post # 37
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’d much rather be ‘excluded’. What an exciting job, watching people sign a guest book. No thanks, I’d decline!

Post # 38
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

That sounds like a literal job, that she should hire someone to do and pay them money. Asking you to miss out on getting into the party to do work instead – rude!

Post # 39
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@dreamer1288:  If your cousin is an experienced hostess, holding a fully formal affair, then “helping with the guest-book” is code for acting as the hostess’s lieutenant with respect to any day-of guest-list concerns: rearranging seating lists for sudden last-minute additions or deletions, discretely replacing place-cards for mis-spelled names or guests who have suddenly changed spouses, and so on. Attending the guest-book is the least of her responsibilities; the guest-book merely provides the first indication of any discrepancies between the planned and actual guest-list.

But I am guessing — the matching bridesmaid dress being the first clue — that your cousin is not in the least experienced and hasn’t even thought about entrusting you with those responsibilities, nor with providing you with the information and resources you would need to resolve any problems.

And yes, you may certainly decline.

Post # 40
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I get her wanting to give you what she thinks is probably a special role, and I can see how she would think this is a good way to honor your relationship by making you “not just another guest” but I have to say, it’s kind of misguided on her part!

I would definitely decline, but as others have said, I’d do it as kindly and politely as possible because it sounds like her heart is in the right place.

Unless she’s just in need of free manual labor that she’s trying to pass of as an honor in which case, forget the kind and polite part of it haha.

Post # 41
1309 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you can.  You always have a choice.  I think

View original reply
@Jijitattoo: ‘s approach is great!

Post # 43
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t watch SITC, but that’s the first thing I thought of anyway.  Why the hell does anyone need a guest book attendent?  If your guests donno what do do with a guestbook, then don’t have one!

LOL and omg in a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress.  Sorry I think that would just look ridiculous.  What is this lady thinking?!

Post # 45
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@dreamer1288:  Yeah, I think you’re justified in wanting to say no to this. Can we please use this as an example of how dumb pseudo roles don’t make people feel better about not being a BM? Wedding parties can’t be infinite and there have to be some sacrifices but can’t we agree that giving someone a bullshit job and pretending they’re a part of the wedding party when you both know they’re really not is rubbing salt in the wound? 

Trust me, I’ve been there. I understood that the bride was trying to do something nice for me, but all she really did was embarass me and make things feel awkward. 

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