Post # 1
DH and I are going to an overseas wedding in January, none of the girls in the bridal party are local to the wedding and we’re all travelling with our SOs to attend and stand in the wedding. None of us know each other and our SOs don’t know each other or anyone else at the wedding.
The wedding itself it a multi-day event, there’s 1 pre-party, the wedding, reception and second reception that the Bridal party is already committed to and all the getting ready time that goes with those things. She is now asking us to book a spa afternoon with her (at our expense). They also have a NYE party that we’re all attending (we pay for tickets to it, it’s at a private club) and they’re having a beach party welcome dinner thing. This is going to be a very busy week and I am starting to feel like it’s just too much.
I feel guilty that I’m travelling this far with DH just to leave him by himself all the time with no one he knows – and he’s the type who either clicks with you or doesn’t. He isn’t great at hanging out with people he doesn’t know or doesn’t find an instant bond with. He’s also very introverted so things like this are pretty draining to him.
Can I decline the Spa afternoon? I want to go and I don’t want to disappoint the bride but I’m not sure that I can afford the extra money and I really want to make sure that DH and I get time together as well – he’s already not overly excited about this trip. I don’t want to be leaving him in a hotel by himself all the time.
Post # 2
I think it would be ok to decline the spa trip. The bride is asking for a lot already just asking people to go overseas for her wedding, much less stand up in it and pay to attend all these completely unnecessary parties. I’m sure she’ll understand if you not go to the spa event. And if she doesn’t… :::kanye shrugs:::
Post # 3
totally! Decline, say you want some time to hang out. Thats a pretty demanding schedule – on time and finances to be honest.
Post # 4
Just let the bride know that even though you would enjoy a day at the spa with her, it isn’t finacially feasible and you aren’t comfortable leaving your DH alone even more than he is during that week. If she’s isnt a bridezill, she should understand and be grateful that you are traveling to join her for her special day.
Post # 5
MsGinkgo: Yep, totally fine. It sounds like you’re putting out a lot of money already.
Post # 6
Yes, I would decline if I didnt want to leave my DH alone for the afternoon and spend money on the spa and spend some quiet time with DH to relax from all the activities.
Post # 7
I am never one to turn down a spa day at someone else’s expense so I say tell hubs to bring a good book and go with the mega wedding weekend flow it you love your friend!
Post # 8
Totally okay! Explain this to the bride so she knows what you’re thinking though. Because I am living in Switzerland, I am going to have the same deal – a wedding where almost nobody in the bridal party (or wedding at all) will be local. Part of me feels like when people are here, I need to keep them entertained with as many activities as possible, but I will also be trying to keep everyone’s pockets in mind. That’s a hard balance, and if she went a little too far on one end this time, I’m sure she’ll appreciate you letting her know.
Post # 9
Oh snap I read that wrong, I thought she was treating her BMs. Of course you can decline!
Post # 10
Xu: jofits: weatherbug: pinkshoes: thanks guys! I was worried that I was being unreasonable. She hasn’t sent us a ‘schedule’ for the week yet (which is surprising because she’s uber planner) so it may not be as busy as I think. I may ask her to let me/the bridesmaids know the schedule for the week. I’d like to go do a little sightseeing with DH or just relax in the sun. I’m a total extrovert but go go go all week especially with that much travel can make for a cranky Ginkgo.
The bride is paying for a lot of our expenses (dress & hotel to be 2 of the big ones) but we are shelling out a lot of money for this adventure.
MrsBuesleBee: we’d be paying ourselves. If she was offering to pay I’d feel worse about declining.
Post # 11
Yeah you can totally decline. I had a destination wedding and my friends and bridesmaids just came along to whatever they felt they could afford. Half of them missed my hen-party, because it was a week before the wedding and they didn’t feel able to come for a whole week.. and I was fine with that! We also had a spa trip and a couple of dinners and again – those who wanted to attend came along and those who didn’t did their own thing. Some of them were attending the wedding with their SOs, so they did more ”couply” stuff (laying on the beach and sightseeing)..
Honestly if she’s bothered about you declining the spa it’d be pretty selfish of her.. You should do what you feel comfortable with and that should be fine with her.
Post # 12
MsGinkgo: absolutely you can. she should be understanding being that you are probably paying over $1000 to be there for her.
Post # 13
MsGinkgo: All I can say is wow. This couple is not “having” a multiple day event. They are just doing a bunch of non-wedding related shit and want you to pay to accompany them. What a bummer for your husband if you actually go through with this. I would politely decline and tell the bride you can’t afford the expense.
Post # 14
Sorry, but weddings aren’t multiple day affairs. If you’re a bridesmaid, you obviously need to be there for the rehearsal (if they have one), ceremony and reception. Anything else should be optional. I would just let her know she’s asking too much- do you have to take time off work for this?
Post # 15
I think you can decline but I only think you should mention the finances. Explain that you are grateful for all of the help she’s given but you will have to miss out on the spa, even though you’d love to be there for her.
I don’t think you should say anything about wanting more time with your husband. There is bound to be some down time. And time you can talk to DH during the events. I just think it may come off as selfish, since you probably don’t see her often.