Post # 1
I sent save-the-dates to our guests, but the not the invitations. Lately, I’ve been reconsidering one person in particular. I know this is normally extremely rude, but I’m in a strange situation.
I have a small group of co-workers who I spend time with outside of work, so I considered them close friends. They all got the save-the-dates. Recently, I got into a dilemma at work with one of them and she’s been avoiding me outside of the office ever since. When we’re at work, we’re strictly professional and we’re courteous to each other, but there’s no more chit chat. I’ve made several attempts to make plans to grab dinner or drinks, but she’s declined all of them. All of her actions clearly say, “We’re no longer friends, we’re just co-workers.”
Since this person is no longer willing to put any effort in continuing our friendship, I don’t want to invite her to my wedding anymore. The save-the-dates have gone out, but the invitations haven’t been sent yet. Is it too late to remove her from my guest list?
Post # 2
I would say you should still invite her. If you didn’t work with her and didn’t care about ever talking to her again, sure make the faux pas. However, it’s not like she did something terrible to you. I think work would be super awkward, sounds like she won’t come anyway.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
ugh…yeah, I would still invite her. Let her decline if that is how she feels. I wouldn’t exclude her from the others.
Post # 4
I think that would cause too much friction at work and gossip. While she may be avoiding you, not inviting her is the nail in the coffin. If she truly does not want to be friends she will decline anyway, and at least you’ll know you were the bigger person. I would reach out to her and be honest, say you’ve noticed the change in your friendship and you’d like to remain friends.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t exclude one person in a group of guests unless they did something personally offensive to you (like tried to sleep with your Fiance or were spreading nasty rumors) With this person, there are several reasons just to suck it up and invite them. You work with them, so you are going to have to get along with them on at least that level for at least a bit of time to come. Your co-workers who are invited will probably be talking about it, so that co-worker will know they are left out if you leave them out. Also, it doesn’t sound like you are ready to burn that bridge even if she isn’t the most friendly.
Most likely, at worst she will come with the group of co-workers and you will have five seconds of saying hi. At best, she will decline and you will save face without having to worry about it.
Post # 6
Sounds like she would decline the invitation to your wedding, but I would send her one anyway. If she did show up to the wedding, its not like you have to hang out with her…I hardly had time for all of our guests and I liked all of them! 😉
Post # 7
I am not a fan of mass mailed Save-The-Date Cards and this story is a good illustration of why. But since you’ve sent one and this woman is still your co-worker I think it would be an especially bad idea to rescind an invitation.
My suggestion, wedding or no wedding, is to take this person aside and address the issue directly. You will still be working with this woman, so it would be nice to see if there is anything you can do to work things out between you.
Chances are she won’t attend the wedding. At least you will have tried to make things right.
Post # 8
weddingmaven: This wasn’t a mass mailing. The fiance and I went over our guest list very carefully. This woman was definitely a good friend before the falling out. She even helped me with some of the wedding planning and dress shopping.
Post # 9
WanderingPeace: I would just invite her. If she is serious about keeping your relationship strictly professional, she will not attend. If you do not invite her after sending a save the date it’s pretty rude (even though your friendship has changed, it doesn’t sound like she did anything super awful) and will pretty much ensure that you will never be friends again. I wouldn’t want to close the door on that – you never know what the future holds and how things can change.
Post # 10
WanderingPeace: i would still invite her, as it won’t help ANYTHING if you make it an obvious snub at this point. however, if she feels the way that you think she does, she won’t come anyway. plus, if it’s a short lived thing and you two end up being friends again, you won’t want to have burned this bridge.
Post # 11
Invite her. You don’t 100% know what she’s thinking or why she’s cancelled plans. Most likely she’ll decline and then that’s on her and not on you.
Post # 12
Inviting her is a sign of goodwill on your part and may be just what is needed to get this freindship back on track. To not invite her might have very long term consequences for you in the work place.
If she comes and things are cool between you, its not like you have to spend much time with her on your weding day. She’ll be outnumbered by people who adore you.
Post # 13
WanderingPeace: I guess I’m going against the grain here–I wouldn’t invite her. This situation seems pretty straightforward in that you haven’t sent the invites yet, only Save-The-Date Cards. I can’t imagine spending time or money on someone who doesn’t even want to hang out with me.
Post # 14
spiffanee: I completely agree with you and that’s why I’m so conflicted. Thanks for validating my question. 🙂
Our reception costs $250 per person and we have a B-list on both sides. So I would rather move someone up who would love to get an invite than to send one to someone who won’t appreciate the gesture. If I send her the invitation, there’s still a chance that she would show up. Why send the money on someone who won’t appreciate it?
Plus, I’m looking to leave the job within the next 3 months.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
Invite her. She probably won’t come anyway. My Fiance had the a similar thing happen with a coworker, and she isn’t coming, and he felt like the bigger person. Win win.