- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Hi bees – need a wee bit of advice from the hive!
Here’s the bridal party situation in a nutshell: Fiance and I met while he was on tour in the US. I moved to Ireland. My best girls from the States are still considered bridesmaids even though only one might be able to afford the trip, and it’s stlll a might (thanks to immigration we only have 6 months to get married, and we’re getting married a year to the date we first met so…no one’s had the time to save up and I am completely understanding about that etc etc). My Maid/Matron of Honor from the US can’t make it, but we’re planning to Skype her in for a speech.
Since I knew I wouldn’t have any bridesmaids, and had really clicked with one of my FI’s bandmates girlfriends, I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (the one back home doesn’t mind sharing since she can’t make it), the other guy’s girlfriends to be bridesmaids, his sister to be a bridesmaid (my two sisters cannot make it), and his best man’s wife to be a bridesmaid. Worth noting here that they have a new baby who’s coming to the wedding as well, and she’ll be between 5 and 6 months old by then.
I knew coming over here that the chances of bridal party organization were unlikely. Two of the girls live in Dublin, the Maid/Matron of Honor is at school in Manchester, his sister is at school in Liverpool, the only confirmed one I have from my American life is coming from Germany, best man’s wife has the baby. Almost all of them have been very helpful with emotional support and messages online, especially my Maid/Matron of Honor. But because we’re both on tight budgets we haven’t been able to call each other or get together or do much wedding squealing. She will be coming over a couple weekends this month so there’s that, which I’m stoked for, but it doesn’t give us much planning time still.
The Fiance just got back from a two week tour of the UK and is leaving AGAIN on Thursday for a nearly 3 week tour of Europe. He’ll be back about a week before the wedding. Yes – my head is exploding. There is still so much left to do! And it’s been very hard to be apart – despite all the practice we had during our international dating period. I think being alone in our house on a giant hill a bit far out of the city is driving me a bit madder than usual. I even “borrowed” a cat that I am now keeping. She’s helped with the lonely.
But this isn’t about making my cat the Maid/Matron of Honor so let me get back on topic!!!
Since my first visit here and my arrival, we have spent a lot of time with his best man & his wife. We all consider each other family. Fiance just had his stag do this weekend courtesy of his mates. There hasn’t been any coordination for me to have a hen do (the other celebrations don’t seem standard here and with our short engagement, a shower would just be awkward for me) or much communication between bridesmaids at all. Granted, some of them don’t seem to get along but they’re all sweet girls that *I* like and all of his bandmates are groomsmen. All of them are very busy girls as well so I do understand! They all asked early on what needed done and I told them not to fret! And that they can all wear whatever they please, long as it isn’t white! (It’s an Alice in Wonderland themed wedding, so mismatched bridesmaids is actually a plus for me)
Well, BMW (we’ll just use this acronym from here on out) and I have really bonded since my arrival, and I realized the other day she’s accepted the Maid/Matron of Honor duties and taken them all on without either of us really realizing it! She noticed I didn’t have a hen do or any plans for one, She offered while Fiance is away again to have her and her other daughter, who’s in college now, to come up to our house and have a “girly night” where I put on my dress to prance around in and we do girly things like makeup and gossip and movies. She’s going with me tomorrow for a fitting at the seamstress. She kept me sane during the FI’s stag weekend (he lost his phone a day before coming to our hometown for a gig there, then was away for his stag do so no contact for two days which we’ve NEVER had since we met!) not to mention while he was away on the tour and I was stuck in the house, she and her husband have had me over a ton and I’m so grateul!
I know because the baby will be a guest she wouldn’t be able to do the standard day of Maid/Matron of Honor duties (holding my things, for example) but those were already assigned to the first (well, second!) Maid/Matron of Honor. We are not sure if she’ll be standing with the bridal party during the ceremony at all, because of the wee one. But I’d still like to ask her to be a maid of honor.
Do you think that would be alright? I don’t want to make my other Maid/Matron of Honor feel bad, she’s still doing great from over the sea, and I don’t want BMW to feel obligated to do anything or pressured on the day of to change her routine from what her plans were! What are the pros and cons here? As you can see it’s a rather unique situation, and she’s certainly helped me feel the most like a bride!!! (Other than my wonderful Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance of course!)
Sorry this is so long bees! What do you think?? And how should I ask?? Should I ask the other Maid/Matron of Honor first to make sure her feelings aren’t hurt?