Post # 1
I wanted to go anon for this one, as my friend and Maid/Matron of Honor is on these boards as well. Hopefully this wont g et marked as spam!!
My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married a couple months after I am. As such, I have been very careful to touch base with her throughout my planning to be kind and considerate. I don’t want to overstep and do something at my wedding that may be very important to her. For example, if she felt very strongly about using a certain song for her recessional, I want to make sure I did not use that song as well.
For most things, she honestly hasn’t given AF. When I was ordering my invitations, I checked if it was OK if I printed them on a specific type of paper, as she had wanted to use that paper for her invites. She told me my checking with her for this stuff was silly and I did not need to.
Fast forward to us chatting about cakes. My wedding is in August, so I wanted to have a light and fluffy flavour that complimented the summer and heat we will have at the time of the wedding. I absolutely LOVE lemon cake, so I told her that’s what I was leaning towards. Like, when I say love, I mean I make one every other week in the summer months. I am obsessed. However, she immediately jumped in and stated she was doing a lemon raspberry cake for her wedding. She didn’t specifically say I could not use the same flavor, but she did try <u>very hard</u> to steer me to choosing another flavor. Base doff of the way we have spoken about everything else, it seems like she has some strong feelings about the cake.
I really want to have a lemon cake, probably with some fruit in between the layers, but I don’t want to step on my friends toes if she feels really strongly about it. Also; (and this is totally selfish and petty of me) but I really want to say, my wedding is first, so I should get to pick first.
What are your thoughts Bee’s? Should I talk to her? Should I just not bring it up and order whatever cake I want? And IF we do talk and she tells me she doesn’t want me using the same flavour, what do I do?!
Post # 2
Bee, you’re way overthinking this. Each of you should have the wedding you want. Even if you have some overlapping guests, after two months, I doubt they’re going to remember details like the flavor of your cake.
As long as neither of you is blatantly and intentionally carbon-copying the details of each other’s weddings, there is no reason to check in and micromanage things like this.
Post # 3
Have your lemon cake and eat hers too.
If she ends a friendship over a lemon cake, she’s a lemon of a friend.
Post # 4
timetogoanon1234 : Order the cake you want, and stop running all of your choices by your friend.
Post # 5
timetogoanon1234 : I think this is dumb. If she gets pissed that you have the same cake flavor then she has some other issues. Lemon is a popular flavor. She needs to deal.
Post # 6
Literally not a big deal at all! There are a few pretty standard wedding cake flavours, most people have the same.
Post # 7
Lemon cake is pretty common. If you love lemon cake so much that you make it every other week she shouldn’t be surprised that you’d want lemon cake at your wedding. Few people will notice that you have a similar cake flavor, especially if the cakes look different. Stop asking her permission to move forward with decisions you and your Fiance have made about your wedding.
Post # 8
I mean, I probably wouldn’t do *lemon raspberry*, but I’d still keep lemon. I think it would be silly to change your cake flavour because she’s doing something similar a few months later.
Post # 9
Just have the lemon cake.
My my best friend and I have the same couch and same purse… but we just tend to like some of the same things. Not a bad thing to share interests and opinions with your bestie?
Post # 10
yellowgold : love this response, thanks! 🙂
futuremrs2020 : I am not running all my choices by her, just ones she might have strong feelings about.
beethree : Not asking her permission, just trying to be a considerate friend.
Post # 11
Get the lemon cake. It’s nice of you to check, but is she checking with you too? If she isn’t checking with you then I would stop if I were you. You sound like a sweet and considerate person, but remember this is your and you Fiance day! Literally no one else will care if y’all have a similar cake.
Maybe don’t do lemon raspberry though 🤣
Post # 12
is she going to steer you away from wearing a white dress too?
Post # 13
jellybellynelly : I dont think I want lemon raspberry, but I really want lemon strawberry. Lemon cake with strawberries in between the layers!
bibliophilacticbee : I agree! We deinfitely like a lot of the same things, which is another reason I keep checking. For example, we both intend to rent the same type, style and colour of chair. However, I didn’t check with her because well, its a chair.
pearfectprincess : I think I want to do more lemon strawberry, is that too close to lemon raspberry? And she has not checked with me about anything. Honestly, I feel a little sad as it seems she is barely involving me in her planning, whereas I tell her all about my big planning decisions!
ajillity81 : This is the most helpful, kind and well thought out response ever!!!! thank you!!!!!
Post # 14
This is absolutely ridiculous! If you want lemon cake and a specific paper for you invites, have it!! It is so silly and high maintenance that she would care…
Post # 15
timetogoanon1234 : ok absolutely stop checking with her. If she doesn’t feel like it’s important to check with you before making any decisions, then you shouldn’t feel obligated either.
Do the lemon strawberry cake! That sounds amazing!