(Closed) can i vent.. again.. about MIL?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

He IS trying to set boundries and Future Mother-In-Law is having a hissy fit because its unheard of and trying to guilt him into doing what she wants.

I would encourage your Fiance to continue to say no to her.  Set boundries and do not back down – his mom will either follow through with the money threat or she will learn to step back and start bothering the other 2 siblings more (until they learn to also stand up to her).

If she does stop giving you money then thats ok, its the joy of being a grownup and not having to depend on mommy for money

Post # 4
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

@sugarcube:  OMG, I am so sorry for you! My SO is an only child of a single mother, and sometimes it really worries me that he’s set NO boundaries with her. Yikes! I feel your pain, and good luck with gently supporting him while he works on learning how to stand up to her! 

Post # 5
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re in a tough situation.  She probably feels entitled to his help because she’s helped him out financially.  I received a lot of financial help from my parents and because of that, I always do what little favors they ask of me, and usually it’s not a lot.  If the work has gotten to the point that it isn’t worth the money that has been or might be received, perhaps the boundaries should be set.  Otherwise, it might be the price to pay if you’re receiving money.  Sucks!  Sorry!  🙁

Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Mother-In-Law arent they just great… If he is the eldest son in a chinesse family could this be influencing why she only has him help? I know its in every culture with odd parents but certain cultures are even harder than others to handle things like this. I changed Fiance a lot, his mom insisted on talking to him for up to 2 hours a day and now he will only call her once a week and try to keep it to 1 hour. I say stand his ground but be respectful to his family and things should all work out in the long run.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Curious— is he the older of the two twins? Maybe this is a cultural “firstborn son” thing, in which case you may need to reach out to someone in that cultural community to find the right way to handle things, so that Mother-In-Law has more respect or the boundaries but doesn’t see it as Fi rejecting his heritage.

Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s easier to blame the person their family member is with than to realize they need to grow up and have their own responsibilities and lives. He is setting boundaries now and she’ll be kicking and screaming until she gets use to it. Tell him to keep at it. However you have to realize that may mean no more financial assistance and can’t get mad about it.

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