(Closed) Can I wear cream to your wedding??? Um NO!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 48
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

@photogestelle:  Disagreeing with someone is not “slamming” them.  I think most posters have been pretty polite in disagreeing with the OP.

I also agree with the point of view that a polite hostess does not dictate what her guests wear. 

There is also no rule, that says guests cannot wear white.  Only that they dress in a fashion that is suitable to the formality level of the event, and that the don’t intentionally try to outshine the bride.  (Though I don’t think that is even possible, even if you came in a gold lamme dress, with flashing lights, people would still know who the bride was).


Post # 49
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I kind of do think this woman was slammed a bit.  She’s been called a clod, nuts, insensitive, accused of trying to upstage the bride, and let everyone know she is a bride too, and it was suggested that she be dis-invited. (whether joking or not) 

  If she had been an “insensitive clod” she would have worn a long white gown to the wedding and not asked at all.  She was being gracious, (because like I said, this rule is very old, and many old rules no longer apply)  And the OP’s original response to her was a perfect response.  “don’t take this the wrong way, but I prefer you not.”  Done.

But here she’s been painted in a really crappy light, which I think is completely unfair.  Imagine if she saw this thread. If it were me I wouldn’t want to attend the wedding at all. And the OP would probably feel bad if she did see it. 

I’m in the south and still believe this is an antiquated rule.  But AGAIN, I’m not one who says the day is ALL about me…it’s about the couple.  And their family, and love, and having a good time.  Not stressing over one cream colored dress in the crowd.

Post # 50
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andielovesj: There actually IS a rule that guests are not meant to wear white to a wedding. It’s a very standard tradition in certain cultures and is considered in poor taste.

I think that everyone has a specific idea about what traditions they wish to implement on their wedding day, and that this should be respected by their guests. Telling someone that something they hold important is a ridiculous self centered tradition isn’t very kind. I would hope none of us would go to a wedding of a culture with which we are not familiar and roll our eyes at the traditions that they hold to be important.

Post # 51
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I went to a wedding this past weekend and counted FIVE women wearing white. All different ages and one particular dress could have passed as a short bridal gown. I was shocked.

Post # 52
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@andielovesj:  I think PP meant that the woman who asked the OP about wearing cream (not the OP herself) is getting slammed, which she is.

Post # 53
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Jullsz:  Showing up in a cream dress with no regard for the bride’s feelings would be insensitive. ASKING the bride was a very polite and considerate thing to do.

P.S. My 50-something year old Future Mother-In-Law just went to a wedding in a white top. She’s a very sweet woman, the couple getting married were her son’s 20-something year old best friends, and it was obvious that she was not purposely trying to outshine the bride. While the rules and traditions surrounding weddings may be obvious to all of us on WB, most of whom are wedding planning, they may not be common knowledge to the rest of the world.

Post # 55
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Crazyhair:  Thanks!! It was between that and Princess Consuela Banana Hammock… 😛

Post # 57
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It wouldn’t bother me a bit, as long as it wasn’t too “bridal” in design.

Post # 58
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Regina Phalange:  Ummm awesome! I’m now considering a name change. 😉


To be fair it was very considerate that the woman asked the OP I think we can all agree on that. And it is clear the OP has an issue with this woman wearing white…so as I said before it is case closed.

An example for you all to consider….

My mother wore a tight, rouched, low cut white (very white…not a hint of cream) to my aunt’s wedding about 14 years ago. I have seen photos and while no one would consider her the bride she DOES stand out in a photo, that is undeniable as I said before. Regardless of how you feel about upstaging or if it is rude or not consider this…just because you don’t think its rude doesn’t mean that more traditional people will be okay with it. My mother’s choice of dress is still mentioned to this day by various family members especially when I was planning my wedding. Obviously while my aunt got over it there were other traditionalists out there that just didn’t think it was appropriate.

As another poster said if your choice is clothing causes any amount of question in your mind on whether it is or isn’t appropriate than best to play it safe.

Post # 59
6584 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

People can be so dense.

Post # 60
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My take on it is that I couldn’t care less either way.  As long as they are dressed for the formality of the event, I’m happy.  Now, that being said, why would you want to wear white on THAT day if you are not the bride?  I get that white is nice to wear certain seasons and all that, but out of all the wonderful colors to choose from WHY that one on that day? 

Post # 61
1094 posts
Bumble bee

I tend to think of “rules” as traditional when they’ve been around for a couple of centuries or more, not for a handful of decades. Well into the nineteen sixties the white cotton frock was to summer daytime events what the “little black dress” has become for evening events, and it was the standard “Sunday Best” colour for girls. Wedding guests were abjured by etiquette mavens to wear pale colours, pastels at the darkest, and by all means to avoid funereal black or harlot red. THAT is what the traditional rule says.

Unsurprisingly, the traditional rule says very little about the impact cream, pastel, and white-clad guests might have on the wedding photographs, because those interminable pouffy lace-and-silk clad albums that sit on every trendy newlywed’s coffee-table are themselves an innovation of the eighties. More traditionally, a bride had her portrait done at the salon, and perhaps one quick portrait of the happy couple immediately after the ceremony, and an arranged photo of the extended family might be done at the reception itself, with the photographer charged with arranging all the white, cream and pastel-clad ladies in a way that still focussed on the bride and groom at the centre of the photo. Because, traditionally, brides and wedding hostesses were not willing to leave their guests kicking around ungreeted while the happy couple recorded themselves for posterity in a highly-orchestrated prolonged photo-shoot. 

So while there is indeed a “rule” that says no-one may wear white, it is a recent rule made up by brides who value their photo-albums more than tradition and who are concerned about making themselves the centre of attention more than about respecting their guests. I agree that the made-by-brides bride-serving rule should die, but that is because I DO care about the essence of proper etiquette!

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