(Closed) Can someone explain co-sleeping choice?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 32
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

One of my mother’s friends accidentally killed her infant cosleeping. This was years ago… I was a toddler and my sister was an infant, so my mom and her were close. She did everything “right” for cosleeping- no fluffy mattress, no sheets on the baby, might have even had a barrier, the way my mom tells it. She moved ever so slightly in her sleep and her arm ended up on the back (neck specifically I think) of the baby. The baby smothered in the middle of the night and her mother slept through it. After that I never saw her again- it was too hard for her to be around my mom since my little sister was the same age. 

Post # 33
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am doing my pediatrics rotation right now and I can tell you that NO pediatrician that I am working with would recommend co sleeping. Its extremely controversial. 

Infants do not pattern their sleep habits until about 4 months of ago… plain and simple. They won’t be sleeping well the first months of life anyways. Co sleeping MAY promote bonding and make nursing easier, but it interferes with later transition to their bedroom. If you have a child sleeping in you bed until 6-9 months… they will continue until about 18 months because of seperation anxiety. To the parents that say their child is 4-6 years old and confident and secure because you’re still co-sleeping… well then why can’t they sleep alone? You haven’t taught them to self-soothe. 

To the person that said SIDs deaths are lower in other countries because they co sleep.. that is completely FALSE. Co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDs. SIDs is multifactorial and there are many risk factors including” male gender, co-sleeping, multiple gestation, low socioeconomic status etc etc. SIDs is lower in other countries because it is not reported like it is here. 

I will never tell my patients to co-sleep with their child. The child should be placed flat on their back in their own bed. 

Post # 35
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We bed share with our 7 month old.  For the first few months of his life he slept in a Cp-Sleeper next to our bed.  We have a very soft memory foam mattress, so we weren’t comfortable having him sleep in our bed when he was so small.  Around 4-5 months I would put him down in his co-sleeper but when we woke up to nurse he would stay in our bed for the rest of the night.  At about 5-6 months he grew out of the co-sleeper and we decided at that point it was safe for us to bed share.  MY LO has always been a pretty good sleeper, but he still usually wakes up in the wee hours to nurse…I can’t imagine having to get up and walk to another room to nurse him…also, if he were in another room I wouldn’t be able to respond to his needs as quickly.  I think each family needs to think carefully about what is best for them…for us, co-sleeping and bed-sharing has worked out perfectly. 

@cstarkwe There are lots of pediatricians who do recommend co-sleeping and bed-sharing.  Dr. Sears is one of them!  and my son’s doc is not against it either.

This is a great news story that shines a bit of light on the topic.

This website also has some great info regarding bed-sharing.

Post # 36
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

A baby should never sleep in the same bed with you.  Babies die all the time in Milwaukee (I am in WI) and it is a big topic right now.  It is not worth the risks!  I cannot believe people do this!

You can get a “co-sleeper” that is basically a little (but separate) bed for the baby that is like an extension off your own bed- but the baby is safe because it has a separate surface. 

Post # 37
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@cbee:  You have to be careful with those too though. There was just a massive recall due to suffocation risk.

Post # 38
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

How long did you co-sleep for? Are there certain benefits to the baby if you co-sleep that they otherwise wouldn’t get?

We still are, but will transition her at 9 months. I’m a teacher and I’ll be able to be up all night if it’s difficult (I doubt it will be because she sleeps through the night except for one feeding).

@Mrs Sarah McK:  Queen

Post # 39
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@cstarkwe:  Although I respect your professional opinion, my 3 yr old daughter is absolutely independent and self assured. WE choose to have her sleep in our bed still, it’s not because she’s scared or doesn’t want to sleep alone. She loves her “big girl bed” and has never had an issue sleeping alone. Darling Husband works a lot and prefers to have his little girl close to cuddle with. 

Post # 40
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

@cstarkwe:  Thank you for sharing your perspective, it’s always nice to hear from someone in a related field on the subject. I’m curious, do pediatricians not reccomend sleeping in the same room as well? If part of the reason is that children do not learn how to self-soothe I could see how it would be a problem. I know I don’t agree with extended breast feeding for a similar reason.

Post # 41
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

We chose to sleep with LO next to our bed for the first 6 months.  As far as safety research goes that seems to be the best place for a baby, in the same room but not in the same bed.  In the mornings I’d often take baby in bed with me to nurse and just keep resting for a bit.  Around 6 months LO got super active and honestly with her getting heavier and waking easier its just easier to bring her into bed to nurse so she doesn’t completely wake up. For the last several months she sleeps in her crib and then comes into bed once it’s time to nurse.  She started waking up more at night to nurse right before she learned to crawl and right before she learned to walk.  She’s 10 months now and we’ll probably try to move her into her own room around a year but I’ve loved her cuddles for the past several months.

Post # 42
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t exactly choose to co-sleep/bedshare, it just sort of happened. Her crib was in our room and after her midnight feeding it was just easier to fall asleep with her in my arms.

I also want to add that the first night she was home with us, we had one of those bassinet beds where the edge of the bassinet lines up right against the adult mattress. We thought this would be a good way to keep her near us without having her actually in our bed. Well, we woke up the next morning and somehow a good portion of the topsheet had made its way INTO her bassinet and was pretty much just piled on top of her. I will never forget the sound in her dad’s voice as he whispered “Oh, no!” while frantically pulling the sheet pile off our baby girl. That alone has assured that I will never, ever use one of those things again. In my opinion, it’s way too easy for a blanket or pillow to fall in and smother a child.

So she had her crib, and after her feeding she stayed in the bed with me. It was just easier that way, and I felt more secure having her right there next to me. I am usually a heavy sleeper but having her in the bed made me hyper-aware of her every little move, even when I was asleep. We coslept until she was 2.5 years old, and we only stopped because Fiance wasn’t comfortable sharing the bed with a child that wasn’t his. But even now, at 3.5 years old, when she wakes up in her big girl bed, she will come into our room and slip into our bed and snuggle with me for like half an hour. Sometimes we go back to sleep, sometimes she tells me about a dream she had, sometimes we talk quietly about what we’re going to do that day. It might just be my favorite time of day, haha.

Post # 43
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@hisgoosiegirl:  THat’s what I’m gonna do! There’s something actually called a “co-sleeper” which sits up against the bed. To me that sounds like the perfect mix of sleeping right next to baby, but also conserving parent space.

Post # 44
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@TheBakerChick:  lol, I can’t take credit – I first learned about it from another Bee’s comments….possibly Mrs.Spring? 

Post # 45
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

A child needs to learn to self soothe whether it be while trying to sleep or other wise. No co sleeping is not the “”by the book” thing to do I guess.

My nephew is 5 months older than my daughter. My nephew went from the bassinett in my sister’s room, to his crib at 2 months, to his toddler bed and never had an issue.

My daughter on the other hand… She was a preemie and had breathing issues from the time she was born. So we bought this like $90 monitor that was supposed to alarm if she stopped breathing-it just did not seem work all that well. I had EVERY intention of making her sleep by herself! When I was a baby I guess I would scream until I made myself sick-my daughter did the same.

So after a week of it I was so exhausted and depressed, I would feed, burp, change her-all that stuff, and she would lay in the crook of my arm with my arm wrapped around her. This was this way until she was 8 months old. We moved and she had her own room, so I put her crib in there. She slept in there until she was about 13 months & then she started to climb out. This scared me sooo bad!! After the 2nd time of this happening I got rid of her crib. So I bought a toddler bed for her to sleep in and she refuses to sleep in it, even though it is the same mattress.

Fiance and I only get to sleep in the same bad maybe once a week (he works midnights and doesn’t go to sleep until late morning-mid afternoon). So now we either rock her or she falls asleep and we move her to her bed. Within 2 hours at most, she is in our bed. Definitely not the way I planned, but you have to make it work for you. It’s just you and maybe you SO. You have to sleep somehow.

I slept with my parents until I was 3 and then on their floor next to my mom until I was about 9. then I had to share a room with my sister, so I never really slept in a room by myself until I was about 14? So this is not the way I wanted it to be for my daughter.

Few things: (and I’m not trying to call anyone out or hurt anyones feelings)

Somone that doesn’t have kids, as much as they think they can/want to understand-just can’t. I’m not trying to sound mean, but it is just not possible. If you haven’t raised a child, you don’t understand, fully, what it is like to do so.

Like another Bee said-this is extremely common! It’s not something that is unheard of. I know very few people who have done it “by the book”-my sister was the first person we know actually.

Definitely try the co sleeper if it comes down to having the baby in bed with you, I wish they were so popular when I had my daughter- definitely would have had one.

A doctor is always going to tell you what they have learned-what they practice in their own home, may be a very different story-trust me, I’ve witnessed it.

Like I said, its your home, your life, your child-no one else’s. You can listen to advice, stories, risks, tips, you have to make it work. Good luck!!  

Post # 46
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I had to stop by and answer your question because my SO did co-sleep!  So, I had to share my thoughts about a grown adult who had this experience.

I had thought (before meeting my SO) that only crazy-new-aged-twig-eating moms co-slept.  And my very best friend who is a card carrying, crazy-new-aged-twig-eating mom co-sleeps with her daughter, and so my misconceptions were confirmed.

Then I met my guy.  The sweetest most sensitive guy in the world.  He treats me like his princess everyday and in every way.  He treats all women like this in fact.  He respects his parents, and treats his brother well.  He is confident.  He is also a freaking smarty pants, he is literally a rocket scientist.  He has a great job, a house and an almost paid off mortgage.  He is all of 27 years.  He is just so well adjusted, and NOT a mama’s boy by any means.

Imagine my surprise when a bunch of months into our dating, he tells me that he slept with his mom and brother growing up.  And not just as a baby, until he stated going through puberty.  Now, back then there was no such thing as co-sleeping (in terms of the trend it has become now), moms just did what was right to them.  And this is what his mom thought was right.  She got her boys to sleep through the night, and it just worked for them.  And his mother is by no means anything but a very nice, “normal” mom…..not a twig in sight! 

 He was ready to sleep by himself when he asked to.  I think we can all figure out why a boy of a certian age would want privacy at night.  😉 

So, now my world of sleeping has turned upside down!  What to think?  Well, when I look back at my childhood sleeping by myself.  All I can remember is the anxiety and the fear.  I hated it, but I was shuffled back to my room if ever I tried to creep into bed next to my mom.  I have anxiety issues that i deal with to this day.

It has made me re-examine everything I had previously thought. I am now going to co-sleep, and I hope my children will turn out just as great as my SO.  (of course we are not even engaged yet, so that will be a while).

 

 

 

(and to all the new aged moms… I was being light hearted… no disrespect meant!  Call me a crazy-video game-harry potter reading-nerd if you need toLaughing)

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