(Closed) Can someone please explain save the dates to me?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

For a lot of people, especially those who have to travel, a save the date is helpful for them to know to reserve the date for their own planning purposes (save up, days off work, conflicting weddings or other major events, etc.  Especially other weddings!

I only sent save the dates to people who were on the guestlist to the wedding.  I would wait until you have the venue/date, guestlist and budget finalized before working through the save the dates… they don’t have to be fancy.  We used postcards from vistaprint

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Kannon.
Post # 3
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s for when your wedding is a long ways out yet (like usually a year or more) and you want to be sure your family and friends know when the wedding will be.

We were not going to do save the dates because I thought they were a waste of money…plus we emailed my family and his family and let our friends know once we had a date.  Our engagement was 8 months so save the dates felt really dumb.  But…my dad of all people DEMANDED that we have save the dates because he thought that’s how things were “done”.  It was not the hill I would die on so we sent out save the dates 4 months prior to the wedding (so dumb) and our invites 2 months out.

Post # 4
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sugarcloud:  

I get that it’s to let people know when the wedding will be but I dont understand the point of them and why an invitation isnt just sent out?

STD’s tend to be used when there are a significant number of people travelling from out of town, high demand dates, or for a Destination Wedding where many people need to save money and request vacation. STD’s are often overused.

Is it for when it’s more of a tentative date which may be changed or is it a finalised date?

The date is final.

Do you always invite the people who received them?

Yes, everyone who receives an STD should receive an invitation (barring some atrocious behavior in the interim.

Also do people need to respond to them?

No response is necessary.

https://www.theknot.com/content/save-the-dates-etiquette

 

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We are having a destination wedding (in 2 weeks). We did not use save the dates, just sent out invitations last July (so 10 months in advance). I know it’s early, but we wanted people to be able to book right away to save on cost. We also had a group booking if they wanted to participate, and a deposit was due in September. 

Post # 6
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

My daughters sent theirs out, 10 months before their weddings. With some people, I swear they used the date to find something else to do, so it would give them an excuse not to attend.

Post # 7
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

PPs have it covered pretty much- they can be useful for, say, a June weekend which are very popular and can fill up schedules fast. Just a heads up to your guests so they can know to keep that day clear (if they wish to attend) since invites don’t go out until a couple months prior.

We just sent our Save-The-Date Cards out 8 months in advance because our wedding is NYE this year. We probably wouldn’t have sent them if it were a different date, but since its a holiday, we wanted to give our guests notice in advance, especially since we have some family traveling- airfare is much cheaper around the holidays when booked in advance.

Post # 8
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

i question the effectiveness of them where I am – Australia. In fact I don’t think it helped our guests one iota. Travelling guests still seemed to leave their arrangements to the last minute. All it did for us is lock us into a guest list very early which we otherwise would have scaled back if we had only sent invites. i would only ever use them for an offshore wedding 

Post # 9
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

We did them because we were having a semi-destination wedding (we were travelling, and my entire side of the family were travelling out of state) and we were providing lodging.  So we wanted to give people plenty of time to save up for travel and to make arrangements if they were going to be able to come. 

It was purely to help people have more time to plan.  We didn’t send out invites earlier because we didn’t have specifics of the day, as those weren’t finalized with the venue until the date was closer. 

Post # 10
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

I hear you, about procrastination in making travel plans.

My daughters put their wedding website addresses, on their save the date magnets. (Neither of them had passwords, so they could be found by searching for the bride or groom’s name). Their websites weren’t 100% complete, at the time, but they did have travel/hotel information, because I had already booked the hotel room block contracts.

For the out of town wedding, I set up 4 different blocks. 3 of those hotels had rooms booked, with only about 30 of 70 blocked rooms. My daughter asked for RSVPS, through regular e-mail, so that she could respond with the room block information, from the website. With each e-mail  she replied with the subject line “Hotel Information, for X and Y’s wedding.” The blocks expired weeks before the wedding. Some guests tried to book after the blocks expired. Some booked at another hotel 20 miles away, to save money, and asked if we were paying for shuttles. (Not kidding). That’s why we blocked one hotel, which was 4 blocks from the venue. 

At least I didn’t consider handing out visitor bags, at the hotels. I think the guests booked rooms at 6 hotels, other than the ones in the block. Some even complained that they didn’t get as good a rate, as the hotels listed on the website. 3 of the groom’s relatives cancelled, less than a week before the wedding, since they never booked hotel rooms. I’m not even going to mention how much $$ they wasted. It’s a wonder I have a hair left, on my head!

Post # 11
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

The idea is to give people time to plan. Honestly, we just wanted to get our wedding date out there so that people would prioritize it. We just had some friends who sent their Save-The-Date Cards very late, like 3 months out, and we can’t go because we already have too many other weddings we’ve booked travel for, and it’s not in our budget. If they’d sent Save-The-Date Cards earlier, we might be going to that wedding.

Post # 12
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

2XMOB:  yup happened to us to re: people ignoring shuttle and hotel info, booking other accom (which wouldn’t have even been cheaper than our lowest cost option), and expecting to be picked up and dropped off (We did. We couldnt have parking onsite and knew people would drive anyway if we didn’t shuttle them and park God knows where. Plus we wanted them to have a good time). We had a website on the STD too. To be honest I was quite shocked! The worst is the most non compliant guests were the ones we arent close to or I didn’t know at all, and the ones who no-showed or came without cards. I think sometimes the more you do for people the more they expect….

Post # 13
Member
3448 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

The point I think is to give guests a heads up about the wedding date so they can make plans. We’re not doing them as it just seemed excessive to us, and people manage to make it to weddings without Save-The-Date Cards all the time.

Post # 14
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

Beegritte:  The groom admitted that he had only attended a couple of weddings, in his life, and he was in his early 30s. Everone he knew just lived together, or got married at the courthouse, like his sister did twice. 

Basically, we counted everyone from our side as attending, unless we heard otherwise from them (10% declined) . For his side, we counted them all as a decline, unless we heard there was definite acceptance. He invited 5 aunt/uncle couples and only one attended.

And the groom’s side just lives across the state – not in another country, where you expect things to be different. They even booked a venues 1.5 hours from our side, and 1.5 hours closer to his. My husband and I paid for everything and had to stay in a hotel for two nights; we should have just had it in our hometown. It was because of that wedding, that I started to use the phrase “cluster bleep.”

 

Post # 15
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Beegritte:  I’m also from Australia. I didn’t really want to do Save-The-Date Cards but was convinced by my grandmother, step mother and Future Mother-In-Law. We’re getting married the first weekend of December and they all pointed out that many people have holiday parties, holidays and other events in the weeks leading up to Christmas so Save-The-Date Cards could be a way of ensuring that no one books anything else in on our wedding day. I relented just to keep them all happy. We sent out Save-The-Date Cards in March and I’ve already had a handful of people who’ve said that they would have booked a holiday or whatever over our wedding weekend had they not seen the STD on the fridge and remembered it. Had I been getting married at any other time of year, however, I think I’d have stuck to my guns a little more on not doing Save-The-Date Cards.

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