- 3 years ago
DH and I have discussed starting TTC within the next few months. Part of me is excited, and part of me is absolutely terrified.
I think a lot of it stems from my IL’s relationship with our niece.
My SIL has a 4 year old daughter and is about to give birth to a son. For the past 4 years, she has gone on and on about how PERFECT her daughter is. Smart, beautiful, well-behaved, etc. Granted she is my IL’s first grandchild, they act like she could do no wrong. They tell her she’s perfect and DH and I even joke that if our niece is around, nobody else matters to them. On our wedding day, our niece was our flower girl and both my SIL and Mother-In-Law told her that she “is the most beautiful girl at the wedding.” (No, I am not jealous of a 4 year old… just trying to get the point across here.) Once, I commented on a picture of DH’s 3 year old cousin on Facebook saying, “he’s the cutest!” and Mother-In-Law replied to my comment saying, “other than *niece’s name* of course!” Anyway, I’m sure you all get the picture.
Now, onto my probably crazy, insane worry…
What if DH’s child and mine never lives up to our niece? Obviously our child(ren) will not be the first grandchild(ren) in the family, which doesn’t matter… but…
What if our child has a physical or mental disability? I am constantly hearing my SIL talking about, “oh, that poor mother… I’m just happy that MY BABY is PERFECT.”
What if our child is gay? Unfortunately, my IL’s are very religious and very against people who are within the LGBTQA community.
Heck, what if our child is just not as beautiful, well-behaved, smart, etc?
Also, what if I find out we can’t have a baby? DH and I have already discussed adoption as it’s something we both feel passionate about to which my SIL responded, “why would you want to take on somebody else’s problem? All those kids have problems” and “it’s so much more fulfilling to have your OWN baby and be a REAL mother.”
(And for the record, DH and I would be beyond elated for any child we have/adopt. We thankfully do not share the same feelings about disabilities, sexual orientation, etc. that his parents and sister do.)
I’m sure this is probably just insane pre-TTC anxiety but I’ve literally cried to DH about it before when the topic of starting a family comes up. He tells me I’m being silly and of course his family will love our child(ren) just as much but I just can’t shake this worry. And I don’t want to be worrying my whole pregnancy!
Did anyone else feel like this? How did you get over it?