Post # 1
Last year around this time I committed to being a bridesmaid in a good friend’s wedding, which is scheduled for a Saturday in June. I eagerly bought the dress, hosted a shower for her and attended another, never anticipating that I might have to consider relinquishing my position.
In the meantime, however, I got accepted into a program after college graduation that requires me to take a test in another state on the exact date of her wedding. If I do not take this test on that date, I will no longer be eligible to be in the program, thus not having a job.
For some background, I was required to take TWO tests, that just so happened to overlap and both be offered in the morning in the same time slot. In January, I took and passed the first test with flying colors, leaving one more to go. During the March date, I was overseas with an unavoidable University-commitment, May was my graduation date and June is her wedding. I have been trying to explain all of these unavoidable conflicts to the program’s coordinator since November, and have not gotten very positive responses. Essentially it now boils down to missing the wedding or forfeiting the job. What do I do, and if I do step down, how in the world do I tell the bride, my good friend?
Post # 3
If she is any sort of friend, she will absolutely understand the position that you’re in!
Post # 4
Step down. It sucks but a job is more important than a wedding.
Post # 5
Agreed, hopefully even in the haze of an upcoming wedding the bride will see that the wedding is just one day and this is a long-term job. Sounds like you’ve been a great Bridesmaid or Best Man and she’ll see how important she is to you but that you just are stuck. Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
The bride should understand – if she’s your friend, she should be supportive!
I’d kick you out of my wedding party myself and make sure I told you that you’d be crazy if you passed this opportunity up! 🙂
Go for the job: her wedding is just one day, this job could open so many doors for you in your whole life.
ETA: Hmmm.. “kicked out” sounds harsh, but I hope you know what I mean. “Kicked out in a nice way?” Hahaha. “Kicked out with all my love.”
I don’t know, sometimes I’m too blunt!
Post # 7
I was in a situation similar to this. I went to the wedding, I lost the job. In hindsight, I should have stepped down from the wedding. Your friend will understand!
Post # 8
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: Agree with what everyone else has said. She should understand.
You also hosted her a shower. You sound awesome already
Post # 10
FWIW, I had a bridesmaid step down because of money. She sent me an email (we typically communicate via text because I work 1st shift in one time zone and she works 3rd in another, so we’re either asleep or working when the other is working/asleep) and explained her situation–she’d had her time off request denied (8 months in advance!) and then her fiance lost HIS job and they were moving back to where she’s from, which was going to cost an arm and a leg, not to mention that they were already living paycheck to paycheck and has just purchased a new car. I was upset because I really wanted her there, but honestly, her situation was way more important.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: Let her know your situation and apologize for the inconvenience but keep your job!!! She might be upset but if she’s a good friend she will understand the position you are in. Send her a nice card with a wedding gift so she knows you are happy for her and support her marriage.
Post # 12
If you were my friend, I’d be sorry but totally understand, wish you well, and share pics after the wedding.
Post # 13
this is no contest. You step down from the wedding. The wedding is a one day party, the job is a JOB!!! Any friend who we be angry when there is a job on the line has very poor priorities.
You tell her the program coordinator will not give any leeway and this is for your job. It should take nothing more than that. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you tell your friend, “hey, no problem, a job is more important. We’ll get together after the wedding”?
Post # 14
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: Unless your friend plans on paying your bills, your program comes first. Be honest with her. She will be able to see how torn you are, and while she will certainly be disappointed, she will understand. I would attend her showers and bachelorette party to show that you care. On the day of the wedding, Skype her to wish her congratulations and send a nice wedding gift (or have someone coordinate for her to physically open a gift from you while she gets ready). Heck, you could even send a life-size cardboard cutout of yourself in your bridesmaid dress! And if you can somehow manage to have your bags packed & hop on a plane the moment you are finished taking your exam, surprise her at the reception!
Post # 15
Of course you should stand down… I am sure your friend would feel aweful if she knew you would lose your job if you stay in the wedding.
You’ve done so much already. IMO, you have proven yourself ;). hehe
Post # 16
Thank you all for the advice! I really appreciate your feedback. As it turns out, I can finish my test in time to make it to the church about 30 min. before the wedding. I plan to explain the situation to the bride, and as it is HER big day, ask her if she’d prefer me try to make it or step down. I am fine with either, but if I DO come, I won’t have time to curl my hair, as she was wanting the bridesmaids do or to get ready for them before, but I’d be there in time for the ceremony. If she’d rather not risk it or be stressed on her big day, I can for SURE see her at the reception.