(Closed) Can the Bride Shun a Bridesmaid's Live-In Boyfriend?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, she shouldn’t be excluding your live-in boyfriend.

The only way I’d really consider an exception to that is if the relationship was abusive previously. I’m not sure I could invite someone in those circumstances. But, I probably wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid either.

Sorry you’re dealing with this.

Post # 4
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would tell her that you’re not prepared to be a bridesmaid if she cannot respect your relationship. She is being nasty by asking you to do so much for her, but refusing to include your boyfriend. Stand up for yourself, chicky.

Post # 6
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yeah i don’t see a good ending to this situation. personally, if i were you i would bow out of the bridal party and wedding. what she is doing is completely unfair. she’s taking the whole “it’s my day, my rules” thing too far.

the only way i would understand would be if your bf and the bride had some sort of major falling out or major situation arise between the two of them. aside from that it’s just not ok for her to do.

if you do go you’ll be seething and resentful and that’s not good for you or the bride.

Post # 7
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

From an etiquette perspecitve, your friend cannot properly exclude the significant other of one of her invited guests IF that guest is A) married, B) engaged, or C) living with his or her SO.  She is incorrect to exclude him unless there are other, extenuating circumstances of which you have not made us aware.

Post # 9
Member
45656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did she give you a “plus one” on your invitation? If so, she has no say in who that is.

If she did not give a plus one, she obviously is ok with you bringing a date as she inquired about it. If she is ok with a “date” she still doesn’t get to say who that is.

I would have a face to face or phone conversation with her- no text or email- and explain to her that ____ is very important in your life and that you are not comfortable with her excluding him, and that he will be attending the wedding with you.

I would not state that I wouldn’t attend unless he could come. An ultimatum like that is sure to have a serious impact on your friendship.  Let her be the one to ask you to step down if his attendance is such a big deal to her.

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Where do people get off thinking that just because they are getting married it allows them to try to control everyone around them?  God this stuff burns my ass.

I’ve never been in a wedding party, but I do know this–my MOH may feel incredibly honoured that I asked her, but I feel equally grateful that she accepted.  I need her more than she needs to fork out money for a dress, listen to me brainstorm about my wedding, the potential future meltdowns, and to dedicate an entire weekend to my wedding.  She is doing me a FAVOUR and I will make damn sure that every step along the way she is taken care of and knows I appreciate her.  That is how it is supposed to be.

Your bride has no business making judgments about your relationship. She can dislike him all she likes, but it is nothing but utter disrespect to both of you to suggest not only that you can’t bring him, but that you bring another date! Put it another way, even if you didn’t like her husband, chances are you would still be there to support your friend on her wedding day.

I would be so out of that wedding party. Of course, there will be long term repercussions for doing that at this stage of the game, but ask yourself if you really need friends who have so little respect for you anyway.

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@K8SABGR:  To me, those are not viable reasons for her to not invite him.  Not that there is a printed list anywhere in any etiquette books I’ve ever read, but the kinds of extenuating circumstances that I was thinking of in a generic sense when I wrote that would include things such as if a person who otherwise would be invited were actually a convicted or suspected child molester/predator, an abusive spouse or domestic partner, someone against whom you or someone else has had a restraining order, someone who has a history of brandishing weapons in public, or someone who is technically still legally married to someone else.

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

this exact situation happened to me before and the bride and i had a huge disagreement. i asked her how she would feel if i didnt invite her husband to my wedding and she was silent.  she still would not allow me to have a date to her wedding even though some bridesmaids had guys they had been dating a month as dates. we are no longer friends and she and her husband will not be invited to my wedding. i thought it was incredibly rude, and just thinking about it is pissing me off.

Post # 16
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Have you talked to her recently about how much things have changed?  Have you guys hung out together at all since your relationship was “tenuous”?  I agree that it’s rude for her to not allow you to invite your boyfriend, but looking at things from her point of view (based on what you’ve described), it sounds like she’s concerned that your boyfriend isn’t right for you and has possibly mistreated you, or at least done enough to make her think that he is a disrespectful person who could make a scene.  If he’s changed, you need to make sure that she sees/realizes that, otherwise fighting back on this could have a serious negative impact on your friendship.

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