(Closed) Can the opposite sex "Just be friends?"

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Can the opposite sex "just be friends"?
    Yes, definitely. : (77 votes)
    52 %
    No. : (14 votes)
    9 %
    It depends on the circumstances : (34 votes)
    23 %
    As long as there's no sexual attraction : (24 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I dont think you should limit friendships just because youre married. Its hard to find new people to click with as friends when you are an adult!

    I would keep hanging out in a social group with your hubby for a while, until the friendship has a bit of history, then i would have no problen going for the odd one on one coffee. He would have clearly seen you happily married by then and if he had any unhonourable intentions he couldnt try aand make you feel like you lead him on.

    Post # 17
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

     its possible, but rare. Usually it can be a stumbling block in a marriage. /For instance if things get strained between you and the hubby, the “friend” can become like an emotional affair.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  barnes66.
    Post # 18
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    barnes66:  bingo.  When you get married it’s time to grow up, make some women friends, and focus on your family.  There are of course men mutual friends in groups, while you’re with your husband that you will know.  I’m not saying you can’t talk to men, but no, a friendship based on phonecalls, texts, hanging out while your husband is at work…to me that is insane. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    2011 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t understand what the issue is? My OH and I were best friends before we got together so I know it can go the other way but that’s because there was always an attraction there. I have plenty of guy friends I hang out with one on one. I actually have so few female friends around that my bridal shower is being held 6 hours away because that’s where all of my female friends and family are. Having a friendship with a man is no different to having a friendship with a woman as long as you’re both on the same page with the no attraction thing and get along great. I have never not spent time with a female friend because I was scared I might lead her on so what’s the difference with a guy? What exactly are you doing with this dude that’s any different to if he were a female? Nothing, that’s what. Catching up for a coffee and a chat is a normal thing that millions of people do every single day. It’s not like you’re cuddling up in bed together. People need to relax and stop blowing sh*t out of proportion. My close group of friends is all guys except for me and one other female. My OH has always been part of that group (like I said, we were best friends before becoming a couple) but I have never felt uncomfortable to spend one on one time with the other guys just because OH and I decided to take things further. Having a penis doesn’t make someone any less of a friend.

    goldshine: I think growing up is becoming a mature adult and realising that friends are friends regardless of their gender!! What is this, high school? “Ooooo Sukii is spending time with a booooyyyyyyyyyyyy”. Please.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2011 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I just asked OH, “Do you dislike it when I catchup with one of the boys without you?” and he responded, “No, it’s just like when you catch up with N (female friend). What’s the difference?” and went back to what he was doing on YouTube like I just asked the stupidest question in the world.

    Of course if your husband has an issue with it I wouldn’t suggest doing it anyway but if you’re both okay with it then there should be no problem.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1198 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

    x-infinity-x:  totally!! ive got guy friends that ive kept since 9th grade and continue to meet new male friends. My husband knows them all, theres a clear boundary. As long as you keep open communication with your husband and boundaries with your friends, we’re all good!

    Post # 22
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I don’t get this? I have male friends, some of my best friends are male. No attraction whatsoever. I talk to my guy friends in the exact same way I talk to my female friends. I have friends that are lesbians too. While you’re discriminating against gender why not sexual orientation? 

    I tend to believe women who have issues with opposite sex friendships tend to either watch too many romantic comedies or are insecure. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    You all are such pococurantes about marriage and you wonder why the divorce rate is over 50%

    Post # 24
    Member
    2011 posts
    Buzzing bee

    goldshine:  It’s because marriage shouldn’t be that hard. If you need to be worried then you shouldn’t be getting married. My OH and I love and trust each other to not be so concerned about what the other gets up to every second of every day.

    Post # 25
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee

    goldshine:  Agree! Nice to see someone on here feels the way I do.

    I would never go chill one on one with some guy. Maybe I’m a weirdo but I just don’t think that is right. 

     

    I have never seen a male/female friendship where one or both didn’t at some point have attraction and want more. 

    I think opposite sex friends are fine in a group setting but one on one it just seems off to me.

     

    Not about to argue with people who are fine with close opposite sex friendships while married or in serious relationships. They just aren’t OK for me.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    theatrejulia:  I’m totally with you and basically all of my friends are guys but it sounds like PP has a lot of male friends also and for some reason this relationship is giving her pause. Maybe she feels something not quite right under the surface with this one. If it’s making her feel uncomfortable for any reason then she should reconsider.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    goldshine:  “When you get married it’s time to grow up, make some women friends, and focus on your family. There are of course men mutual friends in groups, while you’re with your husband that you will know.”

    Wait a second.. you’re right! Away with my friends and life! It’s time to focus on being a wife and mother! That’s ALL that matters now!! I’d better go meet some gals to clip coupons with!

    Post # 28
    Member
    925 posts
    Busy bee

    I only had one male friend. I specifically told him I liked that we were friends and he never flirted me or made any sexual innuendos etc, and that he was like a brother to me. Well, that all went out with the window when he blind sided me with a confession that he is in love with me. Obviously I ditched him, which sucks because we were friends for 8 years.

    I do think one can be friends with the opposite sex (or the same sex if you’re gay) and not have it be a problem. There needs to be respect and regard of your relationship on your part and your friend’s part. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee

    Yes. I have a ton of guy friends. Fiance has a ton of female friends. When he went out of town for work most recently, I had a male friend of mine over and watched movies and ate popcorn at the house til 2am or so. It was great. And 100% platonic. Fiance was glad I wasn’t alone the whole time he was gone, and I got to watch movies Fiance doesn’t like but that my friend and I do. Win-win! Fiance often visits friends, both male and female, one on one when he travels. I think nothing of it. I’d be so sad if we couldn’t have our individual friendships with whoever we wanted. My Fiance is grabbing dinner with a female friend of his this week and catching up, and I’m glad they can because she is into a lot of the same work stuff he is and I’m lousy at talking about a lot of it.

    Do you think Peter is interested? If so, I understand not hanging out one on one as much just because it can be awkward if one person is sexually interested and another is not available. So long as you two aren’t interested in each other, just being freinds should be a breeze.

    Post # 30
    Member
    901 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m bi, so am I expected to not have any friends at all? I hope not, lol. I can certainly be just friends with any gender. Not everything is about sex

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