(Closed) Can this be salvaged or do I walk away?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

I am not conflicted on this at all. Leave him. Your vacations are completely irrelevant. He waited for you to be gone for .5 seconds and then immediately jumped on the opportunity to stick it somewhere else.

Post # 108
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

anonsad:  nope, break that shit off. Are you really going to stick around and marry someone who has “emotional breakdowns” surrounding something that is supposed to be a happy time (getting engaged)? Leave now. I promise you this won’t be the last time it happens if you marry him. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this

Post # 109
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So if your best friend was telling you your story, what would you say to her?  You’d tell her to leave him, right?  That she deserves way better than this.

I know this sucks big time.  Do you really want to be with a guy that runs to a prostitute at the first sign of a breakdown?  I wouldn’t.

Post # 110
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Your SO is supposed to be the one person you can trust. He not only cheated on you but put your health in danger by doing so. To me, the big problem here isn’t the cheating but that he GAVE YOU MULTIPLE STIs, knowing the risks. This is not acceptable. If all this is happening just 3 years into your relationship and before you’re even married, I can’t even imagine what kind of fucked up stuff he will do when times get really tough 10 or 20 years in the future. I understand it’s not that easy to just pick up and leave someone, but this man does not deserve to be with you.

Post # 111
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

No. All of this is just a big nope!

Post # 112
493 posts
Helper bee

For those that commented and said “a bunch of strangers on the Internet shouldn’t be giving you advice”, well then here is an idea, OP why don’t you tell you mom, dad and close friends the situation and see what advice they would give?

Post # 113
62 posts
Worker bee

He has mostly likely done this before, only you caught him by getting an STI. Have more respect for yourself. And your family would rather you not take him on vacation or get married to a person like this. Best of luck to you!

Post # 114
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My only advice is (as several said) at the absolute least, do not get engaged soon. Take time to think, pray, cry, scream, repeat and then make a decision.  Best of luck to you, bee.

Post # 115
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I wouldn’t be surprised if he were “so distraught” over the prospect of losing you that he hits up another prostitute.  This is going to happen again.  Even if it doesn’t, are you going to be able to get over the thought of your boyfriend naked with a hooker?  Let alone the health issues.  I mean, this wasn’t just a prostitute.  It was a filthy prostitute who cares not about her health.  

Post # 116
964 posts
Busy bee

This is the second post i’ve read in the last 10 minutes about a guy freaking out about getting married and addressing that by sticking his dick in some strange. So you have to ask yourself, why? I mean, the freaking out is a completely normal and legit response (to a certain extent). It’s the way he chose to deal with it. One can only assume his thought process was ‘I’ll never get to fuck another vagina ever again! Noooooooo!’ and he runs out and sticks it in some strange. if your response to that is to forgive him immediately and with little to no work or consequences on his part, his thought process will then become ‘hmmmm. Maybe this marriage thing won’t be so bad after all. I can fuck some strange when the urge strikes and have very little fall-out from it.’

Does him running out and fucking a stranger seem like a legit and natural reaction to what he was thinking and feeling? You should be incredibly worried about his complete lack of coping skills. Marriage is no picnic. Do you feel secure knowing this is how he deals with emotional stress?

Furthermore, you need to not have any sexual contact with him for at least 6 months To be completely safe. You’ll both need to be tested regularly throughout that time. After 6 months of clean tests, you’re in the clear.

you should sit him down and tell him face-to-face that you need him to take a polygraph, and gauge his reaction. Book the test. You may get a parking lot confession of additional cheating if he sees you are going through with it.

But that all seems like a lot for a guy you aren’t married or engaged to, especially for a guy who didn’t give 2 shits about your physical or emotional health.

Post # 117
321 posts
Helper bee

KB87:  +1 Ask around see the responses.

To answer your question, no this is not salvageable and yes you need to walk away. You are not even engaged.

With all the Bee horror stories on bachelor parties, God knows what will happen at his if you put up with this bullshit.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  brideprivee.
Post # 118
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016


anonsad:  Update? I hope you left, don’t let your 3 planned and paid for trips stand in the way. Perhaps you can still go and leave his sorry ass home. The family trip especially. Use that time away from eachother to start truly separating your lives. F that. A prostitute and no protection? He put your life at risk… willingly. You deserve better.

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