(Closed) Can This Friendship Be Saved? Friends Said Horrible Things to Us – What Now?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water

Oh that sounds like a fun evening for sure.  You and your FH should just be silent.  There is probably some history on their side that you and your FH are unaware of and they took it out on both of you.  They definitely were wrong to waylaid you like that and hopefully after things calm down they will approach you both with an apology or some peace offering.  At this point, however, they would not be on my “A” or “B” list for sure.  Hang in there and I hope everything works out in the long run.

Post # 3
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have these lawyer rants happened before? Since this wasn’t your first meeting, it does sound like something has triggered him/them. Sometimes you can dislike the institution but still like the person. However, they didn’t back down after you said it was an uncomfortable conversation, and that’s weird. If there’s something underlying going on, maybe that just needs to be addressed. Otherwise, it seems the friendship has been severed already. 

Post # 4
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

While my father-in-law doesn’t go on THAT long, he likes to talk about how teachers aren’t good people, and how public education is useless, et cetera, et cetera.  When I get offended (I’m a teacher, my parents are retired teachers, etc), he claims he doesn’t mean ME…just in general.

So.  If you want to remain friends with these people, I would say something like this to them: “When you talk about lawyers like that, it makes me think you are talking about me like that as well, because I am a lawyer.  My fiance is a lawyer.  My parents are lawyers.  Therefore, when you disparage lawyers, you are disparaging me and my family.”  I said something like that to my father-in-law and now he at least sees that he is insulting me, and is a little nicer about his “opinions”.  

Lawyers and teachers are two of those jobs…people think they know everything about our professions, and have no problem being dicks about it.  If you want to be their friend, get over it.  If you don’t, drop ’em while they’re hot!  (that’s like not an expression)

Post # 5
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

I know this isn’t groundbreaking, but you really need to be prepared for the vitriol towards lawyers. I understand that to you,  your Fiance and also your friends that this is a noble profession. But to a lot of people, that isn’t the case. Lawyers can be sneaky, the legal system is full of loopholes that get exploited.

The fact that they went on and on after you asked to end the conversation is the part that is concerning, not the topic itself, IMO. 

Post # 6
835 posts
Busy bee

peonyinlove:  I really hope it is not the end of the friendship.  It seems like you had a very good relationship before.  Since it seems to have come from out of the blue, maybe they have a personal gripe with that lawyer or another one.

Post # 8
860 posts
Busy bee

These people are not your friends.

Post # 9
12227 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Make new friends.  

Post # 10
9224 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“I got a job with an excellent lawyer who is incredibly well respected and it’s a huge deal to me – I was extremely excited. I mentioned that I’d observed a trial of his recently and that he’d done an amazing job”

Let me preface this by saying I am not excusing your (former?) friends’ behavior in any way — it sounds like they were out of line. And also preface this by saying I’m a lawyer.

But OP, what you said quoted above really reminded me of a friend of mine who tells me all about how perfect her new [“prestigious job”/”price charming boyfriend”/”top of the line apartment”/”exotic dream vacation”/etc.] is every single time I talk to her. I love when friends share good news with me and I love to celebrate with them, but this girl is something else. Being optimistic is great, but she totally ignores any negatives/potential negatives of things and shoves in everyone’s face how absolutely perfect things are and how lucky she is — in a way that makes people feel as though their jobs and life must suck.

Now obviously I wasn’t there and don’t know anything about what you said or what they said, but maybe your friends thought that you were putting this job on a pedestal and not seeing it from all perspectives (I can tell you firsthand that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies… even great lawyers — perhaps especially great lawyers — grapple with what they have to do in the courtroom and what they personally feel should be done, so it isn’t as black and white as always being right and always giving the “bad guys” what they deserve — sometimes you “win” and yet go home and feel like the most terrible person on earth). Anyway, that, combined with a dislike of lawyers and maybe just having a bad day/week in general, could have just made for the perfect storm.

If they were good friends of yours, perhaps give everyone some space and time for a few weeks and then considering reaching out again to give them another chance. If you don’t care to, then just treat it as a friendship ending. Friendships come and go in life, perhaps this was just the natural end to this one.

Post # 11
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would just let those people fade away. But don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll come crawling back when they need free legal advice! 

Post # 12
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh boy, your friends sound like a couple of grade A morons, and tactless fools to boot. I’m a criminal defense lawyer and while I know that not all of my friends love the fact that I defend people accused of some awful things, they all have the social graces to keep that ish to themselves. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been verbally attacked by a friend or acquaintance in the way you’re describing. Even when I get together with my uncle, who is a prison warden and clearly has a very different perspective on the criminal justice system, we manage to be polite and kind towards each other and often find common ground on some issues. 

I love how they argued “I said ‘no offense!'” Like that excuses anything that comes afterwards. “No offense, but your mom is a fugly slut.” “No offense, but your face makes me want to barf.” Were they drunk? 

Ugh. Congratulations on your new job! Criminal defense is an awesome field to work in, and I bet you’re really going to enjoy it. I’m sorry your friends are such dumb dumbs. 

Post # 14
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Was she pro or con drug laws? In my experience the only people who want drugs legalised are the ones who take drugs themselves, although that is probably a generalisation. 

My fiancee works at an abattoir, you can imagine how some vegetarians react to that, if he does get lectures on animal cruelty he goes “Well, it puts meat on the table” the thing is, he never even sees the kill floor, he drives trucks of meat around to butchers. 

Don’t let them take away your excitement about your new job. Congratulations on it!

Post # 15
1746 posts
Bumble bee

I also suspect a perfect storm behind the scenes.  Perhaps the Girlfriend or her family has had a recent run in with a less right member of the profession.  And as with PP, wonder now much alcohol contributed to the spinning up and lack of normal social inhibitions.


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