(Closed) Can we ask this groomsman to step down?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I think I’d first give him the chance to explain himself/drop out – “we haven’t heard from you in a while, do you still want to be in our wedding because we would still be honoured to have you as a guest” or something like that. See what his response to that is and then make your decision. It is a really big deal to ask someone to step down and it’s highly likely to end the friendship, so unless your Fiance is 100% sure that’s what he wants to do, I think it’s worth trying to get him to see how his behaviour is hurting you and give him the opportunity to man up. Good luck!

Post # 4
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think if they’re really strapped for cash, a better response would be for your Fiance to ask him if he’s still cool with being a Groomsmen given the expense. He may be looking for an out.

Post # 5
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it would be rude for you to come right out and ask him to step down.  If anything, I would talk to him and feel him out to see if he’s still comfortable being in the wedding party considering his current situation.  Maybe even approach it like  you’re more concerned with him feeling stressed about being part of the wedding party now that he lives so far away, rather than being a financial situation.  I wouldn’t be confrontational… I would just let him know that if he changed his mind about being part of the wedding party it wouldn’t change the way you guys feel about him so he feels more comfortable to choose to step down himself.

Post # 6
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MissHelen: I was going to say this.  Your Fiance needs to ask him if everything’s alright (he is a friend after all…) and if he is still able to be a groomsman.

Post # 7
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

we had a similiar situation, in which we had to replace a Groomsmen.

Fi’s college roommate, obliging accepted when Fiance asked him to be a Groomsmen 11 months before our wedding day. but since that phone call had not returned a single phone call, fb message, email, text that Fiance sent as we progressed in our wedding planning. Fiance did get a hold him on the phone for 2 minutes in which the friend seemed really busy and said “yea i might be getting a free trip to italy around the week of your wedding.”

Fiance had had enough so we tried calling him to step down. He hasn’t responded to any of FI’s communications. So Fiance asked one of his friends from work at his first job out of college to step in. We still haven’t heard from the one that SHOULD know he’s been kicked out.

Post # 8
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What if he just doesnt say anything anymore? Like just kinds avoid its.

I wouldn’t tell him about the tux or even put his name at the tux place.

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