Post # 1
My Fiance asked one of his good friends to be in the wedding a few months ago. He was the best man in this friend’s wedding. The friend complained every time we saw him after his wedding about not being in our bridal party. Well Fiance gave in and asked him to be a groomsmen.
About a week after we asked him he informed us that he was moving 12 hours away. We didn’t think it would be a big deal. We all play an online game together and they were coming to town in July and said they’d see us then. Well we haven’t heard much from them outside of what we read on their facebook. Fiance sent him an email almost two weeks ago and got no responce. They were in town last weekend and made no attempt to even try to get together, and he sent me an im this week about the online game. When I asked about something else I got no responce and then he logged off.
This friend is always complaining about not having money. When they decided to move 12 hours away both he and his wife quit their jobs. They’ve had no income for two months, we’re not sure if they can even afford the tux rental and hotel for two nights.
Fiance now regrets asking him to be in the wedding party. Can we ask him to step down?
Post # 3
I think I’d first give him the chance to explain himself/drop out – “we haven’t heard from you in a while, do you still want to be in our wedding because we would still be honoured to have you as a guest” or something like that. See what his response to that is and then make your decision. It is a really big deal to ask someone to step down and it’s highly likely to end the friendship, so unless your Fiance is 100% sure that’s what he wants to do, I think it’s worth trying to get him to see how his behaviour is hurting you and give him the opportunity to man up. Good luck!
Post # 4
I think if they’re really strapped for cash, a better response would be for your Fiance to ask him if he’s still cool with being a Groomsmen given the expense. He may be looking for an out.
Post # 5
I think it would be rude for you to come right out and ask him to step down. If anything, I would talk to him and feel him out to see if he’s still comfortable being in the wedding party considering his current situation. Maybe even approach it like you’re more concerned with him feeling stressed about being part of the wedding party now that he lives so far away, rather than being a financial situation. I wouldn’t be confrontational… I would just let him know that if he changed his mind about being part of the wedding party it wouldn’t change the way you guys feel about him so he feels more comfortable to choose to step down himself.
Post # 6
@MissHelen: I was going to say this. Your Fiance needs to ask him if everything’s alright (he is a friend after all…) and if he is still able to be a groomsman.
Post # 7
we had a similiar situation, in which we had to replace a Groomsmen.
Fi’s college roommate, obliging accepted when Fiance asked him to be a Groomsmen 11 months before our wedding day. but since that phone call had not returned a single phone call, fb message, email, text that Fiance sent as we progressed in our wedding planning. Fiance did get a hold him on the phone for 2 minutes in which the friend seemed really busy and said “yea i might be getting a free trip to italy around the week of your wedding.”
Fiance had had enough so we tried calling him to step down. He hasn’t responded to any of FI’s communications. So Fiance asked one of his friends from work at his first job out of college to step in. We still haven’t heard from the one that SHOULD know he’s been kicked out.
Post # 8
What if he just doesnt say anything anymore? Like just kinds avoid its.
I wouldn’t tell him about the tux or even put his name at the tux place.