- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 1996
Recently, DH started a new job. He works closely with a woman. I am very comfortable with myself, and confident about my appearance. I don’t get jealous easily. When DH finds other women physically attractive, it truly does NOT ever bother me.
This woman is very nice, but she just moved the the area. She doesn’t really know anyone, so she wants to make new friends. DH really likes her, so we hang out with her a lot. We go for a beer at the bar, go skiing, sporting events, parties, etc. I’d say we see her socially once every few weeks or so.
We spent the day with her yesterday, and I realized that I am incredibly intimidated by his relationship with this woman. She isn’t particularly beautiful, but she is definitely pretty. What gets me is that she is good at all the things I’m not so great at, and all the things that DH loves in a woman. She is REALLY good at socializing (always makes everyone feel comfortable, never says anything embarassing or stupid like I do), super friendly (where I come off as overbearing to alot of people), VERY successful in her career, (where I am still job-hunting), and very very intelligent (where I feel like a phony most of the time). These are all the qualities DH says he loves about me, but I feel like she meets and exceeds me in all of them.
On the ride home, I realized I was really uncomfortable, and I started feeling upset. I told DH that I was a little jealous because I felt like this woman was his type, and he was probably attracted to her on more than just a physical level. He was quiet for a minute and then said, “Well, she’s really nice.” and that was it. I’m glad he didn’t lie to me, but it felt like a knife through the heart when he didn’t deny it. Later that night he said, “You know you have nothing to be jealous about.” but that was it.
I just feel like crap today. I trust him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. I know it’s not a conscious thing. It’s not his fault if he’s attracted to someone else. Like I said before, if it was a physical attraction then I wouldn’t even blink. But he’s attracted to her mind and her personality, and it is just killing me.
What do I do about it? I can’t just ban him from seeing her ever again. I don’t want to seem like a crazy person, but I really just don’t want to be around her anymore. She is really nice, and I would feel bad if we just cut her off from our social circle. I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle this.