(Closed) Can we still get married in a church?

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 32
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Find a church that will accept you for who you are, where you are at…No matter the denomination.  If the church can’t accept you and your future husband ‘as is’, as God can accept you, find somewhere else that will. 

Post # 33
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

why does an annulment have anything to do with his son?  His son probably wouldn’t even have to know!

Post # 34
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I really think many of you are misunderstanding annulment and saying harsh and untrue things about it, and this can be hurtful to those who have had them or whose parents have had them, so let’s be careful. 

An annulment is not about “should,” a magic time-machine that goes and says that a marriage should be somehow wiped off the face of the earthly memory because it was never meant to happen, invalidating the love that was part of their formation and the powerful hope and love of children born to the marriage. What it means is that someone who entered into the covenant didn’t really believe that it was a lifelong covenant, which is obvious, since there was a divorce. An annullment takes an honest look at things, sometimes brutally honest, instead of saying “Oh, it just fell apart.” Many people don’t like that, because they don’t want to face the question of “who ultimately didn’t think marriage was forever,” because obviously, someone didn’t. It’s not a punishment, though; it’s an examination. Most people I know say that they grew immensely, spiritually, working with the priests and nuns who deal with annulments instead of running from them. 

I think children can only benefit from parents who are brave enough to go back to the place they made a serious promise and look the whole story in the eye. It’s like breaking a promise to a friend; it takes the most guts to go back to the friend and admit that ultimately something else took priority over that promise. It doesn’t make you a worm. In fact, we are made great by facing our misjudgments. 

You can get married in a Protestant church, but I really recommend looking into annulment. Again, it’s not bad for children. It’s a lesson in courage, actually. 

Post # 35
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Almost all Christian Churches will allow you to be married there. Most ministers will want you to go throgh pre-marital counciling. But this would be true reguardless of the situation. Most christian denominations are far less strict than Catholic churches. And I have to say that I strongly agree with seeker568. Church is suposed to guide, not condem. God forgives those who repent, we should to. You can find a church by simply looking in the local phone book. Go to a few services untill you find one you and your hubby to be are comfortable in.

Something to remember. Catholic teaching and beliefs are much different than Evangelical Christian Churches (which is most all denominations).

Post # 36
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@malynn85: Not allowing someone to marry after marrying them in the Catholic church isn’t a “condemnation” or “refusal to forgive.” It’s recognizing that the first marriage was a covenant and a sacrament made with God. The Church doesn’t refuse to accept people who are divorced, it does refuse to remarry them in some cases, but by no means in all. 

Post # 37
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I completely understand, I am in the same position.  I attended Catholic school  all my life and was very active in the church.  My fiance in divorced and has two boys.  An annulment is out of the question because his ex would make a huge deal and the kids would have to hear it and I refuse to hurt them that way.  (in order for annulment both parties have to respond to petition)

What is hard for me is that I have done everything that i am suppossed to do for the last 30+ years and now cannot marry like I would like to .  It is not just that you can not marry in the church but knowing that they will never recognize my marriage and in their eyes I am an adulterer.

I am getting married by a Christian priest and I know have to  decide how to continue practicing my faith.  Good luck to you.  I think you are doing the right thing.  Find a Christian community where you feel embraced.

Post # 38
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@florencep: That sounds really frustrating! Keep praying for his ex, maybe she’ll come around. Especially if she wants to marry again herself one day.

Post # 39
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@malynn85:  “Something to remember. Catholic teaching and beliefs are much different than Evangelical Christian Churches (which is most all denominations).”

 

Not as much as you would think.  And where Catholics and protestants differ, usually protestants and other protestants also differ. 

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