(Closed) Can women have it all?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have to go to work in a minute but I wanted to weigh in: my opinion is no, women cannot have it all. It is impossible to be say, the CEO or snore manager in a company, raise your kids, take care of your house and build a good relationship with your husband.

Everyone loses in that scenario. Because even you have a nanny (who will basically raise your kids and a housekeeper), your job will always come first. Hey gang, we’ve got an emergency meeting at 7PM. Want to go home and see your family? Too bad, so sad.

That said, if you have a husband or partner who is willing to stay home or take a less demanding or part-time job, then yes a high-powered job is possible for women. It really doesn’t matter if who decides to keep the home fires burning, but SOMEONE needs to do it.

I made the choice to stay home and raise my kids (they are grown and now I can have the demanding job:). But women who work full-time end up doing more than half the chores, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, doctor’s appointments, car pool, driving the kids to lessons, etc.

Even if they have supportive husbands who help. I just don’t see how they can possibly do all those jobs well. Besides it would make me crazy and exhausted to live like that

Post # 4
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I read that article a few weeks ago and I have conflicting emotions about it. DH and I aren’t even close to TTC yet but we have started to talk a little about what the child care scenario would be in our home.

We both work. With our current living expenses, adding a child into the mix with our current incomes pretty much guarantee that we’re both going to need to work. For both of us, each of our mothers were SAHMs for a large portion of our lives. DH’s mom never worked, and my mother has only started working within the last few years after all of her children left the nest so to speak.

I guess the biggest issue that I have with this article is; why is this only a conversation for women? Guys are the numerically the other half of the equation, yet there has been very little media attention on whether a guy is ‘Dad Enough’ (in reference to the Time(?) article on being ‘Mom Enough).

I think until the Stay At Home Dad or the Single Father or Paternity Leave are part of the popular lexicon then the answer is ‘no’ women can’t have it all because social/cultural perception is that women are naturally responsible for the bulk of domestic chores and child care duties.

Post # 6
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the closest a woman can get to having it all is having a husband that fully does 50% of the work, and that lives in Scandanavia, haha. Women don’t really have a shot at having it all in the USA, that’s for damn sure!

Post # 8
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I really don’t think so. I would much rather be a parent than a full on career woman. If my regional manager had kids, there is no way she would be able to do her job at the capacity she does it now.

Post # 9
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I will never “have it all”.  But I have everything I need.

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think this conversation is problemsome the fact that women need to “have it all” and the fact that the Husbands and Fathers are often left out of the conservation. I am discouraged by the fact that a lot of my peers and friends who have children and continue to work still take on the bulk of the responsbility when it comes to their kids.

I also find it interesting that they have to “ask their husbands for help” “ask their husbands to babysit” it’s your freaking kid and your responsbility. I do have some hope as I seen some guys step up to the table. But it pushes me to thinking that I may not want children. Having Kids effects your marraige and career in a big way and it always seems like the women is going to get the short end of the stick most of the time.

When I get chance I will read the article it’s six pages long so don’t have the time right now

Post # 12
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@TwoCityBride:  OMG you read my mind. I freaking HATE the whole “Daddy gets to babysit this weekend!” type of crap I always see people posting on facebook. No, Daddy gets to be a parent this weekend. Which he should always be.

I guess I’m touchy about this because I don’t want or plan to stay home to raise kids. My career will be the higher paying one, so if everything goes as planned, my husband will be the one staying at home or working PT to finance day care the rest of the time. And that’s what we both want. I love my job and know that I could never be personally fulfilled by staying at home, but there’s always this pressure to be super-mom and want to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for so I can stay at home and raise kids. I have the utmost respect for those that choose to stay home, but I just couldn’t do it! It seems like both sides are judged unfairly – damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Post # 13
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with all of the dad comments. I fully believe that dads don’t get a pass simply because it’s “the norm” that the woman works AND does all of the household chores, cooking, and child rearing. This is what I love about my FI–he’s very much in favor of 50/50.

Post # 14
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t read the article, but I think there aren’t articles asking if men can have it all because men aren’t expected to raise the children – women are. Also, men can’t be pregnant. Even if you want to be a ball-busting career woman, you still need time off for doctors appointments and to give birth and recover.

Post # 15
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TwoCityBride:  I completely agree. I think no one (women or men) can have it all. It’s all about priorities.

Post # 16
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My mom has a high-power career, and she managed to be a great mom. She and my dad both traveled a LOT when I was a kid, and I had a live-in nanny for several years. When my brother and I were in early elementary school, she became an elementary school teacher so she could spend more time with us. Once we were in middle school, and we were doing lots of activities after school instead of going straight home, she went back to work. She has worked very hard ever since (~70 to 80 hours a week). There are times that it’s been really tough. She sometimes spends a LOT of time with her Blackberry. But for my whole life, she has made a priority to spend her free time with my brother, my dad, and I. She has made enough money to pay for nannies, and even now that we’ve moved out she has a housekeeper who comes once a week, so that she can spend her free time with my dad enjoying being empty nesters. I think she really DOES have it all 🙂  That’s not to say there haven’t been tough times, but our family has gotten through it and we are all still very close!

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