(Closed) Can you cut someone after asking for their address?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can you cut someone off your list after you ask for and receive their address?
    Yes, cut them regardless - these people show no interest in your friendship. : (20 votes)
    30 %
    Yes, cut them since nothing has been formally mailed. : (18 votes)
    27 %
    Yes, cut them in order to accomodate family. : (4 votes)
    6 %
    Yes, cut them even though it might be rude - deal with the consequences. : (15 votes)
    23 %
    No, once you ask for an address they expect an invite. : (9 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I think it’s fine to cut them, although I suppose it depends on what you said when you asked for their address. Was it, “can I have your address so I can send you a wedding invitation?” If it was THAT clear, it might be more problematic. But it sounds like you don’t want them at your wedding anyway.

    Post # 4
    761 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I agree you can cut them if you did not say specifically you were asking for the wedding, if that is the case just send something else!! Also if you really do not want them there do not send the invite and let them be mad might make your life easier in the future without them!!

    Post # 6
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    If you were the only ones they didn’t invite to a large party… that is a great reason to cut them. 😉 I would!

    Post # 8
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I guess I would say cut them only if you wouldn’t mind ending the friendship.  You may not mind- it sounds like these people aren’t very close to you anymore anyway.  But it will probably look rude.  Then again, if anyone ever asks you about it, just say “oh, our plans changed and we are not having a much smaller wedding than we initially thought.” and that should be enough for them.

    Post # 9
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’d cut them from the list even if there were room!  (I’m also coming from a kinda hostile place, being fed up with guest list woes of my own lol)  But seriously, they haven’t been terrific friends to you lately, so there’s no need to include them.  Family first 🙂

    Post # 10
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Skip them, you hardly see them anyway.  If they’re offended who cares!  Friends are way easier to cut off than family Smile

    Post # 11
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i think it’s fine to cut them since they’ve been rude to you since. if they ever question you about it, you can pull the “we’re having a smaller wedding than when we asked for your address” card.

    fi and i were actually talking about a similar dilemma last night–his bf from high school who treats him horribly just figured out he wasn’t going to be invited to our wedding (via mutual friends) and apparently fi had originally asked him for his address…oops…we still aren’t inviting him though.

    Post # 12
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @greenleafmountain’s reply was perfect, using the plans changed line if it comes up… which it sounds like it never will.

    Post # 13
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i asked for tons of addresses – and only sent out STD’s to folks that i KNEW i wanted to be there no matter what. invites are a different story. for the folk swho didnt get Save-The-Date Cards, we are gonna sit down and figure out if we have enough room and $$ for them.

    they didnt get the Save-The-Date Cards when they were mailed out so theres no “expectations” yet. so yay.

    i think if you havent sent the Save-The-Date Cards out only send them out to people you absolutely positively want to be there. you can send an invite to someone you DIDNT send an STD for. but you cant go the other way around.

    Post # 14
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I don’t think you need to invite them just because you asked for their address. I really liked greenleafmountain’s response.

    Post # 15
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Don’t send a save the date.  But you can still decide to invite them later if things change. 

    You can’t go back after you send a STD.


    Post # 16
    5921 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I asked for addresses very early, since I had so many to get.  There were 2 people that I asked that I didn’t send save the dates to.  I didn’t really specify what I was asking addresses for, so I figure I can always just send them a Christmas card 😉

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