Post # 1
We are in the typical position – too big a guest list for our venue. We had narrowed down our list considerably and even cut some extended family to make room for friends (I know…harsh).
After sending out emails and requests via Facebook, we got our list completed and most if not all of our addresses. Now the sticky part. Nothing has been mailed yet (Save the Dates are sitting on my counter right now waiting) and we are considering cutting a few people (who fall into the ‘friends’ category) before we mail them. Here are the reasons why:
- We have family that didn’t make the first list so these people could be added.
- Both couples have declined every invite sent by us over the last two years and we haven’t seen either couple in two years unless by chance at someone else’s event.
- One couple, the wife didn’t respond to emails for her address (sent two) – when I saw the hubby by chance, I asked and he gave me their address. When I mentioned I had emailed her and I knew she was super busy, he said “Oh no, she reads her emails every day.” So much for benefit of the doubt, eh? They are still aprt of our “group” but we have found out that we were snubbed recently – the only ones not invited to a large party.
- The other couple has been withdrawing from the entire group over time. Near everyone was recently snubbed from a large party this past weekend.
Can you cut someone after you have asked for their address? Does the reason you are cutting them matter? Did you have second thoughts after asking people for their addresses?
Post # 3
I think it’s fine to cut them, although I suppose it depends on what you said when you asked for their address. Was it, “can I have your address so I can send you a wedding invitation?” If it was THAT clear, it might be more problematic. But it sounds like you don’t want them at your wedding anyway.
Post # 4
I agree you can cut them if you did not say specifically you were asking for the wedding, if that is the case just send something else!! Also if you really do not want them there do not send the invite and let them be mad might make your life easier in the future without them!!
Post # 5
Ah, okay for clarity – we did indicate that we were getting married and looking for addresses for our guest list. However, we are both now wondering why the hell we wanted these 4 people to get invites when we cut family to incldue them out of being nice in the first place. I added an option about cutting them even though it may be rude.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
If you were the only ones they didn’t invite to a large party… that is a great reason to cut them. 😉 I would!
Post # 7
@spaniel – See, that’s the thing. We were deliberately snubbed and while I’m not going to cry about it, I also feel like they have no right to be at our wedding.
Post # 8
I guess I would say cut them only if you wouldn’t mind ending the friendship. You may not mind- it sounds like these people aren’t very close to you anymore anyway. But it will probably look rude. Then again, if anyone ever asks you about it, just say “oh, our plans changed and we are not having a much smaller wedding than we initially thought.” and that should be enough for them.
Post # 9
I’d cut them from the list even if there were room! (I’m also coming from a kinda hostile place, being fed up with guest list woes of my own lol) But seriously, they haven’t been terrific friends to you lately, so there’s no need to include them. Family first 🙂
Post # 10
Skip them, you hardly see them anyway. If they’re offended who cares! Friends are way easier to cut off than family
Post # 11
i think it’s fine to cut them since they’ve been rude to you since. if they ever question you about it, you can pull the “we’re having a smaller wedding than when we asked for your address” card.
fi and i were actually talking about a similar dilemma last night–his bf from high school who treats him horribly just figured out he wasn’t going to be invited to our wedding (via mutual friends) and apparently fi had originally asked him for his address…oops…we still aren’t inviting him though.
Post # 12
@greenleafmountain’s reply was perfect, using the plans changed line if it comes up… which it sounds like it never will.
Post # 13
i asked for tons of addresses – and only sent out STD’s to folks that i KNEW i wanted to be there no matter what. invites are a different story. for the folk swho didnt get Save-The-Date Cards, we are gonna sit down and figure out if we have enough room and $$ for them.
they didnt get the Save-The-Date Cards when they were mailed out so theres no “expectations” yet. so yay.
i think if you havent sent the Save-The-Date Cards out only send them out to people you absolutely positively want to be there. you can send an invite to someone you DIDNT send an STD for. but you cant go the other way around.
Post # 14
I don’t think you need to invite them just because you asked for their address. I really liked greenleafmountain’s response.
Post # 15
Don’t send a save the date. But you can still decide to invite them later if things change.
You can’t go back after you send a STD.
Post # 16
I asked for addresses very early, since I had so many to get. There were 2 people that I asked that I didn’t send save the dates to. I didn’t really specify what I was asking addresses for, so I figure I can always just send them a Christmas card 😉