- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I posted recently about a rift between myself and my ILs.
To recap – Mother-In-Law has been making not so nice, passive aggressive comments for the 9 years I’ve been with my husband. We’ve both tried to speak to her diplomatically, no change. She did it again at Christmas and I yelled at her. My Father-In-Law is upset with me because I yelled at her. All caught up?
So, my husband had a sit-down with them. He first addressed how my Mother-In-Law speaks to him, her own son. And Father-In-Law had my husband’s back, saying Mother-In-Law needs to watch what she says. When the topic of our conflict came up, Father-In-Law flipped the script and said I was wrong, read too far into things, am too sensitive, etc. So basically, her behavior is wrong when it’s toward her own son, but it’s ok when it’s toward me. Father-In-Law went so far to say had he known all this was happening, he wouldn’t have attended our wedding. This stung. He backpedaled, said that’s not “really true” but it still sucks he thought it and said it.
Frankly, I don’t know why Father-In-Law got involved, it had nothing to do with him in the first place. We (myself and MIL) agreed to put this to bed and move on. But Father-In-Law brought it all back up and insisted my husband sit down with him to discuss.
I feel life’s too short for this bullshit. But – I also don’t want to roll over and continue to take their crap. Additionally, I find it really hard to forgive people that are plain old not sorry. There has been no acknowledgement that they are/have been wrong. And they are throwing salt on the wound by deflecting the blame to me.
It’s unfortunate they are so impossible. And their inability/unwillingness to accept any blame is infuriating! Furthermore, it concerns me that since they seem to think they did nothing wrong, that they won’t change. When I mess up, I own it and LEARN from it. I’m afraid that won’t happen.
Nonetheless, I hate holding on to a grude, I hate the tension, I hate that my poor husband is in this position. Should I just forgive and forget? Should I try to move on? If it continues to happen, what should we do?
(For the record, husband is on my side and made it abundantly clear to them. But, of course it’s a struggle. We are the most important people in his life. It sucks for everyone involved.)