(Closed) Can you insult someone by writing “and Guest”?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I say if you are 100% sure that david is bringing jillian, you write her name. why would you NOT write it, if you know it?

Post # 4
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The way I see it in those cases, you’re not going to offend anyone by writing the name – but you could potentially piss off someone’s established bf/gf by writing “and guest.”  If you know the name of their SO, and the SO knows you know, I’d suggest just writing it.  I think “and guest” is most appropriate when giving a single person a plus one, or when you don’t know whether or not they are in a relationship.

If they were to break up before the wedding, I think the main invitee understands that they don’t still have to bring their ex.

Post # 5
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

hmm…I see your point. I’m not sure what specific etiquette is, but if you want both “David” and “Jillian” to come then I would send them both separate invites even though you know they are coming together, but if you are mainly just wanting to invite David and simply know who he would bring, I’d say and guest in case “Jillian” can’t make it or if something would happen between now and your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We wrote all the proper names of individuals if they were dating at the time the invites went out!

I would hate to offend anyone by not putting their names.

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think I agree with june42011.  I think certainly if they are married, engaged, and/or living together, I wouldn’t hesitate to write both names.  If they’re not living together but have been dating for years and you know them both, I think names are fine. 

But in the scenario of ppl who have been dating less than a year, not living together, not engaged and you’ve never met, I think “and guest” is fine.  I don’t see how someone could reasonably get mad at you for that. 

Post # 8
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years and we have gone to at least 15 weddings together (most on his side). I actually went to his 2nd cousins wedding last weekend. I have met them many times before but theyre not that close with his family. They wrote my card as “and guest”. Even though we have only been engaged only a month, I still feel like I’m out of the loop even though I am officially family. This is the first wedding we’ve been to since the proposal. We have two in July and I’m kind of curious to see what they put! I’m not really offended but I guess I am a little confused! So I would say if they’ve been dating for a significant amount of time to put their name. If you know the name and theyve been dating for lets say a month, I would put “and guest”…good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I pissed someone off! The one time that I didn’t write ‘& guest’ was for someone who was bringing their fiance. Well that person was sitting at the same table as someone who got the ‘& guest’ and they actually said something to my mom about it AT the wedding! They realized that I only wrote the guy’s name because it was the woman’s fiance and not just her boyfriend, but she was still pissy about it.

Post # 10
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh and I should mention that it just so happened that I had never met any of the guests people were bringing, so it wasn’t as if I knew them and just chose to refer to them that way.

Post # 11
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I just got a “Gemstone and Guest” even though I’ve been engaged for over a year. Pretty sure my fiance deserves to be named.

Not that this is applicable here in your situation. I just needed to vent.

If you’ve never met the person, it’s okay to say “guest.” I would only be offended in the case that actually happened, when it was my actual fiance who was refered to as a “guest.”

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I took the initiative to find out last names of a couple of friends Boyfriend or Best Friend and Fiance because I’ve heard them talk about them, even thought I haven’t met all of them. I even found out the last name of one guy’s wife since she didn’t change her name (her reasoning was he’d been married before and there’d already been a Mrs. ___ – so I’m really glad I found that out before I addressed their invite).

Guests will appreciate your attention to detail and I think it’s nicer to receive and invite with both names if they’re an established couple (been together for at least 6 mos).

Post # 13
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree w/ camrie – I am inviting my cousin’s Girlfriend of 7+ years, and while I have only met her once (they have moved out of state), I am definitely addressing the invite w/ her name.  I think if you know that they have a SO and you are aware of their name, whether you have met them or not, it makes someone feel special when they see the invite addressed to them AND their SO!

Post # 14
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I am trying to put everyone’s name on the escort cards but not on the invites if they are not dating someone I know. However, we were invited to an oot wedding last yr and were not able to attend because I was pregnant and due the next day. Anyway, Fiance had been good friends with him for several years, he had met me several times(he was in the military), and we were engaged and living together at the time. I understand though now. I had to find his wife on facebook to get their address! Even though I have never met her.

Post # 15
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Duh! Forgot to mention the invite was addressed to Fiance and guest. Hello I’m preggers and we bought a house together! (FW did not know and had never met me and I know now she did ALL the planning)

Post # 16
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If I know the name, I’d put it – so if I know Brad, I’d put Brad and Angelina, because Angelina only gets an invite because she’s with Brad, and, equally, if they break up before the wedding, Brad doesn’t get to bring any old random with him! Not at £50 a head!

I think I’ve mainly been put as my name on invitations from my FI’s friends. If I’m not, I personally cut people some slack because I have an unusual name that’s difficult to spell. 

We had to do a fair bit of chasing to get the full names of friends’ SOs, and one guy (who’s been in the relationship longer than my Fiance and I have been together) just keep failing to respond. My Fiance gave him a final warning that if he got no response he’d just give her his surname – he didn’t respond, so we did – welcome to the wedding, Brad Pitt and Angelina Pitt! I think he’ll find it funny, he’s that kind of guy, but I’m not sure what his girlfriend will think!

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