(Closed) Can you invite people to the bachelorette party and not to the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

View original reply
@skippydarling:  well in this instance too, it seems that they offered, you know?

Personally, if I knew I wasn’t going to be invited to a wedding (like one of my friends was having a small family only wedding or something) I wouldn’t mind throwing her a party with a few others! But that’s ME inviting HER to her own party. So in your case its okay (and nice friends!!!!) but in the OP’s case, without knowing differently, it seems the bride only wants to invite more people so she can have the exact type of weekend she wants :/

Post # 18
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

In this case, no. Because they’re invited basically just to cover cost (a really high cost for a party IMO). If it was just hanging out at a bar or something, then maybe. 

Post # 19
Member
11525 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The rule of etiquette on this matter is that those who are not being invited to attend a couple’s wedding should not then be invited to any pre-wedding parties.

There ARE some options and exceptions, however.  In @frommisstomrs.:’s case, for example, her sorority sisters are well within their rights to independently and proactively  (without her urging or involvement) throw a party in her honor.  

In the case about which you are inquiring, if the trip is simply presented as an opportunity for a bunch of friends to get away, and it is not referred to as a bachelorette party or a shower or any other type of event that is directly affiliated with your friend’s pending marriage, I think it would be fine to include the other girls. If, however, you and the bride want this excursion to be all about the bride and her last hurrah as a single woman (i.e. very bachelorette focused), then I think the invitation should only be extended to those whom you know also will be invited to the wedding.

Post # 20
Member
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s pretty rude. It’s basically saying “I like you enough to let you spend $300+ celebrating ME but I don’t like you enough to buy you a plate at the reception.” 

Post # 21
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

In this case, no. The bride only seems to want to invite these women to keep the costs down- personally I agree with you that it’s rude (and I wouldn’t spend that sort of money if I wasn’t invited to the wedding.)

I think the two above mentioned sorority and NYC girl’s night out are very different situations.

Post # 22
Member
4521 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldn’t. If the sisters want to take you out, fine, but I wouldn’t invite them to a pre-wedding event

Post # 23
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I personally think it’s rude and to be frank mean. Either they are invited to the whole shebang  or nothing unless it is understood ahead of time that they won’t be invited to the wedding.

Post # 24
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can’t even understand wanting to go out and celebrate with girls that I wouldn’t also want at my wedding.

Post # 25
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Not okay. If it’s drinks at a bar, or a casual local party-fine. However in general people who aren’t invited to the wedding should not be included in pre-wedding activities.

Post # 26
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY

@jenall:  

It is your wedding, and ultimately your prerogative to invite whomever you please, however, be advised that you might end up hurting a lot of feelings.

The general understanding is that if you invite a person to one or more pre-wedding events (i.e. showers or bachelorette parties) that person would expect to be invited to the wedding. If they attend your party, but then are not invited to your wedding, they could end up feeling hurt and used for gifts/money.

My advice would be to scale back the bachelorette party so that it is affordable for the smaller number of people who will also be attending the wedding. In doing so, you still get to have a great time, but also avoid any added drama of girlfriends feeling jilted.

I hope your day is great! All the best!

Post # 27
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@jenall:  I think it’s a fine line…

Guys do it all the time. Invite people to the bachelor party, they might not be invited to the wedding, so why not girls too?

The difference is, a lot of girls might get offended, where as guys do not.

I’m in a similar situation as the bride has requested a lot of other girls be invited to the bach, but she did not have the space to invite them to the wedding. As the bride requested it, I plan to put the invite out there.

However, ours is a little more then a bar crawl, so I feel that’s a little bit different, because you drop whatever dough you want, no cash obligation. I think if it were me, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I’d probably opt not to go. To drop $300 to go away for a bachelorette party, for a girl who’s wedding I’m not invited to? Pass.

Post # 28
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

@jenall:  Etiquette says that is a no-no. It is a pre-wedding party so only those invited to the wedding should be invited. 

Post # 29
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

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@MangoSong:  I don’t know that guys do it all the time. I do agree guys may care less than girls but it is still rude and I wouldn’t let my guy do it. 

Post # 31
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think it depends on why the girls aren’t invited to the wedding.  If it’s because your wedding only will have 10 guests or is destination or what-have-you, I think it’s okay.  If you have 100 guests and they just aren’t on the list of your top 100, I don’t think it’s appropriate.

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