Post # 17
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
well in this instance too, it seems that they offered, you know?
Personally, if I knew I wasn’t going to be invited to a wedding (like one of my friends was having a small family only wedding or something) I wouldn’t mind throwing her a party with a few others! But that’s ME inviting HER to her own party. So in your case its okay (and nice friends!!!!) but in the OP’s case, without knowing differently, it seems the bride only wants to invite more people so she can have the exact type of weekend she wants :/
Post # 18
In this case, no. Because they’re invited basically just to cover cost (a really high cost for a party IMO). If it was just hanging out at a bar or something, then maybe.
Post # 19
The rule of etiquette on this matter is that those who are not being invited to attend a couple’s wedding should not then be invited to any pre-wedding parties.
There ARE some options and exceptions, however. In @frommisstomrs.:’s case, for example, her sorority sisters are well within their rights to independently and proactively (without her urging or involvement) throw a party in her honor.
In the case about which you are inquiring, if the trip is simply presented as an opportunity for a bunch of friends to get away, and it is not referred to as a bachelorette party or a shower or any other type of event that is directly affiliated with your friend’s pending marriage, I think it would be fine to include the other girls. If, however, you and the bride want this excursion to be all about the bride and her last hurrah as a single woman (i.e. very bachelorette focused), then I think the invitation should only be extended to those whom you know also will be invited to the wedding.
Post # 20
It’s pretty rude. It’s basically saying “I like you enough to let you spend $300+ celebrating ME but I don’t like you enough to buy you a plate at the reception.”
Post # 21
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
In this case, no. The bride only seems to want to invite these women to keep the costs down- personally I agree with you that it’s rude (and I wouldn’t spend that sort of money if I wasn’t invited to the wedding.)
I think the two above mentioned sorority and NYC girl’s night out are very different situations.
Post # 22
I wouldn’t. If the sisters want to take you out, fine, but I wouldn’t invite them to a pre-wedding event
Post # 23
I personally think it’s rude and to be frank mean. Either they are invited to the whole shebang or nothing unless it is understood ahead of time that they won’t be invited to the wedding.
Post # 24
I can’t even understand wanting to go out and celebrate with girls that I wouldn’t also want at my wedding.
Post # 25
Not okay. If it’s drinks at a bar, or a casual local party-fine. However in general people who aren’t invited to the wedding should not be included in pre-wedding activities.
Post # 26
- Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY
It is your wedding, and ultimately your prerogative to invite whomever you please, however, be advised that you might end up hurting a lot of feelings.
The general understanding is that if you invite a person to one or more pre-wedding events (i.e. showers or bachelorette parties) that person would expect to be invited to the wedding. If they attend your party, but then are not invited to your wedding, they could end up feeling hurt and used for gifts/money.
My advice would be to scale back the bachelorette party so that it is affordable for the smaller number of people who will also be attending the wedding. In doing so, you still get to have a great time, but also avoid any added drama of girlfriends feeling jilted.
I hope your day is great! All the best!
Post # 27
@jenall: I think it’s a fine line…
Guys do it all the time. Invite people to the bachelor party, they might not be invited to the wedding, so why not girls too?
The difference is, a lot of girls might get offended, where as guys do not.
I’m in a similar situation as the bride has requested a lot of other girls be invited to the bach, but she did not have the space to invite them to the wedding. As the bride requested it, I plan to put the invite out there.
However, ours is a little more then a bar crawl, so I feel that’s a little bit different, because you drop whatever dough you want, no cash obligation. I think if it were me, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I’d probably opt not to go. To drop $300 to go away for a bachelorette party, for a girl who’s wedding I’m not invited to? Pass.
Post # 28
@jenall: Etiquette says that is a no-no. It is a pre-wedding party so only those invited to the wedding should be invited.
Post # 29
I don’t know that guys do it all the time. I do agree guys may care less than girls but it is still rude and I wouldn’t let my guy do it.
Post # 31
I think it depends on why the girls aren’t invited to the wedding. If it’s because your wedding only will have 10 guests or is destination or what-have-you, I think it’s okay. If you have 100 guests and they just aren’t on the list of your top 100, I don’t think it’s appropriate.