(Closed) Can you invite people to the bachelorette party and not to the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Nope. Extremely rude. You wouldn’t invite people to a shower who aren’t invited to the wedding, the same way you wouldn’t do this. “Hey, come spend your hard-earned money to celebrate my upcoming wedding which you are not invited to.”

Post # 33
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@Westwood:  

I agree.  I was once invited to a Jack and Jill, but not the wedding. I didn’t attend because I think it was very rude to expect me to contribute cash, to an event I wasn’t invited to. How crass! Surprised

Post # 34
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I personally would never invite people to my bachelorette if they weren’t invited to the wedding. It seems like it could be somewhat awkward with all the wedding talk that is bound to happen. However, it seems like this is normal in her social circle, so maybe people won’t take offense if it’s common. 

I do think it would be odd for people to want to attend an elaborate bachelorette for someones who’s wedding they weren’t invited to. My group typically does more elaborate destination bachelorettes, and I can’t imagine taking time off and spending that kind of money for someone I’m not really close to (I imagine if I’m not close enough to be invited to the wedding, we aren’t that close).  

Post # 35
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No this is absolutely NOT okay imo. 

Post # 36
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
@PositiveThinking:  same here–got an invite to a Jack & Jill but I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was a little put off by it. Fortunately I had a great excuse not to go–had another wedding to go to that day lol. Fiance was also invited to a bachelor party but wasn’t invited to the wedding. It seemed very odd to me.

We do have a friend who had some guys at his bachelor party that weren’t at the wedding…we think it’s because his wife said he couldn’t invite them to the wedding Foot in Mouth

Post # 37
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Etiquette Snob Here…

Let’s forget for a moment we’re discussing a wedding and instead think about it as another social function you are throwing. Would you discuss said social function with those who aren’t invited? Most likely not — you do not want to hurt feelings because they cannot attend. Remember, etiquette is all about the comfort of your guests and others — it is not comfortable to feel excluded.

That is exactly what you do when you invite people to pre-wedding events, but not the wedding. Remember that your friends will need to spend money on your bachelorette (even if its just entry to clubs, etc) and they don’t get treated to the main event of your reception. This is why you only invite those who are invited to the wedding to pre-wedding events.

Hope this answers your question!

 

Post # 38
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would never invite someone to my bachelorette that isn’t invited to the wedding.  Someone invited themself to my shower (and came) that wasn’t invited to the wedding, and I felt ridiculously awkward about it.  I thought really long and hard about inviting her afterwards, too, because I couldn’t shake the guilt that she brought made the trip and brought me a gift and sat around a bunch of chatter about a wedding she’s not welcome at.

 

Post # 39
Member
6518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jenall:  No. Anyone thats not invited to the wedding should not be invited to any pre wedding parties. Its a bit of a slap in the face

Post # 40
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jenall:   No.  Pre-wedding parties are for those who will be invited to the wedding also.    The getaway weekend can be scheduled for after the wedding to avoid hurt feelings.

Post # 41
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

i was invited to a bachelorette party and not a wedding for someone i knew in high school and was highly offended.

i will only be inviting wedding guests to my bachelorette party.

Post # 42
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s ok to invite people to the Bach party and not the wedding if for starters it’s on the cheap end ie a sleepover/ girls night in party where the cost is nothing. If it’s means ppl spending money on the bride for a Bach party then I think it’s only ok to invite ppl to Bach party’s and not the wedding if the bride is having a family only wedding, destination, or a super intimate wedding, 30 or less people. 

Post # 43
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jenall:  depends on why she isn’t inviting you to the wedding.  if it’s a small ceremony and she is limited on space then i understand.  

Post # 44
Hostess
10347 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
@Westwood:  +1, my same thoughts. That’s waaaaay too much money for these girls to spend and not be invited to the wedding. Unfair!

Post # 45
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You can do whatever you want – its your wedding! There could be a number of different circumstances as to why they werent invited or cant attend but the fact that you are trying to include them in some aspect of your wedding is thoughtful.

People take stuff way too serious. If this is what you want to do then DO IT!

Post # 46
Member
9800 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

No, I don’t think it’s appropriate in most circumstances.

The only time it’s okay (to me) is if the bride is having a destination wedding where a lot of people can’t make it.  But even then, I think she should have a cheaper, in-town bachelorette party if she’s inviting a lot of people who aren’t invited to the wedding.  If it was a more casual, cheaper thing like just going out on the town (cover your own food and drink and that’s it) I think that would be better.

$300 is ridiculous for not being even invited to the wedding.

Of course, she can do whatever she wants.  But that doesn’t mean people will come.

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