(Closed) Can you invite someone without inviting their spouse

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

You can do it, but it’s extremely rude.  

If he’s aware of the situation, he’ll probably be understanding, but he chose to marry her which makes her a part of your family.  No one can tell you who to invite to your wedding, but I would count on it causing at least a little strife if she’s not even invited.  

Personally, I had relatives that fit into this category at my wedding and I invited them anyway, they were gracious enough to deline (because I’m assuming they didn’t really want to be there either), but even if they had come, I’d have been pleasant and accepted them as they are, they’re family. 

Post # 3
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

View original reply
baylady:  No. You can’t invite your uncle without his wife. If she is so terrible, he may anticipate the friction and RSVP just him, but you cannot separate a social unit.

Post # 4
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee

Unless she has done something absolutely unspeakable (like assaulted you or your close family members) then there is no proper way to invite your uncle and not his wife. 

Post # 5
Bee
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Cottage on the Creek

nope. nope. nope. 

if she knows you hate her maybe she won’t come. 

Post # 6
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
baylady:  It would be very rude not to invite someone’s spouse.

She may decline anyway if there’s that much friction. Chances are, even if she shows up, you will be too busy enjoying yourself to even pay her any attention.

Post # 7
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
baylady: No, unless she poses an actual physical danger to you/your guests, which it sounds like she doesn’t. But if your uncle knows how you feel about her, do you really think he’d bring her along?

Post # 8
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

CAN you? Yes. SHOULD you? No. She should be invited regardless of your dislike for her.

Post # 9
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
baylady:  It will be very rude.  Maybe invite both and he’ll tell her in person she shouldn’t come?  Best case scenario?

Post # 10
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m going against the majority here, but I don’t believe you should have to invite anyone to your wedding who may cause you/your parents/other family to be uncomfortable or that may cause a scene.  How is that fair when this is your big day?

My mom was dating a guy who my sister and I HATED.  I told her he wasn’t invited to the wedding under any circumstances and she wasn’t happy with me, but she understood.  Luckily they broke up before the wedding, but there was no way I was going to have someone at my wedding who I hated.

Can you talk to your uncle ahead of time and say that you’d love to have him there, but you just can’t have his wife?  Would be be understanding or upset?

Post # 13
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
baylady:  ugh this is a situation that I wish I could tell you that you should just go ahead and invite him without her, but at the same time, they are married and he is choosing to be with her. Maybe you can speak with him about this ahead of time and see what his feelings are regarding the whole situation. If he spends time with your family often without her, chances are he will want to come to the wedding alone regardless of whether or not she is invited. I still think you should tell him how you feel and at least let him know what your plan is.

There were some people I wish I didn’t invite. My uncle by marriage is amazing, but his family is legit nuts. I know it would have caused never ending drama for him, my aunt and my mom if my uncle’s family wasn’t invited because they are always at all the family parties. Well, at my wedding my uncle’s brothers sat at the same table as our family friends- 2 of which are Algerian and the other 2 are from Iraq. 1 of the women (she’s like 80 btw) out of the 4 was wearing a silk headscarf (modified hijab) and one of the couples had a 1 year old son. They are probably my favorite people out of my mom’s friends so I wanted to them to sit at the table next to my mom at one of the “family tables” WELL, my uncle’s brother made a comment about the kids name, called them terrorists, said a whole bunch of horrible things to the family FOR NO REASON. They luckily had some drinks, they danced, they went in the photobooth and pretty much avoided the table and despite the ignoramuses at their table, they still had a great time. Luckily, no one told me about what happened til after the wedding because I would have started a scene for them!!!!! I knew that they were crazy, but I didn’t know that they were rude, racist, and couldnt keep their mouths shut for a few hours.

Never again will these wackos be invited to anything.

Moral of the story, if you know for sure she will cause problems, at least give your uncle the courtesy of letting him know that you don’t want her there, don’t just NOT invite her.

 

Post # 14
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

Screw etiquette, don’t invite her. It’s rude not to invite her, but I’d guess she’s been at least rude to you in the past so who cares! Don’t let this get you down.

Post # 15
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It would likely cause more problems than you’re willing to get into.

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