(Closed) Can you or No? Wedding related and not.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it depends on the parents as to whether or not you can say anything.  I am not a big fan of kids, and I certainly will NOT tolerate that kind of behavior.  I would say something, but that’s because I’m a meanie!  I don’t think twice about correcting my nieces and nephews.  Whose family is it?  Have someone say something to them ahead of time… maybe even gently (or not) suggest a babysitter.

Post # 4
Member
46335 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some parents are very touchy about other people telling their children how to behave. You do, however have the right to expect the children to be well-behaved and their parents to ensure that they are.

I would ask someone else- ? your Mom or the grandparents of the children to speak with the parents. Will there be a room nearby where they can take the kids to calm down? Have you considered hiring a sitter for that room ?

Frankly, this is why many couples decide to have a no-kids rule as it avoids all the hassles during the reception.

 

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Depends if a kid comes yelling right be hind and or touches, hits me or acts abnoxious diretly to or at me yes I always do.

 

I say “excuse me, please do not hit (yell, shout etc.) that is not nice and it hurts my feelings. Please use your manners (indoor voice), Thank you”

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Could you set an age limit for child guests? Like 8, 10 or 12, whatever might help avoid this issue? Or maybe have a kid’s room at the reception? It’s also acceptable to limit the guest list to immediate family’s children (FI’s brother/sister), if that helps. You could have things at the wedding to entertain them- depending on their age, etc., special coloring books or games. We’re having no children guests- we would have had ten kids five and under, and our venue isn’t kid friendly. 

Unfortunately, a lot of parents are over sensitive about their kids, so it’s a toughie.

Post # 9
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have no problems telling other people’s kids to behave. Bad behaviour is bad behaviour and sometimes parents are not in the immediate vacinity to discipline.

I do not plan on doing that at our wedding if the kids attending misbehave. I will just tell my mom and Future Mother-In-Law that I don’t want screaming children at any point and they will handle it.  

Post # 10
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is exactly why we have to have a “no kids” rule at ours!  Our best man has 4 kids and he and his wife have chosen not to discipline them, ever.  Yes, literally, and no, I’m not just being a judgmental b!tch.  These children scream, hit (constantly, with no consequences), and speak rudely to their parents.  24/7.  It’s insane.

The couple has lost contact with many friends because no one can stand to be around their children.  Friendships and immediate family connections have been destroyed because a few people (eg. the grandparents) have tried to talk to them about it and they don’t want to hear it and feel attacked.

Anyway, to answer your question, I usually don’t say anything, I usually just leave/avoid contact with them in the future.  Obviously you can’t do that on your wedding day, so just know that if you’re planning to invite these poorly behaved children/parents, expect some aspects of your day to be ruined.  I’d risk the awkwardness of not inviting them, personally.

/end rant

Post # 11
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ashley_B:  I think it’s fine but that’s just how things are within my family and FI’s family. I would just not want to personally deal with it on my wedding day.

Post # 13
Member
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My cousin’s wedding was last weekend and she did not invite some of the kids from our side of the family (one of my other cousin’s kids because they can be very rambuncious) but invited all the kids from her new hubby’s side because they are soooooo well behaved. This really angered my side of the family and my cousin with the kids ended up not going to the wedding at all and was very hurt to be told in her words that she was a bad parent that couldn’t control her kids.

The irony is that one of the so called well behaved kids pitched a fit during the ceremony and then later at the reception ran around like monsters and nearly toppled my 89 year old grandmother over on her way to the bathroom.

I am just saying you never know when a little angel will turn into a devil!

Post # 14
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is exactly why we are not inviting children to the wedding – because, as much as I love them, they tend to take away from the celebration with behavior like this. I agree with what others are saying…have a grandmother or other relative tell them to behave…OR, get a babysitter to watch the kids in another room.

Post # 15
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think we should all feel comfortable telling the kids of other people in our lives to behave. We’ve lost the concept in our society that a community raises a child, and now parents often get offended when others help teach cultural norms and manners, but that’s the way it should be. Now, you shouldn’t step all over the parents’ toes and all, but discipline is a team effort.

Post # 16
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m only allowing my nephew and FH’s nieces and nephews to come, and you know what? I don’t CARE what everyone else thinks. I’m not inviting anyone else’s kids and if they don’t like it they don’t have to come. I mean I’m paying for this shin-dig, and I am also deciding who is invited. But I’m super outspoken and including all the close family (7 children) who are all EXCELLENTLY behaved. If our nieces/nephews acted like loons I might feel differently.

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