(Closed) Can You Say No to the Bride?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like you’ve been very accomodating.  In the end, it’s what you want that goes.  If the BM/her behavior is still a source of frustration for you, even now that it sounds like she won’t have to pay the $90, then I would suggest talking with her about it.  Could it be that the cost is an issue for her?  Try to find out if it is really the cost of the shoe that is a problem or if something else is going on.  Just out of curiosity, if they chose the dress b/c it was something they could wear again and the shoe goes with the dress, why wouldn’t she ever wear it again?  If that was her reason for being upset and refusing to purchase the shoe, it doesn’t seem very valid…perhaps there is another reason?

Post # 4
497 posts
Helper bee

It does sound like you have been very accomodating.  I would take a moment to talk to the Bridesmaid or Best Man privately and make sure she knows that you included her in your wedding because it is one of the most important days in your life and you wanted her to stand up and represent you.  Ask her if there is anything that she needs to make the experience better for her.  You may find out that it is something really silly, but at least it will break the tension and bring the focus back on why she is standing next to you in the first place.

Post # 6
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, you do seem very accomodating, they are lucky girls!  Have you talked to her any more about the shoe problem?  I don’t know your friends, but for some people $90 is a little steep for shoes, so could that be her main problem even though she didn’t express it in the most friendly of ways?

Post # 7
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You are saying she is still upset with you? You are not making her pay for the shoes…correct?

I wouldnt even waste my time worrying. You have been super nice to your girls and if she is mad it has NOTHING to do with shoes.

Post # 8
2640 posts
Sugar bee

My first thought isthat I can’t really blame her for feeling like $90 is a lot for shoes for someone elses wedding.  Could she really not wear them again? 

But you’ve paid for extras for them like food and transportation.  Maybe she could cave on this a little.  If the shoes mean that much to you, maybe you could try to point out that you hoped she be more flexible on the shoe.  But it seems like you’ve settled back to letting them decide already. 

Why is she hurt?  Because you originally wanted them to pay $90 for shoes?  Did she feel like you backing down to let them choose a black shoe was some scene or drama??  She apparently got her way, so I’m confused why she’s so hurt.

 Try to be patient.  It’s easy to feel like people should be so accomodating to you, because are very accomodating to others.  However, all BM’s were not made the same.  Maybe there are other things going on.  Weddings are tough, girls can be concerned about how their relationships will change.  Or jealous about not getting married themselves.  Is she close to the other BM’s?  Maybe she feels like the odd girl out.

Post # 9
1 posts

Seriously.  It’s just a pair of shoes.  It truly boggles my mind how people forget that it is truly an honor that your girlfriends/sisters/cousins/etc. agree to be a part of your wedding, spend an ungodly amount of money on dresses that no matter what the bride thinks, will NEVER be worn again, and on shoes/jewelry/hair/travel/showes/bachelorette parties, etc.  just so that you will be happy on your wedding day.  Get over yourself.   

Post # 10
160 posts
Blushing bee

Money is ALWAYS a touchy issue with bridesmaids. I’m well on my way to being Katherine Heigel in 27 dresses, and all I can really say is to put things in perspective. It may not even have anything to do with you personally, but just about the money. Weddings are expensive for EVERYONE involved. I think this is a great example of a bridesmaid not knowing what her "role" is. For you, having her pay for her own shoes is part of that. This is why it is sooooo important to lay everytihng out when you ask your friends to be a part of your wedding (in the beginning!).

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