Post # 1
I’m staying at my grandparent’s house for a few days. It’s a full house with my two uncles, their family and my dad living there. They have these friends/neighbors that live across the street who they hangout with and drink. Sometimes they are in front of their house or my grandma’s. I’ll be hanging out outside with the family or walking the dogs and they constantly stare, in the most disrespectful, perverted, uncomfortable way. So obvious. It’s about 90 degrees outside so I am in shorts, but not daisy dukes. I wear loose blouses, like tunic style, i don’t wear makeup and wear tom’s or sneakers. So I’m not dressing in revealing clothing asking for attention.
I just feel like my dad or uncle should tell them something out of respect for me and themselves. I understand you can’t tell people what to do, but when they’re disrespecting your daughter or niece in front of you, would you say something to them? I’m a non-confrontational person, so I try to ignore it. But I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable at my grandma’s house and feel like my uncle or dad should set them straight. Next time I’ll just tell them off and don’t want to do it front of my grandma, but it’s gross when men stare at you like a dog with their tongue out.
How would you handle this situation? Would you ignore it? Think it’s no big deal?
Post # 3
I would ignore it. I would never expect my dad and especially not my uncles to say anything. If they were making inappropriate comments I would address it but I would never expect someone else to stand up for me, especially over staring.
Post # 4
Now I agree that this isn’t nice but I think you need to ignore it or say something yourself. It’s not up to your dad and uncles to defend your honour like some sort of Sicilian soap opera.
Post # 6
@Steampunkbride: As a Mexican family, that’s what you do. Stick up and stand up for your family. If anyone is being inappropriate in any way. I’m just a little taken back that they let these guys gawk at me like a piece of meat in front of them. I just think they are so disrespectful. But I will tell them something myself next time I see them and stand up for myself 🙂 I just wouldn’t let anyone stare at my daughter that way in such a disrespectful manner. Especially in front of me. And they make inappropriate noises and comments.
Post # 7
@Silly_love: Well inappropriate comments are well out of order. As it is your culture to involve your family then by all means have a word with them and tell them that their neighbours behaviour is making you uncomfortable.
Post # 8
Honestly I would say something to my father and let him handle it from there. These are not people you are only going to see once and they are family friends. They should be respectful. I’d let my father handle it the way he feels fit but I’d hope he would stand up for me as you said. To be honest a lot of men do not notice when other men do this especially to women they are not sexually attracted to. When you’re their daughter and niece they just don’t see you that way and probably just don’t notice. You can’t be mad at them until you let them know how you feel.
Post # 9
@Silly_love: sorry but I dont understand all these comments below about your dad or uncle not to get involved. In my culture it is man’s job to deal with rude perverts like this. if not your uncle, your father MUST step up to the plate and say something.
Post # 10
@Silly_love: You’re an adult. I don’t think anyone should have to come to your defense. If it bothers you that much, then say something yourself. Honestly though, I’d just ignore it and let it go. Small things.
Post # 12
@Silly_love: I would first tell these pigs off yourself, then alert your uncle and father as to the situation and request their backup if they see it happen again. If these men are piggish enough to stare at a girl like a piece of meat, they are likely piggish enough to think a woman’s opinion on the matter is completely irrelevant. It could be they might actually listen to your father and uncle and not you, since their manners and views are clearly highly flawed as is.
Edit: I am legitimately disturbed by how many think this is something to let go. Allowing men to view women is sexual objects when they are clearly not going for that is what allows and nourishes rape culture. By accepting this kind of treatment for ourselves, we only promote it, and the sickos who take it a few steps further.
Post # 13
If you’re only staying for a few days, could it be that they don’t want to cause an upset with the people that they have to live around and socialize with after you’re gone? In all likelihood, your family just accepts that this is the way that these men are. I know that’s probably not what you’d like to hear, but it’s reason not to take it too personally.
Post # 14
I understand why you’d want your dad or uncles to talk to the neighbors (it is their neighbors/friends) but I would ignore it. What if they just have wonky eyes and it looks like they’re staring? lol Ok, maybe not but sometimes people just have permanent dirty looks plastered on their faces.
Post # 15
I think something you need to consider is that causing a big fuss over this could make trouble for the people who do live at that house full time. The last thing you want is them retaliating in any way if they get upset over hving your dad or uncle snapping off on them over staring. As annoying as it is, I would ignore it since it’s not something you have to deal with constantly only while you are there. I have to walk past a bunch of construction type guys everyday who act like they never seen a woman before, and they are really disrespectful about it. I usually just keep on walking like they don’t exist. No need to even acknowledge them. The only time I would say something to someone else (like your dad or uncle) is if you feel you are in danger, and in that case I would avoid walking the dog out there or I would have someone come with me or watch me.
Post # 16
What are they saying to you? Unless they were actually saying thing to you I would ignore it, they may just be wondering who the new person is in the neighborhood, especially if everyone all hangs out with each other. I wouldn’t make assumptions that they are eying you like a piece of meat. If they do say something to you then say something to them about being rude/inappropriate.